Absolut Intransi-Gince

| Working | April 18, 2013

Me: “Excuse me; I was looking for [brand] gin, but I didn’t see any on the shelf.  Do you know if you have any more in the back, or am I not looking in the right section?”

Employee: “You don’t want that.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Employee: “Gin is gross. It tastes like floor cleaner. You don’t want that.”

Me: “Actually, I am rather fond of that brand of gin. And, I need gin to take to a party where we are making gin martinis.”

Employee: “Buy vodka; it’s better.”

Me: “No, thank you. I don’t want vodka. I want gin  Now, are you all out of [brand]?”

Employee: “H*** if I know. Gin is nasty!”

Me: “Umm…okay. I’m sorry you don’t care for it, but could you still check to see if you have any more of that brand in the back?”

Employee: “No.”

Me: “No?”

Employee: “That’s what I said. No. I won’t check. Gin is nasty. Trust me, dude, I’m saving you from yourself. You don’t want gin.”

Me: “Is there someone else I can speak to? Is there a manager, perhaps?”

Employee: “Yes, there is, but I won’t get him.”

Me: “Why not?”

Employee: “Dude, you don’t get it. Gin sucks. It’s nasty. It tastes like a floor cleaner. I gotta protect the reputation of this store, so I can’t let you buy s****y alcohol!”

Me: “Never mind. I’ll get a different brand.”

(I wander back over to the section where the gin is stocked and pick out a different brand to purchase. I return to the counter and set the bottle down. The employee picks it up, sees what it is, and puts it under his counter.)

Employee: “For God’s sake, dude! I already told you, you don’t want gin! Get vodka, won’t you?”

Me: “Okay, listen: you don’t like gin, I understand. But, I happen to like it. Please, can I just purchase that bottle and be on my way?”

Employee: “Nope, not gonna happen.”

Me: “Okay, then get your manager. Please.”

Employee: “Fine, have it your way!”

(The employee calls the manager from the back.  The manager, an older gentleman, comes out of the backroom and approaches me.)

Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

Me: “Yes, there is. I just want to buy a bottle of gin, but your employee won’t let me.”

Manager: “Why would you want to buy that? Gin sucks!”

(I walked out. Luckily, I found another liquor store a few blocks away that had my preferred brand of gin.)

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This Repair Had Better Be No Charge

| Working | April 17, 2013

(I had taken my phone in a week before because it would not charge. An employee, Employee #1, replaced the charge port. However, when I got home I discovered it still didn’t charge.)

Me: “Hey, I was in here almost a week ago to get my phone repaired. Thing is, it still won’t charge. I wasn’t able to get in before today but it’s within the seven day repair guarantee. Could you check this again?”

Employee #1: “You dropped it. Sorry, can’t fix it.”

Me: “Uh, no, I didn’t drop it. Could you please look at it and see why your repair isn’t working?”

Employee #1: “Don’t lie. You dropped it.”

(As Employee #1 turns away from me, Employee #2 arrives. They’re much more helpful.)

Employee #2: “Here, ma’am, let me see the phone.”

Me: *gives him my phone*

Employee #2: *to Employee #1* “Did you give her a new charger when you replaced the old port?”

Employee #1: “No, because she dropped the phone!”

(Employee #2 pulls a new charger out, checks it with the port, shows me my phone now charges successfully.)

Employee #2: *to Employee #1* “The old charger won’t work right with the new port, you d***.  You should always check. You’re such an a**!”

(Thankfully, Employee #2 waived off the charge for a repair.)

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Counter To The Law

| Working | April 17, 2013

Me: “Hey, I’m gonna take my break now and go get some lunch. I’ll be back in 30. You want anything?”

Boss: “Um, you can’t just leave for half an hour! I’m not paying you to go hang out!”

(Sometimes my boss is really cool, but other times he can be a real jacka**.)

Me: “It’s not me. It’s the law.”

Boss: “No, you come back here and eat behind the counter!”

Me: “I’m okay with that, but why does it matter?”

Boss: “You have to be here in case we get a customer!”

Me: “I’m on my break. I’m not going to help any customers.”

Boss: “I do not understand this attitude! You are my employee and will do as I say! Unless you are tired of this job; in that case, you can just leave.”

(Note: my boss is not from America.)

Me: “Sir, I am in no way trying to be disrespectful. These are the labor laws in America.”

