Too Bad You Can’t Ctrl-X Coworkers

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Working | May 3, 2012

Coworker: “How do I print from this program?”

Me: “Ctrl-P.”

Coworker: “What? I do what?”

Me: “Press Ctrl-P.”

Coworker: “Where is that?”

Me: “Look at the bottom left hand corner of your keyboard. Press Ctrl. Then press P.”

Coworker: “I’m looking. I can’t see a Ctrl-P button.”

Me: “No. It’s two buttons. Ctrl and P.”

Coworker: “Where’s P?!”

Your Logic Is Up In The Air

| Seattle, WA, USA | Working | May 3, 2012

(My crew and I are installing glued-down carpet tiles in an office space. The glue must be exposed until it has set up completely. We’re a couple hours into the process, having just cleaned the bare floor of debris, and have started to spread glue. The job site supervisor walks in the room with a crew who is supposed to be installing ceiling tiles.)

Supervisor: “These guys are going to be putting in the ceiling tiles here, okay?”

Me: “No. I just prepped everything, and I’m glueing the floor now. No one can work in here until the carpet is done.”

Supervisor: “Well, I scheduled for you both to be here today. They should be fine. They’re working on the ceiling, and you’re working on the floor, so you won’t be in each other’s way.”

(The ceiling guys realize right away what is going on, and out of professional courtesy start packing up their tools to leave.)

Me: “I’ll say okay if you can answer this one question.”

Supervisor: “Yes?”

Me: “Where are they going to stand while working on the ceiling while I’m working on the floor?”

Supervisor: *speechless*

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Why Fast Food Has Lost Its A-pee-al

, | Canada | Working | May 2, 2012

(Two of my managers are showing a new employee around the restaurant.)

New Employee: “So, what’s that brush for?”

Manager #1: “It’s used to clean toilet bowls in the lobby.”

Manager #2: “Actually, it’s for scrubbing deep fryers.”

Manager #1: “Well, I’ve been cleaning toilets with it.”

Manager #2: “Er…I’m putting in for a new brush. Let’s keep quiet about this!”

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The Feeling Is Mutual

| Working | May 2, 2012

Ah, Government

| San Bernardino, CA, USA | Working | May 2, 2012

(Ten years after moving halfway across the United States, I still receive voter literature from California, but addressed to my Missouri home. I thought I would try, once again, to remove my name from California’s voter registry, so I call the San Bernardino county registrar office.)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling to remove my name from San Bernardino County’s voter registration list…again.”

Employee: “Why?”

Me: “Because I moved nearly 10 years ago.”

Employee: “May I have your contact information?”

(I give my former address and my Missouri address that is receiving the literature.)

Employee: “Hold, please.”

(After a few minutes, she gets back on the phone.)

Employee: “Your new address is not in county records.”

Me: “It must be. You send me voter literature.”

Employee: “Why?”

Me: “That is the question, isn’t it? Can you please remove me from your voter rolls?”

Employee: “Please hold.”

(Once again, she puts me on hold for a few minutes.)

Employee: “Ma’am, your current address is not in our records.”

Me: “Correct. It is in Missouri. That is why I do not want to receive voter literature from your county.”

Employee: “Why? You should vote.”

Me: “I do, in Missouri.”

Employee: “Can you come in and sign the papers?”

Me: “No. I do not live in California anymore.”

Employee: “Why?”

Me: “Because I moved my family to Missouri.”

Employee: “Why?

(As I mentally review approximately 119,312 answers I can give her, she speaks again.)

Employee: “Well, wait a minute.”

(After a brief wait, she returns.)

Employee: “I am unable to locate your new address in the San Bernardino County records. Are you sure it is in San Bernardino?”

Me: *frustrated* “No! It is in M-I-S-S-O-U-R-I. Osage County, Missouri.”

Employee: “Where do you live then?”

Me: *sighs* “Missouri.”

Employee: “Is that in San Bernardino County?”

Me: “No. It is in Missouri. Osage County, Missouri.”

Employee: “Is that in California?”

Me: “No. It is in Missouri. Although there is a California, Missouri…”

Employee: “Huh?”

Me: “Never mind. I do not live in San Bernardino anymore. I do not have a San Bernardino address.”

Employee: “Well, why did you call me then?”

Me: *face palm*

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