Why Fast Food Has Lost Its A-pee-al

, | Working | May 2, 2012

(Two of my managers are showing a new employee around the restaurant.)

New Employee: “So, what’s that brush for?”

Manager #1: “It’s used to clean toilet bowls in the lobby.”

Manager #2: “Actually, it’s for scrubbing deep fryers.”

Manager #1: “Well, I’ve been cleaning toilets with it.”

Manager #2: “Er…I’m putting in for a new brush. Let’s keep quiet about this!”

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The Product Of A Low Intelligence Quotient

| Working | May 1, 2012

(I’m working on the register while my coworker works in our hot deli.)

Coworker: “Can you ring me up for two biscuits with the half-off discount and tell me how much it is? I rang it up on the calculator, but I don’t think it’s right.”

Me: “Well, what did you get?”

Coworker: “Well, I typed in $0.89 times two and then divided it in half, and I ended up with $0.89 again!”

Me: “[Coworker], really?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “What’s $0.89 times TWO divided by TWO?”

Coworker: *embarrassed* “Oh God. Just ring me up, please.”

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Equipment 1, Employee 0

, | Working | May 1, 2012

(We have just finished eating at a fast food restaurant. Suddenly, we hear an employee yell from the back.)

Employee: “I hate you, you stupid shake machine!”

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Very Little IQ

| Working | April 26, 2012

Employee: “Welcome to [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Me: “I’d like a large Cherry Coke with very little ice, please.”

Employee: “Okay, that will be $1.87, please.”

Me: “Here you go.”

Employee: “$0.13 is your change.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(Before filling my drink, the employee opens the ice reservoir, looks in and gets a puzzled look on his face.)

Employee: “I don’t think I can make the ice any smaller.”

Me: “I meant a very small amount of ice.”

Employee: “Oh, thank goodness. I didn’t know what to do!”

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Have It Our Way

, | Working | April 26, 2012

Employee: “What drink would you like?”

Me: “I’d like a lemonade, please.”

Employee: “Okay, I’ll go get it for you.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The employee disappears around the corner to get my drink. Meanwhile, a slightly overweight man with a tag reading “Manager” comes along.)

Manager: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Me: “I’m being served already. You don’t need to serve me.”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “Sorry? No? Oh, well…um…I guess you can watch?”

(At this point, an employee comes back with a can of soda.)

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I said lemonade.”

Employee: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said [Soda]! I’ll go and get you another drink.”

(The employee disappears around the corner again. Meanwhile, she has left the soda on the counter.)

Manager: “This is why I’m fat!” *grabs the soda and drinks it in one big gulp* “So, what drink would you like?”

Me: “Um, I’m already being served.”

Manager: “What drink would you like?”

Me: “I’m already being served.”

Manager: “I said, what drink would you like?!”

Me: “I said, I’m already being served!”

Manager: *angrily* “WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE?!”

Me: “I am being served.”

Manager: “OH! YOU’RE BEING SERVED!”

(When the employee came back with my lemonade, the cup was disturbingly warm to the touch. Giving up, I left the restaurant, only to open up the cup later and find out it wasn’t even lemonade—it was some sort of slimy gunk.)

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