Someone Needs Alphabet Soup

, | New Zealand | Working | May 16, 2012

Me: “Can you pass me the ladle?”

Coworker: “What’s a ladle?”

Me: “That. There. In the pot of gravy by your hand.”

Coworker: *hands it to me*

Me: “So, what did you think it was called?”

Coworker: “Big spoony thing!”

Always Listen To Your High-er Ups

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Working | May 16, 2012

(The following takes place at my yearly review with the company.)

Boss: “Well, everything looks good. You’ve only missed one day of work, which you brought a doctor’s note for, and you’ve had zero customer complaints. I’d like to offer you a dollar raise.”

Me: “That would be great! Thank you so much!”

Boss: “Of course, per company policy, first we need to have you take a drug test. Any time we give a raise or promotion, we test again just to ensure the employees are still drug-free.”

Me: “That’s not a problem at all.”

Boss: “Wonderful. Well, here’s your form.”

Me: *glances at the form* “Um, ma’am? This has your information on it, not mine.”

Boss: “Yes. Yes it does. Is that a problem?”

Me: “But…I can’t take a drug test for you. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

Boss: “Look, do you want this raise or not?!”

(Needless to say, I wound up having to contact Human Resources about the incident. Scarily enough, very little was ever done. She’s now a general manager!)

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Yet Another Darwin Awards Candidate

| Bloomington, IN, USA | Working | May 15, 2012

(I work in the kitchen of a high-end restaurant that mostly employs college students as waitstaff.)

Waitress: “This salsa is really salty!”

(I look up to see her eating a green substance with chips.)

Me: “DON’T EAT THAT! It could make you very sick!”

Waitress: “Salty salsa won’t make you sick.”

Me: “Probably not, but that’s not salsa. That’s pesto that’s had chicken marinating in it for the past week.”

Waitress: “EW! How was I supposed to know not to eat it?”

Me: “Several clues: it was sitting in the garbage next to all the dirty dishes, it smells like death, and it has chicken blood and fat floating in it.”

(She wound up calling in sick the next three shifts.)


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Spelling Can Be Tufff

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | May 15, 2012

(My boss and CEO of her company is trying to type up an invoice for a client.)

Boss: “How many ‘f’s’ are in ‘tough’? I’ve tried one and two, but it still says I’m wrong!”

Hopping Mad

, | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Working | May 15, 2012

(My coworker is finishing taking an order from a middle-aged man.)

Coworker: *to customer* “Alright, lemme just get your name for the order.”

Customer: “It’s Bernie.”

Coworker: “Okay, it should be 10 minutes.”

(My coworker types the customer’s name into the computer. When I go to the labeling machine to grab the stickers coming out, I see “Bunny” printed on the label.)

Me: “Uh, I think you misheard his name.” *shows label with “Bunny”*

Coworker: “No, I didn’t. He said that. I’m sure!”

Me: *to customer* “Just to confirm your name…is it ‘Bunny’?”

Customer: “No…BERNIE. Do I look like a stripper to you?!”

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