Time To Look For A New Job, Part 2

| Working | September 6, 2012

(On my way back from a Paris trip, I lose my purse. The bus driver calls my friend to tell her that I will be able to pick it up in Amsterdam. Note: I’m from Germany.)

Me: “Hi, I forgot my purse in the bus from Paris that arrived in The Hague at 5 am yesterday and then drove to Amsterdam. I was told I could pick it up here.”

Employee #1: “Can I see your ticket, please?”

Me: “No… see, it’s in the purse.”

Employee #1: “Then I need to see your ID.”

Me: “That’s in the purse, too. But I can tell you exactly what’s in there, and what it looks like.”

(I give Employee #1 a detailed description of the purse and its contents.)

Employee #1: “Well, that doesn’t help at all. I don’t think it’s here. You should go and check in The Hague. Who told you it’s here?”

Me: “The bus driver. Also, the man from the emergency hotline. The bus driver called and said he’d left the purse in the office in Amsterdam for me to pick up in the morning.”

Employee #1: “Who told you?”

Me: “…The bus driver.”

Employee #1: “Well, it can’t be here. You should check in The Hague.”

Me: “Listen, madam, I came all the way here from Germany because I was told that I could pick up the purse from this office.”

Employee #1: “Who told you this?”

Me: “The bus driver told me that he left it in this office. The bus drove straight from The Hague to Amsterdam, so this was its final stop.”

Employee #1: “Well, it’s not here.”

(At this point, Employee #2 notices that we have been discussing it for quite a while and comes over to help.)

Employee #2: “Excuse me, miss. What is your name?”

Me: “It’s [name].”

Employee #2: “Just one moment, please. Let me check for you.”

(Employee #2 goes to the back and returns not even two minutes later. He’s holding my purse that carries a huge paper sign with my name on it, apparently written by the bus driver.)

Employee #2: “This was behind the computer so it wouldn’t get stolen. Here you go.”

Me: “Thank God! I have everything in there. Thank you so much!”

Employee #1: “Normally, you wouldn’t even get it back! You know, normally this doesn’t happen. It shouldn’t have been here!”

Me: *gives up and leaves, happily clutching the purse*


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Some Questions Eat At You

| Working | September 6, 2012

(On my days off, I intern at a morgue. Because of this, my coworkers frequently ask me very odd questions.)

Coworker: “Hey, come here. You work in a morgue. You might be able to answer this.”

Me: “Oh, here we go. Do I want to know?”

Coworker: “What would be the best way to fillet a person?”

Me: “You mean to cook and eat?!”

Coworker: “Yeah!”

Me: “Have we forgotten that though I work in a morgue, I’m also vegetarian?”

Coworker: “Oh yeah. Never mind. Carry on…”

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Being Airheaded Is A Condition

| Working | September 6, 2012

Me: “Hi, I bought my central air conditioner from you, and it’s not working. I have the extended service contract, so I need to schedule someone to come fix it.”

Employee #1: “What type is it?”

Me: “It is [major brand, model type].”

Employee #1: “We don’t service that brand.”

Me: “Yes, you do. It is the preferred brand of your corporation. Also, I have the service contract sitting in front of me. Why would you sell me a service contract if you won’t provide service?”

Employee #1: “I’m sure we don’t service [major brand].”

Me: “I’m sure you do. Can you check, or else transfer me to a supervisor?”

Employee #1: “Fine, whatever. Hold.”

(I am put on hold for several minutes)

Employee #1: “All right, we can service that brand. Just bring it in to one of our service centers.”

Me: “As I said, it’s a central air conditioner. I don’t know how to uninstall it, nor could I lift it or drive it to your store. If I tried to uninstall it myself, that would probably void the contract.”

Employee #1: “Well, that’s your problem. You’ll have to bring it in. That’s all we can do.”

(I hang up but call back. Thankfully, I get a different employee.)

Me: “Hi, I just called to get someone to fix my central air conditioner, which is under a service contract. First, the employee told me you don’t service [major brand] despite selling me a service contract for it. Then he said that I had to bring it in to a service center to be fixed.”

Employee #2: “Of course we service [major brand]. And he wanted you to bring it to a service center? Did you explain that it’s a central air conditioner?”

Me: “Yes. I don’t think he understood the concept.”

Employee #2: *sigh* “I’m sorry, sir, some of our employees are idiots.”

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Next Time, Just Lend A Helping Hand

, | Working | September 5, 2012

(I’m the customer, and witness the following exchange. A girl of about 10 is at the counter getting food. She seems to only have one arm.)

Girl: “Mom, this tray is too heavy. Can you help?”

Girl’s Mother: “Sure, no problem.”

Employee: “Are you stupid? Use two hands!”

Girl: “I only have one.”

Employee: “You put your arm in your shirt. You kids always do that!”

Girl’s Mother: “Madam, my daughter was born with one arm.”

Employee: “Don’t let her be lazy! She’s hiding her arm inside her shirt to make you carry the tray. It’s stupid!”

Girl’s Mother: “She really has one arm!”

Girl: *pulls sleeve showing only a stump instead of another arm*

Employee: *speechless*

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Don’t Get This Owner Fired Up

| Working | September 5, 2012

(My friend works at a Russian-owned coffee shop. One day, he returns from a smoke break and the phone rings; the owner answers.)

Owner: “Allo? Da… Da… Nyet… Nyet… Da… NYET! Goodbye!”

(The owner then walks over to my friend and tells him the following…)

Owner: “Customer call. He says you smoke outside of shop. He doesn’t like it. If he says anything to you, you look at him and you say, ‘F*** YOU!'”

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