(The previous day one of our coworkers hosted in her home a going away party for another coworker. Due to a combination of personal issues I don’t do well at social gatherings and left early with the excuse that the noise was giving me a headache. Before I left several times one coworker or another had asked if I was okay because I was either uncharacteristically silent or my face had gone blank because I was trying very hard to listen. The next day one of my coworkers is loudly (because she works a yard or two away from my station) complaining about my leaving early and my weak excuse.)

Me: “Did my leaving the party early end the party?”

Coworker: *grumpily looks at me but has nothing to say*

Me: “No, the party kept going after I left. Would my sour face have ruined the party if I stayed?”

Coworker: *continues to silently stare at me*

Me: “The answer is yes, it would have. So why keep fussing about it?”

(I do like this coworker, but sometimes she drives me nuts! At least she stopped complaining about my social anxiety after that.)

Intern: “I wish I could live in Harry Potter’s world for real.”

Me: “Really?”

Intern: “Yeah, or wherever. Every fantasy world is better than the real one.”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t recommend Westeros.”

Intern: *pause* “What the h*** is that?”

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(I’m working in a deli at a popular store. We have roughly fourteen items in the hot box still waiting to be bought. I’m the only one there and so I go to make a call over the PA to the customers in the store. I end up saying the following instead of my original plan.)

Me: “Good Evening, [Store], and welcome to customers. If you’re wanting a nice late night feed, head over to the the hotter box for some great meals for a late night feed. All items up to 80% off, so why not steal a feed and feel good about it. Thanks for shopping at customers, the fresh food people!”

(A coworker has returned back to the deli without me knowing. I turn around, and he looks at me and states:)

Coworker: “What the heck did you just say?”

Me: “That we had food in the hot box to go?”

Coworker: “Not quite, [My Name]. Not quite exactly.”

(Meanwhile, a customer has come over to the hot box and approaches us.)

Customer: “Is this where I can steal a feed tonight?”

(Needless to say, no one has let it go with me yet.)

(I have quite severe anxiety that I’ve been honest about with certain managers since day one. Though I’ve gotten better through their support and encouragement, I do have a tendency to fixate on things and blow them way out of proportion and have on more than one occasion driven myself to hysteria over the tiniest issues. Meanwhile many of the staff have a slightly twisted sense of humour.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], I need to have a word with you.”

(It’s quiet and managers will often inform us of minor changes on our areas in person so I think nothing of it and come away from the front of the area.)

Me: “What is it?”

Manager: “There’s no easy way of saying this but… we’ve had a few complaints from other staff about your conduct and the things you’ve been saying and frankly we think it’s outrageous and unacceptable.”

(I’d recently had a few disagreements with a coworker over some of the horrible things they’d been saying and the fact they often won’t leave me alone, and instantly assume he’s gone to the managers about me.)

Me: *seconds away from a full on panic attack and trying not to cry as I worry I’m about to be fired* “Wha-? Bu-? I-?”

Manager: *starts laughing* “Just kidding, I’m just here to check your till.”

(It’s too late by this point and despite not being in trouble, in my head I’ve already been fired, denied about 30 other jobs, lost my flat, and ended up on the street because I can’t pay my bills.)

Me: *bursts into tears*

Manager: “Whoa! What’s the matter?”

Me: *through hysterical sobbing* “I thought you we-were about to fi- fire me.”

Manager: “Crap.” *over radio* “Hey, [Coworker], can you come to [area] for a second?”

(He guided me to behind the area, out of the customers’ view, and once my coworker arrived he asked her to help me calm down while he continued to serve at the area. It took about twenty minutes for me to calm down enough to go back to work. At the end of my shift the manager asked me to come into the office where he apologised for making me panic and promised to watch how he spoke to me in the future. Even though he freaked me out worse than anyone else, the way he reacted still makes him my favourite manager ever.)

(I launch a chat window to cancel a package that came free with the entertainment service when I signed up, but will automatically renew with a charge in a month.)

Carrier: “Hello! Thanks for choosing [Provider] chat.”

Me: “I need to cancel the NFL Sports package.”

Carrier: “I see that you’re inquiring about canceling your NFL Sunday Ticket. I can help you with that.”

Me: “Excellent.”

Carrier: “By the way, while I am pulling up the account, if I may ask, are you not a sports fan?”

Me: “Nope. Not a sports fan.”

Carrier: “By the way, before I set up the account for non auto renewal for NFL Sunday Ticket. NFL Sunday Ticket Max is the only place to get the maximum live football experience every Sunday. With NFL Sunday Ticket Max, you’ll have access to premium features such as Red Zone Channel and Fantasy Zone Channel. By keeping NFL Sunday Ticket Max on your account, you’ll be prepared to watch your favorite team each week, and you won’t have to worry about doing anything else.”

Me: “You might recall that part where I said I wasn’t a sports fan. I didn’t even watch the Super Bowl yesterday. I don’t have a favorite sports team. All sports teams can take a flying leap off a cliff for all I care. The worst possible experience in my view would be a live football experience, Sunday or any other day.”

Carrier: “Haha. All righty! Let me go ahead and cancel this.”

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