(His wife, who is American, comes back bathroom and has heard enough of the conversation to understand the issue.)

Boss’ Wife: *whispers into boss’s ear*

Boss: “Uh… okay. Go take your break… but do it behind the counter! ”

Me: *facepalm*

This story is included in our Lunch Break story roundup!

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Oh My Godawful Boss

| Working | April 17, 2013

(Note: I worked the closing shift at my store the previous night and didn’t get out of there until 12:30 am. I’m scheduled for the next day off, but I’m woken up by my phone ringing.)

Me: *extremely groggy* “H-hello?”

Manager: “[My name]! Why aren’t you here?!”

Me: “Huh?”

Manager: “It’s already 6:30! You were supposed to be here at 6 o’clock!”

Me: “…It’s my day off.”

Manager: “Oh my God! Are you high? You sound like you’ve been doing drugs!”

Me: “No, I was ‘sleep.”

Manager: “Oh my God! You’re supposed to be HERE, right NOW!”

Me: “I’m s’posed t’be off t’day.”

Manager: “NO! I have you on at SIX-OH-F***ING-CLOCK! Get your fat a** down here!”

Me: “Check the sched—”

Manager: “Oh my God! I was the one who wrote the schedule! I think I know what it says!”

Me: “Could you just please look?”

Manager: “Oh my God!”

(Her voice gets fainter and fainter as she walks away from the phone, but I can still hear her cursing me out.)

Manager: “Well, how about that? You ARE off today!”

Me: “Told y’so.”

Manager: “Well, I need you to come in anyway. [Coworker who called out yesterday] called out again this morning. Can you be here in 20 minutes?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “Oh my God! What do you mean, no?”

Me: “I’m at my mom’s house in [city two hours south of the store].”

Manager: “Oh my God! What are you doing there?!”

Me: “Her yard work.”

Manager: “FIIIIIINE. Can you be here in 30 minutes?”

Me: “I can’t come in today. I told my mom I’d clean her yard.”

Manager: “Oh my God! You have to be the most selfish, inconsiderate person in this whole store!”

(She hangs up. I heard her accuse three of my other coworkers of being “the most selfish, inconsiderate person in the whole store” as well over the next month, but she never made that same accusation against the one who called in sick–who, as it turned out, called in sick every weekend for the whole month.)

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A Les-son In Trans-gressions

| Working | April 17, 2013

(A little girl walks up to the counter with a handful of cards.)

Little Girl: “Excuse me! Miss, I have a question.”

Cashier: “What is it, sweetheart?”

Little Girl: “Well, my best friend’s moms just got married and I want to give them a card, but none of these are right.”

Cashier: *looks at cards* “What do you mean? They all have happy couples on them.”

Little Girl: “But none of them have two girls. I can’t give them a card with a guy on it. That’d be insulting.”

Cashier: “…Two women?! Young lady! Homosexuality is a sin! You should be ashamed for promoting it!”

Little Girl: “But I just want to give them a card.”

Cashier: “They don’t need any cards, those monsters! Polluting the minds of innocent children like you!” *snatches cards away* “I won’t sell you anything if it’s for those heathens!”

(The little girl looks close to tears. A young woman, probably early twenties walks up to her. The little girl throws herself at the woman.)

Woman: “Hey, what’s wrong? I thought you were going to find a card for Lisa’s parents.”

Little Girl: *in tears* “She said that Lisa’s mommy’s were heathens, and a bunch of other mean stuff!”

Woman: *to the cashier* “Who asked for you opinion exactly?!”

Cashier: “No wonder the girl’s so messed up. Teen mothers are going to h*** along with the f**s!”

Woman: “Not that it matters, but one, she’s my sister, two, I’m sterile, and three, there is nothing wrong with my sister. She is a brilliant little girl, while you’re just a bigoted b****.”

(The cashier opens her mouth, but the woman cuts her off.)

Woman: “Furthermore, the women she’s buying the card for probably do more good in the world than you ever have or will. But don’t worry, it doesn’t stop there, you cranky old woman. I will be coming back and reporting you to your manager because you don’t deserve to be seen in public.”

(She picks the girl up, and shows the cashier an engagement ring.)

Woman: “And, just to push your buttons even more, I’m engaged to a trans man, and he is better than you could ever hope to meet or get.” *waltzes out*

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