Very Little IQ

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Working | April 26, 2012

Employee: “Welcome to [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Me: “I’d like a large Cherry Coke with very little ice, please.”

Employee: “Okay, that will be $1.87, please.”

Me: “Here you go.”

Employee: “$0.13 is your change.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(Before filling my drink, the employee opens the ice reservoir, looks in and gets a puzzled look on his face.)

Employee: “I don’t think I can make the ice any smaller.”

Me: “I meant a very small amount of ice.”

Employee: “Oh, thank goodness. I didn’t know what to do!”

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Have It Our Way

, | Australia | Working | April 26, 2012

Employee: “What drink would you like?”

Me: “I’d like a lemonade, please.”

Employee: “Okay, I’ll go get it for you.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The employee disappears around the corner to get my drink. Meanwhile, a slightly overweight man with a tag reading “Manager” comes along.)

Manager: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Me: “I’m being served already. You don’t need to serve me.”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “Sorry? No? Oh, well…um…I guess you can watch?”

(At this point, an employee comes back with a can of soda.)

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I said lemonade.”

Employee: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said [Soda]! I’ll go and get you another drink.”

(The employee disappears around the corner again. Meanwhile, she has left the soda on the counter.)

Manager: “This is why I’m fat!” *grabs the soda and drinks it in one big gulp* “So, what drink would you like?”

Me: “Um, I’m already being served.”

Manager: “What drink would you like?”

Me: “I’m already being served.”

Manager: “I said, what drink would you like?!”

Me: “I said, I’m already being served!”

Manager: *angrily* “WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE?!”

Me: “I am being served.”

Manager: “OH! YOU’RE BEING SERVED!”

(When the employee came back with my lemonade, the cup was disturbingly warm to the touch. Giving up, I left the restaurant, only to open up the cup later and find out it wasn’t even lemonade—it was some sort of slimy gunk.)

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It’s Nobody’s Business

| Windom, MN, USA | Working | April 26, 2012

(I am a manager at my local fast food restaurant. I’m talking to an elderly, slightly mean coworker before I leave for college.)

Coworker: “You’re going to Penn State, right?”

Me: “No, actually I’m going to the University of Pennsylvania.”

Coworker: “That’s what I said.”

Me: “The University of Pennsylvania is an entirely different school.”

Coworker: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Yes, the University of Pennsylvania is in the Ivy League, and Penn State is in the Big 10.”

Coworker: “What’s the Ivy League?”

Me: “The Ivy League is all of the schools like Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.”

Coworker: “Oh… I always thought you were a nobody!”

Me: *speechless*

(My store manager, who has overheard the entire conversation, speaks up.)

Store Manager: *to coworker* “Have you ever considered that if he were a nobody, you would be his boss, and not the other way around?”

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Case Insensitive

| Dallas, TX, USA | Working | April 26, 2012

(Our company policy is to have user accounts get locked if they type their password wrong three times in a row.)

Employee: “I’m locked out! This must be a system failure, because I can’t be that stupid to type in my password wrong.”

Me: “Well, you were indeed locked out. I just unlocked you, so go ahead and try it again.”

(I hear the employee type loudly over the phone.)

Employee: “It’s still not working! See, I told you it’s a problem with the system!”

Me: “Did you check if you probably have Caps Lock on or Num Lock off?”

Employee: “You must really think I’m stupid! I already checked that!”

(I hear him typing again, but softer.)

Employee: “Oh… it’s working now.” *hangs up*

0 Brains

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Working | April 25, 2012

(Note: I’m a customer. I overhear two female employees while I’m in the fitting room trying on a dress. They’re apparently reading the label on a soda bottle.)

Employee #1: “If this has 0 calories, 0 carbs, and no sugar, what makes it different from water? I mean, if you could drink this, why would you ever drink water?”

Employee #2: “Uhh, I guess it has sodium in it.”

Employee #1: “What’s sodium? What’s that do to you?”

Employee #2: “I guess it dries you out and stuff.”

Employee #1: “Well, I have oily skin anyway!”