(Somebody recruiting me has called me. Although I didn’t catch the company name, the woman asks so many pointless questions about my personal situation that I think I am taking a survey, so I’m speaking casually, but also am confused as to what this is about. I’ll admit I have trouble talking on the phone because it takes me a few seconds to think of what to say. I don’t remember most of the questions but I do remember this.)

Caller: “How long have you been out of work for?”

Me: “I haven’t had a paid job.”

Caller: “That’s since…”

(A minute of talking later.)

Caller: “Have you checked the email we sent you with three videos?”

(This is when it clicks that this is indeed for a job.)

Me: *after a few seconds* “I don’t remember. I’ll open up my inbox.”

Caller: “Have I called at a bad time? Because I have hundreds of people to call and you’re not communicating.”

(I don’t know how on earth I’m supposed to respond to that. All I know is that I definitely don’t want to work for these people.)

Caller: “Do you want me to send an email with the videos?”

Me: “No. I’m good.”

Caller: “Yeah, I don’t think you’re the sort of person we’re looking for.”

(I know you can’t judge a company by one employee, but I think my bad communication skills saved me on this one.)

(I’m the customer in this story. My daughter’s first birthday is coming up in a week, so I decide to go to a popular chain grocery store to order a custom birthday cake for her to smash up. I go online and find a photo on a photographer’s website of another baby eating the cake that I want made and print it out to take with me, to help avoid confusion. The cake is iced to look like a giant cupcake. At the store, my husband, baby daughter, and I go to the bakery counter together.)

Employee: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Me: “Yes, I’d like to order a custom birthday cake for my daughter’s first birthday, please.”

Employee: *sigh* “Sure, I can help you with that.”

Me: *hands employee the picture* “I’d like the cake in this photo, please.”

Employee: *glances at photo* “Okay. What’s your name?”

Me: “It’s [My Name].”

Employee: “And your phone number?”

Me: “It’s [phone number].”

Employee: “What size cake do you want?”

Me: *glancing pointedly at the photo* “Um, eight-inch round?”

Employee: “Uh huh. Flavor?”

Me: “Vanilla.”

Employee: “Whipped cream or butter-cream frosting?”

Me: “Whipped cream.”

Employee: “What color do you want the frosting?”

Me: *again looking pointedly at the photo* “Red on the bottom, blue on top?”

Employee: “Um, okay. So we’re doing a photo cake?”

Me: *pointing at the photo of the child that’s obviously not mine eating cake* “I don’t want the photo on the cake; I want the cake in the photo.”

Employee: “What?”

Me: “I don’t want a photo cake. I want the cake that looks like a cupcake that the kid is eating.”

Employee: “I don’t understand.”

Me: *taking a deep breath* “I want an eight-inch round cake, vanilla cake, whipped cream icing, iced to look like the cake the child is eating in this picture. Red icing on the bottom for the muffin tin, blue on top. It should look like a cupcake.”

Employee: “Um, okay?”

(I spent the next 10 minutes explaining over and over what I wanted. I ended up cutting out the picture of just the cake and showing it to her that way. I think she finally got it, but we’ll see what I pick up next week!)

(A week ago I ordered a couch. The day of the delivery arrives and they deliver it in several small packages as expected. As always the delivery guys are in a hurry and I sign the papers without reading them, because they practically snatch them away from me as soon as I have them. After they are gone I unpack and only then I realize that one package is missing. Then I finally read the papers and find out that the delivery guys knew that all the time and didn’t tell me, which makes me pretty mad. Then I see that the missing package should be delivered later the same day, so I decide to wait. But, who would have guessed? They don’t show up. The next day I call the support people.)

Support: “Welcome to, [Furniture Store]. This is [Support]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi. Last week I ordered a couch and yesterday it was delivered, but one package is missing and the delivery guys didn’t tell me that. I only found out after I unpacked everything.”

Support: “Oh, but the delivery guys don’t always know if something is missing.”

Me: “I thought that, too, but then I found out that they even reported it on the delivery note. Now my whole apartment is full of packaging material and not assembled furniture.”

Support: “You shouldn’t have unpacked it, then. I see here that you have already got a new delivery appointment.”

Me: “If I had known that there is something missing I wouldn’t have. The appointment was yesterday and they didn’t show up.”

Support: “Oh, yes, I see it here. It was on too short notice; the delivery company couldn’t process.”

Me: “So, what now? I paid a lot of money to have it delivered that day.”

Support: “Yeah, I don’t know. Here is the processing number. They will call you, but I don’t know when. Maybe early next week.”

Me: “Can I get something of my money—”

Support: *interrupting* “If you don’t have any more questions, then?”

Me: “I have, what about the money for the delivery… Could I get—”

Support: *interrupting again* “You know, we have about 50 stores in this country. We don’t know everything about every delivery.”

Me: “Could I have the number of the delivery company, then?”

Support: *annoyed* “Yes, you can call them, but I don’t have the number.”

Me: “So what should I do now?”

Support: *annoyed* “Just wait until someone calls you. Thank you for your understanding.” *ends call*

(I’ve been coughing, sneezing, and sniffling a lot the past few days. It’s only sinus drainage, so I’m not contagious, but one of my coworkers is a bit of a germaphobe.)

Coworker: “Um… do you mind stepping back a little, please?”

Me: “Would you like a hug?”

Coworker: “GET OUT OF HERE!”

(I work in a library. One of my coworkers approaches me with a sheaf of paper in her hands.)

Coworker: “So, how do I know when my print job has finished?”

Me: “Um, when the printer stops printing out paper?”

Coworker: “Well, I know that! But how do I know it’s actually finished?”

Me: “Do you have everything you sent to print?”

Coworker: “Well, how am I supposed to know that?”