(My husband and I go out to eat on a Friday night that has indoor and outdoor seating. My husband goes to the restroom while I get a table.)

Hostess: “For how many?”

Me: “Two.”

Hostess: “Inside or outside?”

(I would like to sit outside but being pregnant and starving I may consider inside.)

Me: “Which is faster?”

Hostess: “Honestly, to go.”

Me: *I’m confused and stunned, maybe I heard wrong when she asked me inside or outside* “How long is the wait outside?”

Hostess: “If you can find a table someone is sitting at now and sit at the end where it’s empty you could sit now.”

(I’m still very confused as she is not really answering my questions, I take a look outside and see the tables aren’t big enough to share as it’s the size of a standard picnic table.)

Me: “No, I’ll just sit inside, I guess.”

Hostess: “Okay it will be a 20-30 minute wait.”

Me: “That’s fine…”

(I sat down to wait and was called in three minutes. I told my husband the story and he laughed but was also confused. Maybe it was pregnancy hormones that got me slightly upset, but it was a very strange encounter.)

(I am 15. A nurse perforates my eardrum while syringing it, which is incredibly painful, and is left to heal naturally for months. When it doesn’t, I have to have a myringoplasty to repair it. My parents pay for a private room, and after my surgery I stay overnight in the hospital.)

Nurse: *takes pulse and BP* “Did you decide what you want for dinner yet?”

(I’m not a foodie, and rarely have an appetite.)

Me: “No, I’m not really hungry.”

Nurse: “It doesn’t matter. You have to eat something.”

(I eventually give in and agree to eat a boiled egg. When this is brought to me, I take two bites and promptly vomit them back up along with everything else in my stomach. I’m too weak from my head surgery to even sit up on my own. I press the button to get a nurse, but there’s no response. After five minutes, I press it again. Another five minutes pass and a nurse finally appears.)

Nurse: *walks in, sees me literally LYING IN A POOL OF VOMIT, and impatiently tells me* “Yes, we’ll be with you in a minute.”

(And this, my friends, was in a private hospital.)

(I am working part time while waiting to hear if I have been accepted to medical school. I have just found out that I was successful but it requires me to move two thousand kilometres away. I have given my notice.)

Coworker: “So why did you quit?”

Me: *overly excited* “I am moving to [City] to become a doctor!”

(Beat.)

Coworker: “Well I’m moving to [Other City] to become an astronaut!”

(We’ve had a scam call come in almost daily. As the receptionist, I tend to hang up on them, but am getting fed up with the calls. I decide it’s time to have fun the next time the Scam Caller rings in.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Office]. How can I help you?”

Scam Caller: “Your computer is badly infected! You need to -”

Me: “Wait. Who is this?”

Scam Caller: “This is Kevin from Microsoft—”

Me: “KEVIN! How are you, pal? I haven’t heard from you in a while. Microsoft let you work there? How’s that doing for you?”

Scam Caller: “Yes, I am working for Microsoft. Are you near a computer, ma’am?”

Me: “All my life, seems like. So hey, Kevin, how is wife number two? Or are you on three now?”

Scam Caller: *getting irritated* “Yes, if you are near your computer, I need you to—”

Me: “Did you ever get the kids back, by the way? I know you were having some real problems after they busted you for meth. Still selling on the side?”

Scam Caller: “I am not Kevin.”

Me: “You just told me you were.”

Scam Caller: “Yes, my name is Kevin. But I am not your Kevin. If you are near your computer, I need you to please tell me if the computer is on.”

Me: “Wait, so are you Kevin or aren’t you? I’m not getting the joke.”

Scam Caller: *getting louder* “Is your computer on?”

Me: “On meth? Man, I hope not! You can get computers hooked on meth now? When did that start happening? Does it help?”

Scam Caller: *click*

(We never heard from him again after that.)

(I am in my third year placement at university. In order to progress to the fourth year we have to undertake a 40-week work placement in the industry our degree is in. I get an interview for a company in a city about an hour and a half’s drive away. The interview seems to start reasonably well but I immediately get the feeling Interviewer #1 has checked out before he’s even started, and he comes across pretty condescending as it goes on. Eventually, he seems to decide he’s had enough and that’s where it gets interesting.)

Interviewer #1: “So, you left it pretty late to get something. Was that down to laziness, or…?”

Me: *taken aback at the sudden change in conversation* “Oh, I had a placement secured but it fell through at the last minute. The company had a re-structure and couldn’t take on interns or placement students due to budget cuts.”

(Interviewer  #1 snorts sarcastically and rolls his eyes.)

Interviewer #2: *trying to get back on topic* “Would you be okay with the commute to and from the office? I notice on your CV your hometown is [City that’s one and a half hours from this one].”

Me: “Oh, it’s not an issue to me. I worked weekends back in my hometown and my university is in another city to that, so I’m used to the driving.”

Interviewer #1: “How are you going to fund the travel costs? It’ll be easier for you to find a place down here.”

Me: “Well, that would be the plan after a couple of months saving some money from the pay.”

Interviewer #1: “Oh, this isn’t a paid position.”

(By this point I am getting the idea he’d made up his mind before the interview had even begun.)

Me: “But the advert says it’s a paid position?”

Interviewer #1: “Yeah, we changed our minds on that one. It’s not paid.”

Me: “Not even travel costs?”

Interviewer #1: “Nope.”

Interviewer #2: *clearly getting a bit annoyed at [Interviewer#1]’s tone* “So, do you have any questions for us?”

Me: “Yes. I read the job description and it sounds like it could be a good challenge so I just wanted to ask what sort of roles you’d be looking for me to work on in particular?”

Interviewer #1: *deadpan* “You’d basically make the tea for us.”

Me: *chuckling nervously* “Ah, yeah, I can make pretty good tea! But what section of the office would I be in in particular, or would it be a floating role so I cover some time in one department, sometime in another, etc?”

Interviewer #1: “No, you’re not getting it. You’d be making the tea. That’s it. And maybe getting the post from downstairs sometimes when the receptionist isn’t in.”

(I dropped any hint of being pleasant and looked at them both.)

Me: “Okay, I don’t think this is the kind of position I’m looking for, and I don’t think the roles would be accepted by my university as suitable towards my degree. I don’t have any more questions so if that’s all I think we can finish up here.”

Interviewer #1: *rolls his eyes, gets up from the table and walks out of the room* “Sure, whatever.”

Interviewer #2: *looking awkwardly at the door his coworker had just walked out of* “Err… well, thanks for coming in, and… we’ll be in touch to let you know.”

(Of course, I never heard back from them again. I got weird vibes from Interviewer #1 all the way through from the start but thought he may just have been having an off day; I guess he’d decided from the start that he wasn’t interested but had to interview me to fulfil a quota or something. Shortly after I found a proper placement at a professional sports club working for one of the best GM’s I’ve ever been employed by, and got through to my fourth year and graduated without any issue. But, oh, if only I’d been an unpaid tea-boy instead; think of the possibilities!)