What The Heel Is His Problem

| Working | December 11, 2012

Employee: “You can’t wear heels, lady. You need flats.”

Mom: “…Excuse me?”

Employee: “You’re as tall as your husband. Wearing those would make you taller.”

Dad: “I do not mind. She is my wife, and I love her no matter how tall she is.”

Employee: “Wow… don’t mind?! Well, man up or you’re both going to h***!”

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When Caretakers Get Careless

| Working | December 10, 2012

(I am in the waiting room of my doctor’s office when two women come in. One of them is elderly and using a walker, but seems to have a good mental capacity. The other woman is her caretaker, but is constantly berating the elderly woman and speaking to her like a bratty child. After they check in, the elderly woman is looking at a pamphlet for free shuttles that the office runs.)

Caretaker: “Those aren’t for you! Those are for the staff only. You can’t ride that!”

Elderly Woman: *looks distressed*

(At this point, I’m fed up with the caretaker’s poor treatment and speak up.)

Me: *to the caretaker* “First of all, you should know what you’re talking about before you speak. Patients can take the shuttles; I do it all the time. That’s what they’re for. Second, I’m pretty sure your job title is ‘Caretaker’ and not ‘Total B****’.”

Caretaker: *turns beet red and shuts up*

Elderly Woman: *to me* “Bless you!”

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Their Problems Will Only Multiply From Here

| Working | December 10, 2012

(I am training a new girl. One basic of our job involves 3rd-4th grade level math. We are both in our twenties.)

Me: “Okay. They are taking two, four times a day. How long will it last?”

New Girl: “Uh…”

Me: “What’s 2 times 4?”

New Girl: “…12?”

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Who’s The Boss, Part 3

| Working | December 10, 2012

(I’m the supervisor at night, which essentially means I run the store and have the same authority as the manager. One new hire has not taken well to this. It’s because he’s 35 years old and has been in the industry for 15 years, whereas I’m 20 and have been at the store for six months.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll need you to work the milk to the shelves and then face aisles three and four.”

Coworker: “No.”

Me: “…Sorry?”

Coworker: “No. I don’t wanna.”

Me: “Well, I guess I can do that if you want to do what I was going to, which is work the frozen backstock and then face aisles one and two.”

Coworker: “No. You’re not the boss of me.”

Me: *flabbergasted*

Coworker: “I’m gonna do what I feel like, since you can’t order me around.”

Me: “Actually, I can. So you can either do what I said or get out.”

Coworker: “Nope, not listening!”

Me: “Punch out and leave!”

(He did leave after complaining. The manager was not pleased, and he got fired shortly thereafter.)


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Bad Managers Are Retch-ed

| Working | December 10, 2012

(I work in the fine jewelry department. Our staff is small, so the manager often schedules just one person to open the department. I call one morning, as I am feeling rather ill. My manager answers.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [name]. I know I’m supposed to open the jewelry department, but I don’t feel well.”

Manager: “Well, [coworker] is supposed to come in at 10. You can go when she gets here, I guess.”

Me: “Okay. I can try to make it until then.”

(I arrive feeling even worse, but do my best to get the department open. I’m halfway through counting up the last register when I feel as though I am about to vomit. I make for the bathroom as fast as I can, but I don’t even make it out of the department before retching on the floor. I phone Loss Prevention to tell them what happened. They tell me they are on their way to clean it up and to call my manager and tell her I must go home. I do so.)

Me: “I just vomited. Loss Prevention told me I need to go home.”

Manager: “Are you sure you can’t wait?”

Me: “Not unless you want me puking all over the diamonds.”

Manager: “Well, you can run to the bathroom if you get sick again.”

Me: “No, I can’t.”

Manager: “Well, I don’t have anyone else to open your department. Just clean it up and get the department ready for opening.”

Me:In the event that no associate is present to open the department, the responsibility falls to the manager.

Manager: “What?!”

Me: “That’s what our manual says. You need to open this department because I am not allowed to work for the next 12 hours, according to policy.”

Manager: “But—”

Me: “If you’re not going to open this department, that’s all on you. I’m going home before I make another mess.” *hangs up*

(She had me written up for insubordination!)

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