Have It Our Way

, | Australia | Working | April 26, 2012

Employee: “What drink would you like?”

Me: “I’d like a lemonade, please.”

Employee: “Okay, I’ll go get it for you.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The employee disappears around the corner to get my drink. Meanwhile, a slightly overweight man with a tag reading “Manager” comes along.)

Manager: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Me: “I’m being served already. You don’t need to serve me.”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “Sorry? No? Oh, well…um…I guess you can watch?”

(At this point, an employee comes back with a can of soda.)

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I said lemonade.”

Employee: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said [Soda]! I’ll go and get you another drink.”

(The employee disappears around the corner again. Meanwhile, she has left the soda on the counter.)

Manager: “This is why I’m fat!” *grabs the soda and drinks it in one big gulp* “So, what drink would you like?”

Me: “Um, I’m already being served.”

Manager: “What drink would you like?”

Me: “I’m already being served.”

Manager: “I said, what drink would you like?!”

Me: “I said, I’m already being served!”

Manager: *angrily* “WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE?!”

Me: “I am being served.”

Manager: “OH! YOU’RE BEING SERVED!”

(When the employee came back with my lemonade, the cup was disturbingly warm to the touch. Giving up, I left the restaurant, only to open up the cup later and find out it wasn’t even lemonade—it was some sort of slimy gunk.)

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A Brain Is A Power-ful Thing To Waste

| West Virginia, USA | Working | April 25, 2012

(I work in the help center at our company, and receive the following call from an employee.)

Me: “Help desk, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Employee: “My monitor is blank.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Are your computer and monitor turned on?”

Employee: “I think?”

Me: “Okay, hold on one sec…”

(I verify that their computer is in fact turned on.)

Me: “Okay, your screen saver has probably activated. Can you try moving your mouse or pressing some buttons on your keyboard for me?”

Employee: “Nope, still nothing.”

Me: “Okay, I need you to do something for me. Look at the lower right hand corner of your monitor. See that gray button there?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Me: “That’s the power button. Go ahead and press that for me.”

Employee: “Yeah, I see my desktop now. I didn’t realize I had to press that button!”

Viva La Rip-olucion

| Georgia, USA | Working | April 25, 2012

(A package has just arrived with an advertisement poster that our department is supposed to display.)

Me: “[Manager], we got a package.”

Manager: *opens package* “Oh, it’s another one of those poster ads. I hate these! We even already have one of just like this. Hmm…”

(My manager folds the poster twice and steps on it, ripping it. He then stuffs it in the trashcan.)

Manager: “Oh, darn. It looks like it got damaged in the shipment. I guess we can’t use it!”

Why Don’t You Lead By Example

| Canada | Working | April 25, 2012

(I’ve made a call to a business and have reached the owner of the shop. I’ve given him a short description of the health and safety training we offer for his employees.)

Boss: “Health? Safety? I wouldn’t care if all my employees died today!”

Me: “Uh…okay. Thank you for your time.” *hangs up*

0 Brains

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Working | April 25, 2012

(Note: I’m a customer. I overhear two female employees while I’m in the fitting room trying on a dress. They’re apparently reading the label on a soda bottle.)

Employee #1: “If this has 0 calories, 0 carbs, and no sugar, what makes it different from water? I mean, if you could drink this, why would you ever drink water?”

Employee #2: “Uhh, I guess it has sodium in it.”

Employee #1: “What’s sodium? What’s that do to you?”

Employee #2: “I guess it dries you out and stuff.”

Employee #1: “Well, I have oily skin anyway!”

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