No Pain, No Title Gain

| Working | January 23, 2013

(According to my friends and family, I rarely notice when I hurt myself; I’ve also told this to my coworkers, but they laugh it off. One day, I smack one of my legs into the receiving table’s legs, which are very sharp metal. I don’t even notice what damage was done until about an hour in my shift when I notice my work uniform pant leg is sticking to me and notice blood seeping through it. My manager notices the same thing.)

Manager: “What happened!?”

Me: “I guess this happened when I bumped into the receiving table.”

Manager: “THAT’S from a BUMP?!”

Me: “I don’t register pain, remember?”

Manager: “Go to the bathroom and get that cleaned out and [other manager] will bandage it.”

Me: “Can you get [coworker] to hold front, then?”

(My manager calls a coworker through the walkie talkie, and I hear his response.)

Coworker: “But do I have to? Are you sure she’s not faking?”

Manager: “There is a puddle of blood up here! I doubt she is!”

Coworker: “How do you know it’s blood?”

Manager: “Just get up here!”

(When my coworker get up to the front…)

Coworker: “See! She’s not even crying! Girls are pansies when it comes to pain. She’s just being lazy!”

Manager: “She’s not. If you would come around—”

Coworker: “You favor the girls so much! And she’s new! I’ve been here for 6 years!”

Manager: “I’m not! She is injured and—”

Coworker: “A paper cut ain’t no injury! I knew you shouldn’t have hired her! All girls like her are lazy b******!”

Manager: “You DO NOT use that language up here!”

Coworker: “This is what you get for hiring a college student!”

(Fed up, I step out to my coworker, pull up my pant leg and show him the gash. He instantly goes pale.)

Coworker: “Um… I got it up here… You go….”

(A month later, my leg is healed but I have a wicked scar on it, but also I receive a title promotion. Although it doesn’t mean much, I get to make the calls at the storefront when a manager is unavailable. Guess who got to be on my first shift for this promotion?)

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The Wicked Witch Of The (Employee) Vest

| Working | January 23, 2013

(My friend enters a well-known store that sells greeting cards and collectibles. He’s a Wizard of Oz fan and about fifteen years old.)

My Friend: “Do you have any new Oz stuff?”

Employee: “Yes, it’s over this way.”

(She shows him the shelf where the new merchandise is displayed.)

My Friend: “Tha—”

Employee: “So, who is this for? Your sister?”

My Friend: “No, it’s for me. I collect Wizard of Oz stuff. It’s always been a hobby of mine and I really love the movie.”

Employee: *laughs*

My Friend: “What’s so funny?”

Employee: “You’re a boy and you collect Oz?”

My Friend: “Yes, I love collecting and there is nothing wrong with a boy collecting Oz.”

(The employee walks away, rolling her eyes as my friend makes his selection. He goes to check out, the same employee is at the register.)

Employee: *rudely* “Is that all, or do you want more Oz stuff?”

My Friend: “You know, you’re really being rude.”

Employee: *rings him up* “Please don’t come back to this store.”

(My friend is in awe at this. He later reports the incident to management; the employee denied it, but thankfully the manager believed him.)

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Not The Most Gifted At Listening, Part 2

| Working | January 22, 2013

(This particular music and entertainment retailer has just entered administration, which in the UK means it could soon be closing and all employees are facing job losses. Because of this, the company can no longer offer refunds or exchanges. I’ve bought a Blu-ray the previous day, and come home to discover that an internal security tag is still active and preventing me from watching the film.)

Me: “Hi, I picked this up yesterday and—”

Cashier: “No refunds or exchanges.”

Me: “Yes, I understand that. It’s just that the—”

Cashier: “No refunds or exchanges.”

Me: “I don’t want a refund or exchange. It’s just that I bought this yesterday and—”

Cashier: “NO REFUNDS OR EXCHANGES. God, haven’t you seen the news? We are in administration and cannot offer refunds or exchanges.”

Me: “Can I talk to someone else? I really don’t want a refund or exchange.”

Cashier: “I’ll get my manager but he will tell you the same thing. No refunds or exchanges.”

(The cashier disappears for a minute and returns with a manager. )

Manager: “We don’t offer refunds or exchanges. I’m sorry; it’s because we are now in administration.”

Me: “I understand but I don’t want a refund or exchange, it’s just I bought this yesterday and—”

Manager: “No special circumstances. We just can’t.”

(At this point a security guard comes over. He takes the Blu-ray from me and removes the security tag, looks at his colleagues and mutters…)

Guard: “You are a pair of morons. Please listen to the customers, and save embarrassing yourself!


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Cold Hearts Can Leave You In The Cold

| Working | January 22, 2013

(Even though I have graduated college, I still use the campus fitness center almost daily. I’m used to the student employees there being rude and late to open the gym in the morning, and I’ve had problems with campus security being unhelpful in the past. This particular morning, I wake up to a blizzard. As I pull up to the gym, I see four other regulars waiting outside the door: two old ladies and two students, one of whom is in shorts. Keep in mind it’s 6:00 am in January in Minnesota.)

