Let’s Hope They Have A Higher Calling

| Working | December 9, 2012

Caller: “Hi, is this [my name]?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Caller: “I’m calling regarding your bill for [service performed 8 months ago].”

Me: “Fantastic. I need you to call my mother about that. We’ve contacted you a number of times to dispute the charges, and each time I talked to your representative about changing both the address and phone number on my file to hers. I’ve authorized her at least half a dozen times to answer all billing and service related questions.”

Caller: “Ma’am, we’re not authorized. You have to be the one—”

Me: “I just explained to you that you ARE authorized to call her.”

Caller: “Oh, right. I see her on your account. Is she [her name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Well, in that case, you’re going to have to have her call us. As she is not authorized on the account, I cannot copy her phone number into your file.”

Me: “Why can’t I give you her phone number right now so that you can call her? I assure you she’s authorized. I understand that your department loses every piece of paper we’ve sent you in regards to this account, but I’m telling you right now, over the phone, that you CAN call her and that she CAN answer your questions. She’s also made it clear that she will not call you again, as her calls never accomplish anything and messages are never unreturned.”

Caller: “Okay. Well, ma’am, that’s all fine, so please just have her call us.”

Me: “Why can’t you call her?”

Caller: “Oh, well, we’re a call center and we don’t make calls.”

Me: “…Did you not just call me?!”

Caller: “Well, yeah. But only to settle a billing dispute.”


Caller: “Well, we’re probably not going to call her. But we need our money. Goodbye.”

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This Restaurant’s Not The Cream Of The Crop

| Working | December 9, 2012

(I am ordering a soup with cream, but ask for it to be only water instead.)

Me: “Can you skip the cream and use just plain water?”

Waitress: “Are you allergic to milk?”

Me: “No, I’m vegan.”

Waitress: “Okay.”

(I get my soup and see it’s slightly creamy.)

Me: “Um, I asked for no cream.”

Waitress: “Yeah, the chef forgot and started putting in cream. Since you’re not allergic, I don’t think that little bit would matter anyway.”

Me: “Err, could you please remake this?”

Waitress: *angrily* “Well, fine! What the h*** is your problem?! It’s only a little bit of cream and you’re not allergic. Why are you so d*** picky?”

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What’s (Not) In A Name

| Working | December 8, 2012

(My family physician tells me that I need to get some blood work done. So, I go to the medical lab nearby to get this arranged.)

Me: “Hi, Dr. [name] told me I needed to get some blood work done here. Could I possibly make an appointment?”

Receptionist: “No, we don’t take appointments.”

Me: “I see. So does that mean it can be done right now?”

Receptionist: “No, unfortunately we can’t fit you in today. However, I do have a slot open for 11:15 AM on Saturday.”

Me: “Oh, so you *do* take appointments.”

Receptionist: “It’s not an appointment. This just happens to be the earliest possible date and time we can fill you in on.”

Me: “Okay, I can live with that. 11:15 on Saturday will work just fine.”

Receptionist: “All right, I just penciled you in. See you on Saturday!”

(I got my ‘not-appointment’ and left the lab satisfied. I then showed up to my not-appointment the following Saturday and got my blood work done without a hitch. Thanks to the not-appointment I arranged, of course!)

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I’d Be Unhappy To Help You Here

| Working | December 8, 2012

(I have received in-store coupons for their brand of bacon, but didn’t know if I could use it for the nicer cuts.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you help me?”

Employee: *annoyed* “I don’t normally work out here, but go ahead.”

Me: “Oh, well I have this coupon here that—”

Employee: “Well, I CAN READ!” *snatches coupon from my hand* “Uh, yeah, of course. You can use it on that.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Employee: *rolls eyes and walks away without another word*

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Time To Try Another Tactic

| Working | December 7, 2012

(Note: I work for a family-run business. My father is the owner, and I am his only child, a girl. My father and I are the only ones in the office when a call comes in.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [business], this is Sarah. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like to speak to [my father] right away.”

Me: “May I tell him who’s calling? ”

Caller: *snottily* “No, you may not! Just put me through.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but [father] is on the phone at the moment. May I tell him who’s calling?”

Caller: “I don’t care! Tell him that his daughter is on the line and it’s very important!”

Me: “I’m sorry, who did you say? ”

Caller: “UGH! I said I’m his daughter. Can’t you hear? Now, put me through!”

(I pull the phone half an inch away from my face as if I’m talking to someone off the phone.)

Me: “Hey, Dad! It’s me from the future on line one. Do you want the spoilers or not?”

Caller: *click*

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