(It’s summer, and my husband and I are having a “stay-cation”. We’ve decided that it might be fun to go on a tour of our own city.)

Tour Guide: “Over there is a statue of [Important City Founder].” *proceeds to give us incorrect information about the guy*

Husband: “Um, excuse me? That’s not right.”

Tour Guide: “Oh?”

Husband: “No.” *gives correct information*

Tour Guide: “Thanks! Now, over there is [History Building].” *gives us incorrect information about the building*

Me: “Excuse me, that’s not right either.”

Tour Guide: “No offense, but how do you know that?”

Husband: “We’re from here. We’ve lived here most of our lives.”

Tour Guide: “Then why are you on this tour?”

Me: “…to learn new things about our city.”

(Earlier in the day, I got a phone call from a female scammer claiming to be from my auto lender. I had a password put on that account for security. About an hour later, I get another call while driving.)

Scammer: “I’m calling to get a car payment from you or your car will be repossessed.”

Me: “What’s the password?”

Scammer: “There is no password. I need your bank account number to process your payment or I’ll take your car.”

Me: “What’s my current address and which car is it?”

Scammer: “[Address from three years ago] and [Car I haven’t owned in years].”

Me: “You know what? Come and get it! It hasn’t worked for months! I’m going to sue you for selling me a piece of crap car! I lost my job because of it and now I don’t know how I’m going to feed my kids!” *continuous stream of profanity and accusations at the scammer*

Scammer: *keeps trying to interrupt, finally hangs up*

(Let him try to go to a place I no longer live at to take a car I no longer own.)

(We’re at one of our weekly team lunches at a pub near our office. By this point, several colleagues have gone back to the office. Two of my workmates are at the far end of the table are talking, and I’m discussing baby names with another one. This colleague is a single mother.)

Me: “On another note, [Colleague], my wife and I will be going for a baby in a few months. Given that you’re a mother, I was wondering if I could ask you for advice—”

(At this point, she starts cracking up laughing, bent double over the table. I’m just able to make out what she says next.)

Colleague: “Advice on making the baby?”

Me: “That’s not what I meant! I should have phrased that better.”

(She nods, still laughing.)

Me: “I meant advice on raising the baby. You didn’t let me finish.”

Colleague: *still laughing* “Of course you can.”

(Once the laughter has subsided, I check that the other two workmates haven’t heard. They hadn’t.)

Me: “Please don’t tell anyone else about this.”

Colleague: *jokingly* “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone who knows you.”

(My father answers the phone:)

Father: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, I’m calling with an organization surveying political opinions of Ohio voters.”

(A long pause follows.)

Father: “Okay.”

(Another pause, which turns into an awkward pause…)

Caller: “Well, the computer isn’t loading the questions I’m supposed to ask. Thank you for your time!”

(The caller then hung up.)

(I work for a financial leasing firm which deals with a major electronics store. In this company we have two directors who like to think they know our jobs better than we do. In reality, they do little more than interfere and make an a** of themselves to the extent our manager has told us to ignore them. One day when dealing with an application from a store, one of the in-store advisors calls us to see why customer has failed ID check. After asking a couple of questions it appears that the customer only just moved address and hasn’t had to time to update everything. Happily he agrees to come back and do it in 30 days. When I get off the phone I see both directors sitting on either side of me shaking their heads.)

Me: “Err… Hi!”

Director #1: “What was all that about?”

Director #2: “Why didn’t you process that?”

Me: “We couldn’t ID him. He had only just moved house and not everything was updated.”

Director #1: “So why weren’t you more helpful?”

Director #2: “Surely there other ways of getting around this; what is the normal process?”

Me: “Well, if we can’t ID someone then we can’t proceed to a credit check, and that could potentially be fraud if we ignored it.”

(The two directors just look at each other, then one of them stares at me like I am a complete moron.)

Director #1: “I’m concerned here…”

Director #2: “We should be processing EVERYTHING that comes through. You can’t just turn clients away.”

Me: “I understand, but we have protocol to follow to prevent fraud because there have been a couple of reported case over the last year!”

Director #1: “But how is it practical to deny a customer finance?”

(I don’t bother answering because I am honest confused; what do they want here?)

Director #2: “Right, here’s what YOU are going to do. You will pass all those details onto [Credit Manager] and get her to process this and will personally call this person to apologize!”

Me: “But we can’t—”

Director #1: “Don’t argue, just send it. We’ll wait here so we make sure it’s done.”

(I send the details to the credit manager, who loathes these two even more than I do. Within minutes of doing so she is walking across the room looking very annoyed.)

Credit Manager: “Why are you bothering [My Name] with this? This can’t be processed!”

Director #1: “We have to make sure that—”

Credit Manager: “Look, why do you think we have these measures in place? TO PREVENT FRAUD!”

Director #2: “We just think what’s being done here isn’t practical.”

Credit Manager: “And approving finance to a guy we can’t identify is? Seems a little skewed in my opinion, lads!”

(Immediately the two of them go quiet, one of the directors refuses to look at her.)

Credit Manager: “Why don’t you let [My Name] just do his work? There are other deals we can actually process.”

(The two directors hightail it away muttering to each. The credit manager just shakes her head in disbelief.)

Credit Manager: “Couple of bloody idiots!”

(From then on our manager told them that if they had a problem they were to take it up with her, not just confront the staff directly. Those two never spoke to us again.)