Small Minds Can Lose Out On Big Sales

| Working | October 20, 2012

(I am on a school trip from Germany to London when this happened in a Gothic fashion store. My English is pretty good, but I am shy and thus didn’t speak much and stumbled over words. I am also overweight and very insecure about it. I have found a corset which is obviously two sizes to small, so I go to ask if they have any more sizes.)

Me: “Excuse me—”

Employee: “THAT is definitely not your size.”

Me: “Uhm, yes. Do you have it in… uhm… a bigger… I mean… larger size?”

Employee: “I don’t think so.” *talking to herself, but clearly loud enough for me to hear* “Oh god, stupid tourists. Of course li’l fatty is gonna squeeze into that corset no matter what!”

Me: “I just wanted a larger size. If you don’t have any, I’ll look around for other clothes.”

Employee: “Yeah, I doubt anything we have fits you.”

(My english teacher has been listening on the side and speaks up.)

My English Teacher: “I doubt anything you have in here ‘fits’ any of my students. We’ll take our business elsewhere.”

(With that, my teacher made the entire class of 25 people leave, leaving the store completely empty. She’s been my favourite teacher ever since!)

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Watching Someone’s Patience Dissolve

| Working | October 19, 2012

(I am an IT guy and we have just set up a new computer network in our department. I am helping a coworker reset her password when we are rudely interrupted by another coworker, who is known as the office loudmouth.)

Loudmouth: “Hey, I want to clean my keyboard! It’s filthy.”

Me: “Okay, let me finish here and I’ll go back to my office and bring you some safewipes.”

Loudmouth: “Okay, but hurry up. I’m busy!”

(I sort out the first coworker’s problem, get the wipes and return. It takes 10 minutes max.)

Loudmouth: “I couldn’t wait for your crappy safewipes. I used correction fluid thinners and it cleaned up a treat!”

Me: “Oh, I was wondering why your keyboard is melting and why there are no letters printed on the keys.”

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Best Way To Toast Sexism, Bar None

| Working | October 19, 2012

(We’ve just hired a new bartender, and he’s on a training shift with me. About an hour into his shift, I notice something a little odd: he is completely ignoring any requests from female customers as if they aren’t even there and is only serving male customers. On this night, my neighbor is at the bar as she is giving me a ride home while my car is in the shop.)

My Neighbor: *to the new bartender* “Hi there. Can I get—”

(The new bartender makes a shooing motion with his hand at my neighbor and speaks to the male customer next to her.)

New Bartender: “What can I get you sir?”

(The male customer looks at her, then at the new bartender.)

Male Customer: “Actually, I think the lady was here first.”

New Bartender: “Well, I don’t take orders from women. Women have no right to speak in the presence of a man, and they should learn their place, not be out in bars. This is a man’s land.”

Male Customer: *shocked* “Um… I think I’ll wait for the other bartender.”

My Neighbor: “Hi, excuse me—”

New Bartender: “Silence, filth! You can’t talk to me!”

My Neighbor: “Actually, I can. And since you work here and it’s illegal for you to refuse service based on prejudice, you can either get me what I tell you to get me, or I can come and talk to [owner’s name] tomorrow night. Either way, you put your own nuts in the vice here, sweet pea.”

New Bartender: *turns paper white* “You know [owner’s name]?”

My Neighbor: “Yeah. And I might just come in and talk to him anyway since you apparently think it appropriate to be such a misogynistic heap of uselessness.”

Me: “Hey, [neighbor’s name]!” *I hug her* “I’m running a little late. We’re waiting for the closer to come in. She’s going to show him what the procedures are.”

New Bartender: *to me* “You know her?!

Me: “This is my neighbor. The one I told you was stopping by to give me a ride since my car was in the shop?”

(The new bartender knows he’s really screwed at this point, and tries buttering up my neighbor.)

New Bartender: *to my neighbor* “Hey, I’m… I’m r-really s-sorry, you… you ain’t gonna s-screw me with the owner are you?”

My Neighbor: *sips her drink* “Don’t hold your breath, sweet pea.”

(Knowing how hard the job market is, my neighbor actually DIDN’T file a complaint with the owner. However, ever since then, not only has the new bartender had no problem serving any customer who comes in no matter what gender they are, but he’s very polite about it. He told me the next day that even if my neighbor is not a physically intimidating person, she scared the crap out of him!)

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You Can Lead A Boss To Water

| Working | October 19, 2012

(A couple of regulars comes into our cafe and sits at table nine. While taking another order, I clearly hear them ordering two flat whites. After coming back from taking my other order, I see my boss pointing at the flat whites.)

Me: “Oh, two flat whites? I’ll take them to table nine.”

Boss: “NO! No, no no! Stop jumping ahead! I will tell you where to take them!”

Me: “But I saw them come in and I heard them order. They’re right over there on table nine.”

Boss: “Stop jumping ahead! I’ll find them!”

(She proceeds to search the tables for two minutes while swearing under her breath. I patiently wait, knowing what’s coming.)

Boss: “…You take those to table nine!”

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When Feeling Sauer, Just Invoke A Higher Power

| Working | October 18, 2012

(Note: I work very limited hours at a German deli, and so often have to consult a manager on food specifics. One of our managers can also be a bit spacey, so I always confirm with him any answer he gives me, because he sometimes changes his mind halfway through answering.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to buy some of the fresh sauerkraut. Do you know approximately how long it will last refrigerated?”

Me: “Well, sauerkraut by itself will last quite a while, but the kind we make here has bacon mixed in, which will affect how long it lasts. Let me ask my manager to give you a better estimate.”

Customer: “Sure, thanks.”

Me: *to my manager* “Hey, do you know how long this sauerkraut will last if refrigerated? I’m not sure how the bacon affects the longevity compared with the jarred brand.”

Manager: “It should last [amount of time].”

Me: “And that’s accounting for the fresh bacon in there, correct?”

Manager: *glares at me and turns to the customer* “It will last [amount of time].”

Customer: “Okay, thank you.” *goes to register*

Manager: *to me* “Don’t ever contradict me!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I was just trying to get a sense of how having bacon in the sauerkraut affects how long it will last.”


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