Me: *picks up phone* “Good afternoon, [Company].”

Salesperson: “Hello, I’m calling from [Power Company]. May I speak to your administration manager?”

Me: “What is it regarding?”

Salesperson: “I’d like to talk to you about using [Power Company] as your electricity provider. If you switch to us, you can save a lot of money every month. We offer very competitive rates.”

Me: “Yes, when I was in my previous company, I did that. However, are you aware that my office is just one of many in the building? Must the entire building switch over to [Power Company] to enjoy these rates?”

Salesperson: “Uh, well, you would need to change out the meter… But it also saves you a lot of money!”

Me: “From what I understand, you provide power to the entire building, not individual units. So you might need the approval of all the tenants here to do the switch. I’m asking again, do you need the entire building to switch over to [Power Company] to enjoy these rates?”

Salesperson: “Well, I can get our specialist to call you to talk about it.”

Me: “No, I don’t want to waste my time talking to your specialist if we cannot switch without the approval of all the tenants in this building. YOU go and find out and if you can provide this switch for just my unit in this building, feel free to call back. If not, don’t bother calling here again.”

Salesperson: *click*

(Honestly, I get it that she’s trying to do her job. But whoever asked her to make cold calls like this without her knowing at least some technical details ought to be shot.)

(My mom is home, and the phone rings.)

Mom: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hello!”

Mom: “Can I help you?”

Scammer: “Hello! Yes! We are calling from Microsoft! Your computer has malicious virus. Very bad! Please, we need to fix it!”

Mom: “Okay, I’ll bring it in!”

(She then hung up and went about her business.)

(I’m female and appear to be disabled at first glance. Recently, I had a number of contractors assess out basement and provide estimates for repairing a large crack in the foundation. While discussing potential stopgap measures…)

Contractor: “So, is your husband very handy?”

Me: “Not especially. I’m really the handy one.”

Contractor: “But I saw lots of tools in your basement.”

Me: “Those are mine.”

Contractor: “Oh…”

(He made sure to compliment my lovely flooring installation, dry-walling, and framing after that.)

(My mom works in a call center that takes orders for homecoming supplies for high schools – banners, cups, foam hands, etc. In between calls she will look at orders, because whenever there’s customization, there can be typos. Luckily, this one she manages to catch before printing:)

Mom: “I think this order needs to be reviewed again before being processed.”

Coworker: “What’s wrong with it?”

Mom: “I don’t think they want 300 cups that say ‘The Red Hot Loins.’”

(In his office, my dad has a picture my sister and I took at a professional photography studio. I’m about fifteen in the photo and my sister is about seventeen. One day this happens to my dad when his coworker walks into his office to ask something.)

Coworker: *looking at the picture* “Hey, those your women?”

Dad: “Those are my daughters…”

(Later my dad tells me this story.)

Me: “I don’t know what’s worse; that he thought you were dating two teenagers while married or that he thought your two mistresses would go do a photoshoot together!”