Me: “Hi guys! I take it no one is here yet?”

Old Lady #1: “Yeah, we’ve all been here since six and there is no sign of anyone yet.”

Me: *to the student in shorts* “Do you want to go sit in my car and turn the heat on? I really don’t mind.”

Student In Shorts: “No, I’m okay. I’m sure they’ll be here soon.”

(10 minutes later…)

Old Lady #2: “Okay, this is starting to get silly. Maybe I should call campus security and see if someone can let us in.”

Student #2: “I tried five minutes ago. No one answered.”

Me: “I bet you all a million dollars even if someone from security did come, they’d say it was against policy to let us in.”

Old Lady #1: *laughs* “Even they won’t be that ridiculous!”

Me: *to the student in shorts* “Are you sure you don’t want to sit in my car?”

Student In Shorts:“I’m still fine. It can’t be much longer.”

(After 20 more minutes of making small talk and pacing around, we are are starting to get angry and contemplate just leaving.)

Old Lady #1: “Hey, I think there is someone at the front desk! Finally, we can go inside!”

(We all rush to the door, and, sure enough, there is a campus security guard leaning against the front desk. She doesn’t seem to see us, so we start knocking on the door.)

Me: “Hey, can you let us in, please?”

Student In Shorts: “Hello!”

Old Lady #2: “Woman! Open the d*** door!”

(The guard looks in our direction, clearly sees all of us waving, but she doesn’t move and looks away.)

Old Lady #1: “Oh you’ve got to be f***ing kidding me. Hey!”

(We continue knocking and yelling until she finally slowly walks over and opens the door.)
Security Guard: “I’m sorry, I can’t let you in until the employee gets here. It’s against procedure.”

Old Lady #2: “You can’t be serious.”

Security Guard: “There’s nothing I can do.”

Me: “Can’t you just let us stand inside? We don’t have to go to the gym. We’ll just sit on those benches until the employee gets here.”

Security Guard: “No.”

Old Lady #1: “We’re not going to do anything. What does it matter if we just sit there?”

Security Guard: “It’s against procedure.”

Old Lady #2: “That girl is in shorts and we’ve all been out here since six! Just let us in the d*** building! You can stand and watch us sit on the bench if you’re worried.”

Security Guard: “No.” *closes the door*

(By this point, we’ve all had enough and decide to just keep pounding on the door and yelling until the guard finally lets us sit inside. She grumbles and complains about this until the student worker finally shows up. By now it’s 7:00am.)

Old Lady #1: *to the student worker* “It’s about d*** time, young lady. Why are you so late?”

Student Worker: “I felt like sleeping in. Plus, it looked so could outside. I didn’t want to leave.”

Student In Shorts: “Wait, don’t you live on campus?”

Student Worker: “Yeah, so?”

Student In Shorts: “Which building are you in?”

Student Worker: *says building name*

Me: “The one across the street from this building?!”

Student Worker: “I didn’t want to deal with the cold!”

(The other regulars and I were left speechless. I still see that student worker some mornings. If it wasn’t for the fact that I can use the gym for free, I’d never go back!)

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Age Before Snooty, Part 2

, | Working | January 22, 2013

(I work part time at a fast food place while going to college full time and I recently had my first child. Due to a high turnover rate, when I come back from my maternity leave there are several new faces.)

Me: *to a new cashier* “Hello! Nice to meet you. How long have you been working here?”

Coworker: “Oh, about a month. I know tons of stuff already, so I can give you pointers if you like.”

Me: “Well, that’s awfully nice of you, but I don’t think it will be necessary, thanks.”

Coworker: “Do you think I look stupid or something?!”

Me: “Oh, no! Not at all! It’s just I’ve been working here for two years and—”

Coworker: “You have not! I’ve never seen you here before. You’re just trying to act superior to me.”

(Hearing the raised voices, my manager pops up, thinking it’s a customer.)

Manager: “Uh, what’s going on? Are you girls okay?”

Coworker: “She lied to me! She said she’s been working here for two years but I’ve been here for a whole month and never saw her until today! She’s being mean and rude to me and I want her fired right now!”

Manager: “Seriously? You want me to fire my best employee on her first day back after her maternity leave because you’ve never seen her before?”

Coworker: “Well, she was also mean to me! You have to do something about it!”

Manager: “I find that hard to believe. This girl right here is the sweetest person I have ever met. She regularly takes care of our most difficult customers and is a joy to work with. I have never heard her make a rude comment to anyone ever. But if you are insistent on filing a report we can go back to my office right now and get started.”

(The new girl was very quiet for the rest of the day. The next day, she complained to a different manager that we were playing favorites and verbally abusing her. Not surprisingly, no one believed her and she quit.)


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