The Server Is Not Always Right

, | Working | March 20, 2013

Me: “I would like a five-piece chicken tenders, a chicken sandwich, and a double cheeseburger with just pickles.”

(Note: I should have ordered “chicken strips”, because at this restaurant, “chicken tenders” refer to what most other restaurants call nuggets.)

Server: “We only have a four-piece for tenders.”

Me:  “Oh, sorry. I meant a five-piece strips.”

Server: “Make up your mind! Do you want strips or tenders?!”

Me: “I just said that I wanted the strips. Sorry again; I was a little confused when I first ordered.”

Server: “So you want a five-piece strips, a chicken sandwich, and a hamburger plain.”

Me:  “Double cheeseburger with just pickles.”

Server: *condescendingly* “Sure… the customer is ALWAYS right.”

(When I got back to my co-workers, I discovered that I was 1) given a double cheeseburger with everything but pickles, 2) there were only three chicken strips and 3) the chicken sandwich was missing completely.)

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Congratulations, It’s A Boo-Boo

| Working | March 20, 2013

Coworker: “Excuse me, [boss]; could I possibly leave an hour early tomorrow?”

Boss: “Why do you need the time off?”

Coworker: “I have to take my girlfriend to the doctor.”

Boss: “What?! Really?!”

Coworker: “Yes, she’s fine, but they want to see her.”

Boss: “Okay then. You can take the whole day off tomorrow!”

Coworker: “What? I only need an hour off, not the whole day.”

Boss: “No, I insist. You need to be there for your girlfriend during these times.”

Coworker: *confused* “Well, okay, if you insist.”

(As directed by our boss, my coworker takes an entire day off. He returns the day after that to find the office decorated with balloons, party decorations, and banners that read “Congratulations to our Future Dad, [Coworker]!” Our boss has even prepared a bunch of snacks for this occasion.)

Boss: “There’s our main man!” *pats coworker on the back*

Other Coworkers: “Congratulations, [coworker]!”

Coworker: “Whoa whoa whoa! Wait up a minute here. What the h*** is going on?”

Boss: “C’mon, don’t be shy! We’re here to celebrate a new milestone in your life!”

Coworker: “What milestone? I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Boss: “Sorry if I blew your secret, but I just couldn’t resist sharing the news! Congratulations, Dad!”

Coworker: “Uhh, no, I am not about to be a father.”

Boss: “…I thought you had to take your girlfriend to the doctor?”

Coworker: “That was a routine checkup! We’re not expecting!”

Boss: “Well, you should’ve been clearer!”

Coworker: “Even if we were expecting, don’t you think this is a bit grandiose for a baby shower?”

Boss: “I was really excited for you! It’s hard for me to not go all out!”

(Fortunately, we still had a lot of fun at our coworker’s “baby shower” and got a few good laughs out of it!)

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Have Some Sympathy, For Crying Out Loud

| Working | March 20, 2013

(I’ve been having severe stomach cramps for three days. My doctor sends me to the ER to get an appendix, gallbladder, and kidney ultrasound. I’m in a wheelchair in the ER waiting room with my mom, as the stomach pain has progressed to the point where I cannot walk without assistance.)

Registrar: “[My name]?”

Me: “Over here.”

Registrar: “Let’s get you registered.” *to my mom* “You need to stay out here.”

(The registrar wheels me away quickly. As she does so, another wave of severe cramps hit me and I start to cry.)

Registrar: “WHY are you CRYING? We won’t be gone that long.”

Me: “BECAUSE I’M IN PAIN, THAT’S WHY!”

Registrar: *shuts up*

(Turns out I had gallstones and pancreatitis! I had a very good reason to cry, Ms. Registrar!)

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Tell This Manager To (Life) Stuff It

| Working | March 20, 2013

(I am the ticket office person for a very small underground show venue. There is no backup, so I’ve had to come to work sick countless times, eat dinner while working in front of the customers, and close my box office to go to the bathroom.)

Me: “Excuse me, [manager]? My husband is graduating from university on [date]. I am telling you two months in advance so you can find someone to replace me.”

Manager: “No! It’s a Sunday and during [festival]. I need you here.”

Me: “With two months notice, isn’t it possible to find a replacement just for that one day?”

Manager: “No. It would be too expensive to hire and train someone just for one day.”

Me: “Maybe you would be training them for more than just a day. That person could be your backup in case I fall ill or have a family obligation. I’m sure a student would be more than happy to work here on-call once in a while.”

Manager: “No. You knew what the schedule was when I hired you.”

Me: “In my six months of working here, I have missed birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Easter. I said nothing, because these occasions come back every year. My husband’s graduation won’t. Same for the weddings and christenings I will have to attend in a very near future.”

Manager: “I knew I should not have hired a married 27-year-old! You people just have too much… life stuff going on! Next thing we know, you’ll be pregnant!”

(I attended my husband’s graduation anyway, and quit the job.)

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As-Sale-ing Your Manager

| Working | March 19, 2013

(I’m demonstrating a collapsible umbrella to a customer.)

Me: “…and as you can see, it’s an extremely durable fabric here, and—”

Customer: “You’re not going to open that inside are you?”

Me: “Well, you’d like me to demonstrate it, right?”

Customer: “But that’s bad luck!”

(Unbeknownst to me, my manager is walking behind the register, RIGHT behind me in an attempt to grab the stapler.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’ll gladly get a bit of bad luck so you can see the full benefits of it!”

(I click the open button the umbrella. The center shoots out and NAILS my manager right in the gut, followed by the the umbrella fully opening and SMACKING him in the face. My manager gives me a pained look; I think I’m going to get fired, so I switch to a joking tone.)

Me: “Uh… well now, I guess one of the additional features this umbrella has is that it’s a great manager-smacker!”

Customer:  *laughing* “In that case, I’ll take three!”

(Thankfully, I didn’t get fired. However, my manager told me not to make a habit out of it, no matter how many umbrellas that would sell!)

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