Me: “I’ll have a regular latte, please.”

Employee: “And what’s the name?”

Me: “Generic name.”

(She writes it and makes my drink. When I get my coffee, she had spelled it, “Jenny-Eric”)

(This happened 20+ years ago, so no caller ID and ignoring calls simply wasn’t an option due to relatives with health issues. We’d started having problems with telemarketers recently, so Mom had taken to some creative means to get them not to call back.)

Mom: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: “Hi, I’m calling from [Company]. Is your mother home?”

Mom: *looks over at my Oma (her mother), who came for coffee and to play with the grandchildren* “Here, Mom. It’s for you.”

Oma: “Hello?”

Oma: “I’m sorry; I don’t think I can help you…”

Oma: “No, I can’t do that…

Oma: “Sorry, you want what? I…”

Oma: “No. You should really speak with my daughter about that.”

Oma: “Well, it’s her house. I’m just visiting.”

(Mom takes the phone back when Oma hands it to her, finding a very irate caller on the other end.)

Telemarketer: “Why didn’t you tell me it was your house? I wasted a lot of time there.”

Mom: “You never asked. You just said you wanted to speak with my mother. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

(Another time, with a different caller who is refusing to take ‘no’ for an answer no matter how many times or how firmly she says it, Mom hands the phone to my two-year-old sister, who loves to talk on the phone.)

Mom: “Here, sweetie. Phone for you.”

Sister: *jabbers happily into the phone*

Telemarketer: *tries to get her to give the phone back to Mom*

Sister: *offers phone to Mom* “Mommy? Phone, Mommy?”

Mom: “No, no, go for it, dear. Tell him about your day. He wants to hear all about it.”

(This continued for a while until he finally gave up and hung up. It didn’t stop everything, but we’d usually get some sort of a break after pulling stunts like this which was why we kept pulling them. Besides, their annoyance was hilarious!)

(I work the front desk of a hotel for years. Confidentiality is an extremely important part a desk clerk’s job but that doesn’t stop scammers from trying to obtain information.)

Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, this is [Name] from [Hotel]’s corporate office in Alabama. We have had to reset all systems and so I need you to give me the names of all guest staying in rooms.” *rattles off a small group of room numbers*

Me: *immediately suspicious because our corporate is closed on the weekends and is not located anywhere near Alabama* “I apologize, but why are you needing this information?”

Caller: “We lost some information while resetting your hotel’s system. Now I need you to give me the names of the guests in those rooms and their information.”

Me: “And who did you say you were with?”

Caller: “I am a front office expert with your company. Now, please, I need the names of the guest in–” *repeats room numbers from earlier* “–and their information so I can replace the data that was lost while the system was down.”

Me: “I am sorry, but I am not at liberty to give out guests’ information. Surely being a ‘front office expert’ you can understand why.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(We have a shop on the corner of our road that we have used for years. Every other week or so I pop in a buy some beer or wine. More often than not I’m served by the same two people. The woman always asks for my ID despite being in my thirties, even though I’m often in my suit or with my kids.)

Cashier: “ID.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Cashier: “I need to see your ID.”

Me: “Oh, okay, then.”

(Clearly I didn’t hide my frustration as the cashiers mood changed.)

Cashier: “It’s not my fault you look young; you should take it as a compliment.”

Me: “Oh, I know, but after more than 14 years of being old enough, it does get tired. I mean I’m probably older than you.”

(She sneers then looks at my ID, her expression changes dramatically.)

Cashier: “You don’t know how old I am!”

Me: “No, but it can irritate when people assume, doesn’t it?!”

I order in the drive-thru of a burger place. I find out it’s only two coupons per car, so I tell the lady working that I’ll be driving through again. When I get to the window and pay, she asks me to park in the parking lot to wait for my food. I agree and park.

I’m looking at stuff on my phone for a bit when she comes out to give someone else their order. When she sees me she asks “You haven’t gotten your food yet?” I say no and she leaves to check on my food. When she comes back she says it’ll only be a little bit and asks for the other coupon. I show it to her and she tells me that it’ll be free for the long wait.

When I arrive home with the food, I realize she upgraded the small fries of the last coupon to a large and added a Snickers pie.

I don’t know how long I waited for, but I’m sure it wasn’t for as long as she seemed to think it was.