Out Of Brain Cells

| Working | May 22, 2012

(At the pharmacy where I work, I do a lot of training of new employees. This day’s trainee is particularly slow on the uptake.)

Me: *to new employee* “Now, when the customer pays in cash and just hands you a bill, you should repeat back to them how much they gave you. For example, when a customer gives you a $20 bill, you say, ‘Out of $20,’ as you make change.”

(This is a technique to help avoid after-the-fact disputes about the denomination of the bills customers hand over.)

New Employee: “Got it.”

(The customer walks up and pays cash, handing him a $20. The new employee says nothing.)

Me: *to new employee* “What are you forgetting?”

New Employee: “Um…”

Me: “Say the amount they gave you.”

New Employee: “Oh, right…”

(The next three customers all pay cash, and as they each fork over a crisp clean $20 bill, the new employee performs flawlessly, verifying that it is indeed “Out of $20” with each transaction. I think he’s finally gotten it down until the fourth customer.)

New Employee: “That will be [price].”

Customer #4: *hands over credit card*

New Employee: “Out of $20!”

Me: *facepalm*

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Server Smackdown

| Working | May 22, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are at a breakfast food restaurant. Our waitress (#1) so far has been decent; the order was right, she got me a different drink because the first was too sweet, etc. As we are finishing, we hear another waitress (#2) yell at her.)

Waitress #2: “Hey [Waitress #1]! What the f*** you did with my pen? I told you I needed it right back!”

Waitress #1: “If I was done with it, I’d have gave it back to you.”

Waitress #2: “Look, lil’ girl—”

(At this point they go into the kitchen, but we can still hear them yelling at each other, peppered with profanities. Waitress #2 comes out and goes to a table Waitress #1 is waiting on. The customers have already gone and left the check holder on the edge of the table. Waitress #2 smacks the bottom of the check holder, flipping it over and causing it to land in a plate of food the customers had left on the table.)

Me: *to my boyfriend* “Oh my God, I can’t believe she just did that! We better go before there’s a real fight!”

Boyfriend: “No, let’s see if our waitress wins. If she does, she gets the better tip!”

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Aisle Never Listen

| Working | May 22, 2012

(I’ve come in before the store opens with a few other coworkers and a manager. Our task is to do an ‘aisle reset’, which means taking all the product off the shelves and moving them to where they are supposed to be. The only place to set the product while transitioning it is on the floor, in the aisle.)

Manager: “Okay, let’s start by taking everything off the shelves!”

Me: “Wouldn’t it be better if we did it in sections? That’s a lot of product, I don’t think we have room to take it all off at once—”

Manager: “No, it will be faster to take everything off all at once. Trust me.”

Me: “Alright, then—you’re the boss.”

(Three hours go by of our four hour shift. None of the product is back on the shelf yet, but is instead on the aisle floor and taking up a huge amount of space.)

Manager: “D*** it! We’re not gonna get this done in time!”

Coworker: “We’d have it done by now if there was room to move around.”

Me: “It would have worked better if we had done it in sections.”

Manager: “What did you say?!”

Me: “I said, it would have worked better if we had done it in sections.”

Manager: “Well, I wish you had suggested that before we took everything off the shelves!”

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Some Things Can Weight To Be Said, Part 2

| Working | May 21, 2012

(A friend and I are out for lunch and have this exchange with our server.)

My Friend: “I’ll have the bacon cheeseburger.”

Server: “Would you like fries or salad with that?”

My Friend: “Fries, please.”

Server: “Salad, excellent.”

My Friend: “No, no…I’d like fries.”

Server: “Oh, okay! Anything to drink?”

My Friend: “I’ll have a Coke.”

Server: “Diet Coke, great.”

My Friend: “No…regular Coke is fine, thanks.”

Server: “Oh, right. Sure thing!”

(A different server brings over our meals. Despite what she said to the original server, my friend’s burger arrives incorrectly with a salad and a Diet Coke.)

My Friend: *staring at her meal* “Tell me the truth, do I need to lose weight?!”


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This Coworker Needs To Be Socked

| Working | May 21, 2012

Coworker: “Hey, can you tell me if the men’s gloves are on sale?”

Me: “Yup! Everything in men’s today, except underwear and socks, is on sale for 50% off.”

Coworker: *exasperated sigh* “I KNOW they’re not 50% off! I want to know if they’re on sale!”

Me: “Yes…everything except underwear and socks is 50% off.”

Coworker: “So, it’s just underwear and socks that are 50% off?”

Me: “No, socks and underwear are the only things not on sale. Everything else is 50% off.”

Coworker: “So, are the gloves on sale or not?”

Me: “Yes.”

Coworker: “Well, for how much?!”

Me: “50% off!”

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