Liar, Liar, Hands On Fire

| Working | April 21, 2013

(My brother has recently bought a George Foreman grill. However, it doesn’t seem to heat up sufficiently, so my mother and I bring it in to return it. We show it to the cashier, who plugs it in and places their hand on it. Surprisingly, they pull their hand away in shock.)

Cashier: “AH! See! It is absolutely burning!” *touches it again and yelps*

My Mother: “Are you kidding me? Really?!” *puts full palm on grill*

Cashier: “What are you doing?! You’re going to burn yourself!”

(My mom leaves her hand on the grill for a good twenty seconds. It’s obviously not hot.)

My Mother: “See? It’s clearly faulty and I wish to return it, please.”

(This goes on for a while, with my mother able to touch it for a full minute, while the cashier pretends that it is too hot. Eventually, the manager walks over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

My Mother: “I’m trying to return this faulty grill, but she is saying it isn’t faulty.”

Manager: *puts hand on grill* “Has this been plugged in for long?”

My Mother: “Nearly five minutes now.”

Manager: “This is clearly faulty.” *to cashier* “Why are you saying it isn’t?”

Cashier: “The returns are hard!”

(We got our refund in the end.)

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Not Ever Working, Part 14

, | Working | April 20, 2013

(I have just finished ordering a pita and am next to the till waiting behind a person paying for their order. There is one person making the pitas, and two people by the till.)

Cashier #1: “Well, I’m off for the day.”

(Cashier #1 promptly moves into the back. Cashier #2 has finished handing the customer in front of me their order and is now looking at the food station behind the counter. I wait patiently for Cashier #2’s attention so I can pay for my order.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

(Cashier #2 ignores me and continues moving behind the counter. By now, I have been waiting for at least 10 minutes to pay for my food.)

Me: “Excuse me, can I please pay for my food?”

Cashier #2: “…”

(In desperation, I address the server preparing the food.)

Me: “Excuse me, can I please pay for my food?”

(The server glances at me, and then looks at the cashier.)

Server: “Why haven’t you helped this lady yet?”

Cashier #2: “I am not authorized to handle the till.”

Server: “Move over…”

(The server promptly takes over the till and allows me to pay for my food.  Meanwhile, Cashier #2 still hasn’t moved; she’s staring at a piece of paper I assume to be the schedule.)

Cashier #2: “…Can I go on break?”


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What Passes For Customer Service

| Working | April 20, 2013

(Although I’m 16 and no longer count as an unaccompanied minor, my mom still wants to walk me to the terminal in the airport. This is because I have severe anxiety and am prone to panic attacks in stressful situations.)

My Mom: “Excuse me, could I get a gate pass so I can walk my daughter to her terminal?”

Ticketing Agent: “How old is your daughter?”

My Mom: “Sixteen.”

Ticketing Agent: “She’s older than 14, so she’s not an unaccompanied minor. You can’t have the pass.”

My Mom: “Are you sure? I called in a few days ago, and they said that unless you’d had an unusual number of unaccompanied minors who had to have their parents take them, you’d be able to give me one.”

Ticketing Agent: “She’s over 14. She’s not an unaccompanied minor.”

My Mom: “I know. I was told that despite that, I could get a pass if you weren’t too crowded.”

Ticketing Agent: “They were wrong.”

My Mom: “Could I speak to your supervisor, please?”

Ticketing Agent: “Fine!”

(The supervisor comes out.)

Supervisor: “What’s the problem?”

My Mom: “I was told I’d be able to get a gate pass to walk my daughter to her terminal?”

Supervisor: “…And?”

My Mom: “…And your employee won’t give me one.”

Supervisor: *turns to agent* “Why not?”

Ticketing Agent: “Her daughter is over 14.”

Supervisor: “We reserve a certain amount for unaccompanied minors’ parents. That doesn’t mean all gate passes are specifically reserved for them!” *to my mom* “Here you go, ma’am.”

(Fortunately, my mom was able to go with me to the terminal!)

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He’ll Never See The Light

| Working | April 19, 2013

Me: “Hey boss, the electric bill is due.”

Boss: “I’ll pay it next week.”

(Next week…)

Me: “Hey boss, the electronic bill is due.”

Boss: “I’ll take care of it.”

(A few days later…)

Me: “Hey boss, that electric bill is a few days overdue.”

Boss: “I forgot. I’ll pay it tomorrow.”

Me: “But it’s overdue—”

Boss: “I’ll pay it tomorrow!”

(The next day…)

Me: “Boss, time to pay the electric bill.”

Boss: “I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

Me: “But it was due a few days ago.”

(My boss takes the bill from me and tosses it aside.)

Boss: “I’ll pay it tomorrow.”

(Three weeks later…)

Me: “Hey boss, we’ve received a second notification that the electric bill hasn’t been paid. We have ten days to pay it or else they’ll shut off the electricity.”

Boss: “It doesn’t count until the third or fourth notice.”

Me: “Well, you should pay anyway.”

Boss: “I’ll take care of it.”

Me: “Now?”

Boss: “Tomorrow.”

(Two weeks later the Termination of Service notification comes in for the overdue bill. I tape the notification, with the original bill stapled to it, to my boss’s computer monitor. My boss comes into the office and sits down at his chair. He peers at the white paper on the monitor and moves his mouse more rapidly, trying to get rid of the “white screensaver” for 20 seconds. Finally, realization sets in. He reads the notice, removes it from the monitor, tosses it aside, and begins logging into his computer. Ten days later our electricity was shut off!)

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One Carrier’s Trash Is Another’s Treasure

| Working | April 19, 2013

(After getting married, my husband and I have canceled our individual cell phone plans and gotten a joint plan with a third company.)

Rep: “Thank you for calling [Carrier]. How may I assist you?”

Me: “I just got a new plan with your company. When I called to cancel service with [Other Carrier], they told me that it was the first day of the new billing cycle, so I was still responsible for paying that entire month! I can’t afford to pay them $50 plus your bill. This is going to cut into my groceries!”

Rep: “Wow, that’s really poor customer service.”

Me: “Yes, I spent an hour arguing with them. I talked to several supervisors and they’re refusing to void the charges. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m so upset!”

Rep: “Um… with all due respect… what exactly do you want [Carrier] to do?  Your issue is with [Other Carrier].”

Me:  “Honestly? I have no idea what I expect you to do.  I really had no idea when I called.  I guess I just wanted someone to agree with me that [Other Carrier] is treating me unfairly!  Thank you for listening to me!

Rep:  Can I put you on hold for a minute?

Me: “Sure.”

(I’m put on hold. A few minutes later, the rep gets back on the phone.)

Rep: “I just spoke with my supervisor, and [Carrier] has agreed to give you a credit in the amount of your final bill with [Other Carrier] as a thank you for your business. Can you please confirm the exact total?”

Me: “…Really? That’s amazing! Thank you so much—it’s [amount]!”

Rep: “You’ll see a credit for [amount] on your first bill with us. Have I resolved your issue?”

Me: “And then some! Thanks again! You’re awesome, and I’m going to recommend [Carrier] to all my friends!”

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