This Company’s CRM Needs A Wake-Up Call

| Working | December 27, 2012

(This happens while I am still a teenager living at home with my mother. One afternoon, I get a call on my cellphone.)

Representative: “Hello, this is [name] with [different electric co. than the one we use]. I’m sure you were shocked by your electrics bill this month!”

Me: “Actually, no. My mum is the one who’d have handled that bill seeing as I still live at home.”

Representative: “Oh, I’m sorry. Can you put your mother on the phone, please?”

Me: “Uh, no. You called me on my private cell number and I’m at work right now.”

Representative: “Right, so when would be a good time for us to call you back?”

Me: “Umm, I’d really rather you don’t call MY personal cell back at all. Call our home phone or my mother’s cell if you must, though I doubt she’s interested in your offer.”

Representative: “Okay, we’ll do that.” *click*

(Around the same time the next day, I get another call.)

Representative: “Hello, this is [other name] with [rival electric company]. I’m sure you were shocked by your electrics bill this month!”

Me: “Look, I just went over this with your colleague yesterday. I still live with my mum, so she deals with this kind of stuff, yet you keep calling me on my personal cellphone. Please just call our home phone and remove this number from your file, okay?”

Representative: “Um, okay.” *click*

(Sure enough, around the same time the next day…)

Representative: “Hello, this is [other name] with [rival electric company]. I’m sure you—”

Me: “Okay, let me stop you right there ’cause I’m getting kind of tired of this. This is the third time you’ve called me instead of my parents, even though I’m pretty sure I can’t even legally accept any offer you might have. How did you even get this number?”

Representative: “Um, well, there’s this new legislation that allows us to get the account holder’s number on file from your current electric company.”

Me: “Right. In that case the primary phone number would definitely have been our home phone which you don’t seem to have, and I very much doubt my cellphone is on there even as a secondary contact, given that I’m still a minor and all. Now how did you really get my number?”

Representative: “Um… right, I… I can see that you’re not interested. Thank you very much for your time.” *click*

(Thankfully I didn’t receive any more calls after that!)

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Pawning Your Work Off Is Fraud With Danger

| Working | December 26, 2012

(I work at a call center for a company that sells phone, internet, and TV services. I work in Billing and Ordering. On this particular day, I receive a call from Tech Support. Note: Tech is often pawning their job on us, as sending a technician out hurts their stats.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]; how can I help you today?”

Tech: “Hi, I’m on the other line with a customer. Basically, his service hasn’t been working for weeks. We’ve sent out technicians so many times that they’re refusing to go to his location anymore. I need you to send out a new install technician.”

Me: “I don’t have the power to do that. I can send out a technician if the customer needs a new jack or outlet, but I don’t have power to send out a new install tech.”

Tech: “Yes you do. You need to disconnect this customer’s service and set up a new account so he can get someone out there.”

Me: “Sending a technician out is your job, but let me see what I can do…”

(At this point, I put the tech on hold and talk to my manager, as the situation sounds suspicious.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I talked to my manager and he informed me that it’s illegal to disconnect and reconnect services like that. He also informed me that a technician can’t just refuse to go to a customer’s location.”

Tech: “Let me speak to your manager, because it’s not going to be that easy!”

Me: “Give me one moment…”

(My manager is already prepared to take the call.)

Manager: “Sir, I can not… no, WILL NOT allow someone in my department to commit sales fraud. We will not sell a customer a service they already have. That’s illegal and could get the company in a lot of trouble. Do your job and stop trying to get MY reps fired!”

(My manager then escalated the call to the tech manager, who fired the tech on the spot!)

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What A Buckle Head

| Working | December 26, 2012

(My father has just gotten into an accident. He has minor injuries but his motorcycle is done for. When the ambulance arrives, this happens.)

Paramedic #1: “Were you wearing your seatbelt?”

My Dad: “…Where did you find me?”

Paramedic #1: “On the side of the road.”

My Dad: “And what was next to me?”

Paramedic #1: “A motorcycle.”

My Dad: “There you go!”

Paramedic #1: “Sir, that’s no reason to not wear your seatbelt.”

My Dad: *facepalm*

Paramedic #2: *laughs*

My Dad: *jokingly* “And the airbag didn’t deploy, either!”

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Almost An Endless Conversation

| Working | December 26, 2012

(I’m a customer at a restaurant;there’s a huge sign outside that says, “Get endless refills your large soft drink for an extra 25p!”. However, they only have medium cups left. So, I fill up a medium and take it to the counter, figuring if I’m getting endless refills it doesn’t matter what cup size I’m using.)

Me: “They didn’t have any large cups left, but I want to do the endless refills offer.”

Cashier: “£2 please.”

Me: U”m… no. I want the endless refills offer.”

Cashier: “Yeah, you can get a refill once you’ve finished.”

Me: “And I don’t have to pay any more?”

Cashier: “No, you have to pay for another drink: £2.”

Me: “Doesn’t ‘endless refills’ mean that you can refill your drink as many times as you want for one price?”

(At this point, a supervisor walks over.)

Supervisor: “Is everything alright here?”

Me: “Yeah, I wanted to get the endless refills for £2.75.”

Supervisor: “You can refill your drink once you’ve finished.”

Me: “For free?”

Supervisor: “No, you have to pay for another drink.”

Me: “There’s a huge sign outside the restaurant offering endless refills for £2.75.”

(She goes outside and looks at the sign, then comes in and speaks to the manager. After a couple of minutes, she comes back in.)

Supervisor: “Sorry about that, sir, nobody told us about it. Oh, but the sign says you need to be buying a large drink.”

Me: “Yeah, but you don’t have any large cups left. But if I pay for a large, and I’m getting free refills, surely it doesn’t matter how big the cup is?”

(She stares pensively for a moment.)

Supervisor: “No. No, you’re right. That’s £2.25, then.”

Me: “No, it’s £2.75.”

Supervisor: “No, the sign says 25p extra.”

Me: “Yeah, but it needs to be a large cup.”

Supervisor: *stares for a moment again* “Yeah, yeah you’re right.”

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Checks & Dalliances

| Working | December 26, 2012

(Two months after submitting an accident report form following a minor accident, my insurer starts sending me duplicate forms to fill in. After receiving a second group of forms, I call them.)

Employee: “How can I help you?”

Me: “Please stop sending me accident report forms.”

Employee: “Oh, so you don’t like them?”

Me: “I’ve already filled one in, and sent you supplementary evidence.”

Employee: “The system says it’s not been received.”

Me: “That’s certainly not the case.”

Employee: “Just because you’ve sent it to us doesn’t mean we’ve received it.”

Me: “I’ve already discussed the contents with one of your staff.”

Employee: “Ah, in that case… yes, here it is, on the system! Definitely received. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

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