Chilly Chilis

| Working | May 18, 2012

(My coworkers and I are discussing pregnancy cravings. Ice is a common one amongst pregnant women.)

Me: “All I wanted was meat…meat and cheese.”

Coworker #1: “My wife wanted fruit.”

Coworker #2: “When I was in Peru, there was a woman who ate only ice. She ate ice all the time. So, when it came time to deliver, the doctor said her insides were frozen and she had to eat chile to thaw out.”

Me: “That’s not possible.”

Coworker #2: “That’s what the doctor said!”

Me: “But the ice would revert to water once in your body.”

Coworker #2: “BUT THAT’S WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID!”

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The United States Of North, Central, And South America

| Working | May 18, 2012

(We have a display of TVs that are tuned into a news channel. The story on the television is about a drug smuggling tunnel underneath the ground that crossed the US & Mexico border. One of my coworkers, who just started working the previous week, is watching it, puzzled.)

Coworker: “I just don’t see what the big deal is about this.”

Me: “You mean besides the fact that they’re smuggling drugs illegally across the border between two countries?”

Coworker: “No, they’re not. It says it’s between Mexico and Texas!”

Me: “Yeah, it is. Mexico’s not part of the United States.”

Coworker: “What are you talking about? Mexico is totally a state!”

Me: “How many states do you think are in the USA?”

Coworker: “57!”

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From Three To Free

, | Working | May 18, 2012

(I am in the drive-in of a well-known fast food chain. I’m with my family and want to order some burgers.)

Me: “I would like to order five cheeseburgers.”

(I look over at the display, and see that the employee has accidentally put us down for only two cheeseburgers.)

Me: “Excuse me? I see you put down two cheeseburgers, but I’d like to order five.”

Employee: “So, you want one more?”

Me: “No, I would like three more. I want five, and it’s on two now, so we’d like three more.”

Employee: “So, just two more?”

Me: “No, three more.”

(She goes off to verify this with her manager. The manager comes back, types the three in to get us three extra cheeseburgers and leaves again. Unfortunately, at the pick-up window there are only three cheeseburgers in the bag. The employee who took our order is at the window.)

Employee: *confused* “You wanted three cheeseburgers total, right?”

(Luckily the manager got there and gave us all five for free.)

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Harry Potter And The Half-Assed Hints

| Working | May 18, 2012

(I’m a new librarian, and have only been working for about two months.)

Patron: “Hi. I’m looking for the new Harry Potter book”.

Me: “Oh, okay. That would actually be in the fiction section, which is downstairs. This is the reference department”.

Patron: “But the lady said you had it up here”.

Me: “What lady?”

Patron: “The one at the desk downstairs”.

Me: “Okay…well, let me take you downstairs and I’ll show you where it is.”

Patron: “Thanks!”

(Strangely, this sort of thing kept happening repeatedly. I would get patrons looking for all sorts of random things that I had nothing to do with. Every time, they would say they were sent to me by “the lady downstairs”. I finally decided to check on this with my coworkers.)

Me: “Hey guys, does anyone know why I keep getting people who are looking for fiction or movies upstairs? They’re not even on the same floor.”

Coworker: “Oh, I’ve been sending them to you.”

Me: “But why? I keep having to bring them down here to find things.”

Coworker: “Well, I never know what they’re looking for.”

Me: “That last one was Harry Potter. That’s definitely fiction”.

Coworker: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “Because you work in a library…”

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Make Nice With The Prenatal Advice

| Working | May 17, 2012

(I am about 15 weeks pregnant and work in an administrative position with an insurance company in my area. A coworker in another department stops to ask me how my pregnancy is going.)

Coworker: “So, do you know the sex of the baby yet?”

Me: “No, but we will find out in a couple of weeks. I’m sure it will be a boy though. Seems all of the men on my husband’s side of the family only help produce boys!” *laughing*

Coworker: “Yeah, I think you will have a boy, too. I’m just looking at your face. It’s all broken out. Boys will do that to you. They will make you ugly.”

Me: “So, how many boys have you had?”

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