(Honed by an indoorsy past as a voracious reader, my English/writing skills have caught my manager’s attention and he often calls me on my desk line or brings me into his office for advice on how to word things like promotional e-mails, letters, etc. My desk line rings – caller ID shows his extension.)

Me: “Helloooooo!”

Manager: “What are some other words for party?”

Me: “Uhm… Celebration? Bash? Blowout?”

Manager: “Can you think of anything that starts with an ‘F’?”

Me: “Not offhand. I’ll let you know if I think of anything.”

Manager: “Okay.”

(We hang up. About a minute later, my phone rings again. It’s him.)

Me: “Long time no talk!”

Manager: “Is a fiasco a bad thing?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Very, very sure.”

Manager: “So it’s not like a party.”

Me: “No, [Manager]. A fiasco is nothing like a party.”

Manager: “Oh. Okay. If you’re sure.”

(We hang up a second time. This time it’s only about two seconds before my phone rings yet again.)

Manager: “I was thinking of a fiesta.”

(I work technical support at a company’s internal help desk. For submitted tickets requiring approval or rejection, the approving individual must perform these actions; we have nothing to do with them or the process.)

Caller: “I’m unable to reject a ticket. I need to know how to reject a ticket.”

Me: “Well, generally speaking, as the approver, you should receive an email with a link to reject and a link to approve the ticket—”

Caller: *interrupting* “I didn’t get that. My manager forwarded me the ticket link and asked me to reject it. I opened the link and added notes, but when I clicked ‘Update’ it approved the ticket. I need that changed. Why did it do that?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we do not have access to change approvals nor are we approvers of tickets, so we do not use those functions. Also, once approved, the ticket moves forward to fulfillment. However, we can send a ticket to the [Ticket System] team and they can go in and reject the request.”

Caller: “Okay. But why did it do that? What’s the difference between ‘Update’ and ‘Save’? They should be the same.”

Me: “That is again something [Ticket System] team would need to answer. Since we are not approvers we do not use those functions and cannot attest to the difference, I can add the query to the ticket I am sending them so they can answer.”

Caller: “But why did it approve like that? Why couldn’t I reject it? What is the difference between the buttons?”

Me: “Again, we do not know—”

Caller: *interrupts again* “Why didn’t you just say so instead of trying to answer? What lousy service. Lousy b******.” *hangs up*

Me: *turning to colleagues* “Can I reach through to phone and hurt someone?”

Colleague: “You can try.”

Related:
I’ve Got A Ticket To Deride

(I’m at the front desk to check out a regular customer who has a Kuvasz, a very large and furry white dog, of which I am very fond. The owner and I have spoken on several occasions. At the time it is changing from summer to fall and the dogs are shedding quite a bit. Keep in mind I have a pretty thick New England accent.)

Owner: “How did everything go today with Indigo?”

Me: “Oh, very well! Of course, she was shedding all over the place!”

Owner: *furrows brow* “She… she pooped all over?”

Me: *realizing my own accent* “SHED. SHED-DING. Like her hair’s coming out!”

(We shared a laugh about it, but I was so embarrassed!)

(I’m on a break at work when I get a call from the receptionist at my doctor’s office.)

Receptionist: “Hi, I’m calling from [Doctor] for [My Name]. We were wondering if you were going to show up for your appointment today?”

Me: “Um, I never made an appointment for today. I had one for tomorrow but cancelled it last week.”

Receptionist: “Okay, but you’re in the system for an appointment in five minutes, so you must have made the appointment.”

Me: “I never made that appointment, so I won’t be there. I’m not sure where it came from.”

Receptionist: “So… will you be showing up today?”

(My grandfather passes away the Wednesday before Labor Day, and I go to his funeral. It’s an 800-mile trip, one way, to get there. As my supervisor lost her husband on the same day, this leaves the store SEVERELY shorthanded on one of the busiest days of the year. I was supposed to be back that Monday, but the funeral director talked my father into having the funeral ON Monday, and the burial was Tuesday. So, I am gone for a week and terrified I’ll be in trouble for having been gone much longer than expected. On Thursday, I walk into the store, carrying the paper with the obituary, the planner showing I was at the funeral, and even my grandfather’s flag to prove I wasn’t just skipping out of work.)

Assistant Manager: “[My Name], you need to go to the office. [Manager] needs to talk to you.”

Me: *anxious* “No, no, see, [Assistant Manager], I really was at a funeral! I’ve got the things you need to prove it, and the director talked my dad into having it two days later than it was supposed to be, and I’m so sorry. I—”

Assistant Manager: *suddenly very stern* “You need to get into that office, right now, and talk to [Manager]!”

(I go into the office, having a massive panic attack and thinking I’m in serious trouble and on the verge of being fired.)

Manager: “Oh, there you are.”

Me: “[Manager], really, I was at a funeral. You know I don’t like skipping work. I’ll take a write-up. Please don’t fire me! I have the things you need. I even brought his flag!”

Manager: *confused* “[My Name], what are you talking about? I know you were at a funeral. I wanted to give you the plant we bought for you.”

(I take the plant and carry it out. My panic has faded, and I just turn and glare at the assistant manager, who smiles, and I realize she was playing me.)

Assistant Manager: “So! Do you like the plant?”

Me: “Which car is yours? I need to go key it.”

This story is part of our Labor Day roundup!

Read the next Labor Day roundup story!

Read the Labor Day roundup!