Much A-Queued About Nothing

| Working | May 14, 2012

(I am in the check out line when the checker starts calling for a manager. He has called over the PA system 10 times. A bagger beside him has joined in trying to help. The manager eventually comes over, but ignores the numerous calls for help and instead pulls all the baggers to the side.)

Manager: “Okay, I need you over there, you in this line, you all the way at the end, and you need to go get carts.”

Bagger: “But why are [other bagger] and I switching lines? Can’t we just stay at the ones we are already helping?”

Manager: “No, because he is taller than you, and [other bagger] is taller than both of you! YOU MUST BE LINED UP BY HEIGHT!”

(My checker had to call the manager another 16 times before he would help.)

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The Pay’s Okay, But The Bosses Are A Real Chore

| Working | May 13, 2012

(I am a minor, but I love answering the phone in my house, and therefore often talk with many telemarketers. This one, though, takes the cake for strangest call.)

Caller: “Yes, this is [name] from [home security company]. I’d just like to ask a few questions about your home to get a better understanding of the systems that are or should be used in your area. Are you over 18 years of age?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “I’m sorry ma’am, I didn’t catch that. Are you over 18 years of age?”

Me: *loudly and clearly* “NO.”

Caller: *still not understanding* “Alright, and what has your economic situation been in the past month?”

Me: “Well, my allowance went up five dollars!”

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Sweet, If A Bit Wonky

| Working | May 12, 2012

(My coworker and I are dusting chocolate bars when this exchange happens.)

Coworker: “Man…Willy Wonka must have, like, so much money!”

Me: “Yeah, but I think that’s Nestle.”

Coworker: “No, like, look at all the candy his company makes! He must just be loaded!”

Me: *playing along* “Uh, yep. Pretty loaded…”

Coworker: “I wonder how he comes up with all this stuff? He must be a mad genius or something!”

(I can’t tell if she’s joking, so I go over and grab a box of Runts, look at the back, and confirm that it’s Nestle.)

Me: “Yeah, definitely Nestle. It says right here on the back.”

Coworker: *ignores me* “I just can’t believe how many products he’s come up with. He seriously must have just so much money!”

Me: “[Coworker], you know that Willy Wonka is not a real person right? He’s a character created by Roald Dahl for a book.”

Coworker: “What?! Are you kidding me?” *laughs hysterically* “This whole time I thought he was a real person!”

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Toe-tally Not Helping

| Working | May 11, 2012

(I am shopping for shoes and am being “helped” by the salesman. Note that there is no language barrier.)

Me: “Um, I don’t think this pair is going to do it.”

Salesman: “What’s the matter with them?”

Me: “They don’t fit.”

Salesman: “But what’s wrong with them?”

Me: “They hurt here…” *pointing* “…and here…” *pointing* “…and they are squashing my toes.

Salesman: *gets agitated* “But what’s wrong with them?!”

Me: “I think the toes may be too pointy. I guess I have rather square feet.”

Salesman: “But you don’t like them?!”

Me: “No, I think my toes are too—”

Salesman: “I can’t help it if you have stupid feet!”

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Gullible’s Travels, Part 2

, | Working | May 11, 2012

(I’ve just had minor surgery on my hand and returned to work. I am wearing a bandage and a glove over that for health and safety reasons. Note that this is Australia, where there are precisely zero bears.)

Coworker: “Why are you wearing a glove?”

Me: *lifts up arm to show her the bandage*

Coworker: “Oooh, how’d that happen? Did you…cut yourself?! Tell me!”

Me: “Nah. Got in a fight with a bear.”

Coworker: “Really? Wow!”

Me: “Yeah, I know, it was intense.”

Coworker: *completely serious* “How’d you get in a fight with a bear?!”


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