(I am standing in the break room, warming up a couple of muffins for breakfast. A coworker comes in.)

Coworker: “I don’t know how you do it. You get up every morning and bake two muffins for yourself. That seems like so much trouble.”

Me: *thinking this is some kind of joke* “Uh… what?”

Coworker: “You bake two muffins every morning! That’s a lot of trouble!”

Me: *realizing she’s sincere* “I bake a batch over the weekend and just keep them in the refrigerator.”

(A look of amazement comes over my coworker’s face.)

Coworker: “YOU CAN DO THAT?! I thought you had to eat them all right away so they don’t go bad!”

Me: *still not entirely convinced this isn’t a joke* “Uh, it’s just basic. They’re not that perishable. Really, are you serious?”

Coworker: “Yeah! I didn’t know that!”

Me: *bewildered, a bit horrified, I take my muffins out* “Well, I got a bunch of stuff to do…”

(I scampered back to my desk, and later heard her talking to someone else about how she didn’t know you could keep muffins. Apparently she rarely kept ANY leftovers, somehow thinking that food goes bad in minutes. And a few months later we repeated the scene; she entirely forgot the conversation.)

Related:
Muffin Flop, Part 2
Muffin Flop

(I am currently looking for work during the story and I’m handing out a resume; I’ve also been on hormone therapy due a deficiency so I’ve gained weight because of it.)

Me: *enters the store and goes up to one of the workers* “Hi, I was wondering if I could see your manager? I want to hand in my resume.”

Worker: “Don’t even bother. You’re too fat to work in this store.”

Me: *shocked* “Excuse me, how has my weight got anything to do with getting a job?!”

Worker: “It might send the wrong message.”

Me: “About what?”

Worker: “That it’s okay to fat.”

Me: “Can I still speak to the manager?”

Worker: “Why?”

Me: *sarcastic* “I don’t know, because you’re being rude?”

Worker: *sigh* “Fine.” *calls Manager over*

Manager: “Hello, what seems to be the problem?”

Me: “Your worker here was extremely rude and prejudiced.”

Manager: “About what?”

Me: “My weight! I was just going to hand in my resume when she stopped me.”

Manager: “Well, you are a little porky and we don’t want to send the wrong message.”

(I stormed out and handed my resume at other places. I ended up getting a job somewhere else and paid better.)

(My boss and I are great friends, and often get off topic in our meetings.)

Boss: “Ah! Hang on; let me see your purse! It’s so cute! That’s new, isn’t it?”

Me: “Not really, I just like to rotate my bags.”

Boss: “Is that a [Brand]?”

Me: “It is!”

Boss: “OH! I love those! I’ve always wanted one in pink!”

(Fast forward a week. I am up near Chicago for the weekend when I come across a [Brand] store. As soon as I walk in, I notice a display of cute keychains, and front and center is a perfect mini version of my bag in PINK. I remember the conversation I had with my boss and burst into laughter.)

Employee: “Uh… can I help you with something?”

Me: *in between giggles* “You probably think I’m nuts right now, but here’s why this is funny.”

(I relay the conversation to the employee, and indicate that I plan to buy the mini purse keychain.)

Employee: “I love it! You know what would make it even better? If we wrap it up like a full-size bag!”

Me: “That would be fantastic!”

(She rings me up, finds a small box, ribbon, and tissue paper, and wraps the keychain just like a full-size purse for no extra charge. I head back to work the following Monday, walk into my boss’ office, and place the box on her desk.)

Boss: “Good morning, [My Name]. How was Chicago…? Hold on, what is this? *recognizes [Brand]’s logo* “WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Me: *smirking* “Just open it!”

(She opens the box and shrieks with laughter when she sees the keychain.)

Boss: “Oh, my goodness! That is incredible! It looks just like your bag, but tiny!! And it’s in the very shade of pink I like most! I’m going to put it on my keys RIGHT NOW. Thank you SO MUCH!! You know you didn’t have to do this, right?”

Me: “Once I walked in and saw the display, there was really no turning back… I couldn’t help myself!”

(This happened to my friend, and she still regards it as one of the most satisfying moments of her life. She’s at a mechanic’s she’s been to before, getting a routine oil change.)

Mechanic: “I just don’t know if I feel right letting you drive out of here, ma’am. I have to be honest, these tires are the worst I’ve seen in a long time. That can happen when you go for price over quality.” *he rambles on for a long time about how clearly the wheels are already warping and distending, how the rubber is clearly already cracking and old, and so on and so forth* “…but we can get you a set of good tires today for [high price] installed.”

Friend: “Hmm. Well, I mean, can we schedule it for after you talk to my lawyer?”

Mechanic: “Pardon?”

Friend: “I mean, you sold me these tires yourself last week, soooo…”

(The mechanic went white as a sheet and started stammering about how he was mistaken, then said he was “just pulling her leg.” He comped the oil change and my friend immediately drove to another mechanic to have the tires inspected, just in case… They were brand new, in perfect shape. Guess if you’re going to con someone you should probably be more detail oriented.)

(I’m the idiot in this story. I’ve just moved town for university. Up until the previous week I worked at a hotel and a store. I have transferred store, but work between both of its locations which have different names. The phone rings so I go to answer it in our normal fashion.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Hotel]. I mean [Store #1 in Town #1]. Wait, no, [Store #2 in New Town]– Nope, sorry, this is definitely [Store #3 in New Town]. My name is [My Name] and I clearly need a coffee. How can I help you?”