Bone Achingly Lazy Versus Bone Breakingly Crazy

Working | September 27, 2013

Acting Zodi-Whack

| Working | September 27, 2013

(I am fixing the layout of a page with a coworker.)

Coworker #1: “So, how does this look to you? Should we have those speech bubbles or not?”

Me: “I don’t know. I can’t make any decisions. I am Pisces!”

Coworker #1: “Well who can make them, as I am Pisces too. How about [Coworker #2]?”

Coworker #2: “Oh yes, I am a balanced Libra. Sure you want me to decide it?”

Coworker #3: “How about a lively Gemini?”

Coworker #4: “No, you definitely need a strong Taurus.”

Coworker #5: “What is this fuss?”

Me: “We two are in charge of this page, and both are Pisces. We can’t decide.”

Coworker #5: “Well I’m Pisces too, so can’t help you. Sorry.”

Coworker #1: “That’s alright as long as a bullish Capricorn doesn’t show up.”

Coworker #6: “Well I’m a bullish Aries.”

Me: “One could definitely use a Virgo now.”

Coworker #5: “HOW RIGHT YOU ARE!”

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Ladders And Tall Guys And Bears, Oh My

| Working | September 27, 2013

(The employee helping me is quite tall.)

Me: “Could you get me these shoes in a size 10 from those shelves up there?”

Employee: “Yeah, no problem. Stand back a bit; I don’t want any boxes to fall on you.”

Me: “Okay…?” *steps back*

(The employee grabs the bottom box in a stack of 8 or 10 and attempts to balance the entire stack while getting them down. They fall with a loud crash. The manager sticks her head into the aisle and sees us picking shoes up.)

Manager: “What just happened?”

Me: “There was a bear.”

Employee: “A big ol’ grizzly.”

Me: “He’s gone now.”

Manager: *sighs* “Just get the ladder next time.”

Employee: *sing song voice* “Somebody’s getting a discount on their shoes!”

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Vegetarianism Versus Feminism

| Working | September 27, 2013

(I have taken my two young children to a popular family restaurant chain. My eight-year-old daughter is vegetarian. She orders a kids’ meal that comes with either bacon or sausage, and she plans to give the meat to her five-year-old brother, so she asks him what he would prefer.)

Sister: “Hey [brother’s name], bacon or sausage with my [kids’ meal]?”

Brother: “Bacon.”

Server: “Honey, you don’t have to let him order you around and tell you what you should eat just because he is a boy. What do you want to eat?”

Sister: “I am a vegetarian, so I am going to give the bacon to my brother.”

Server: “That’s just awful. You don’t have to give him anything just because he is a boy. You can eat all your meal if you want.”

Me: *losing patience* “Please bring my daughter’s [kid’s meal] with bacon. We’ll figure it out from there.”

Server: *to me* “I can’t believe that in this day and age a mother can be so sexist! How can you allow your son to boss around his older sister? That is just awful.”

Me: “My daughter is a vegetarian. She does not eat meat. She can choose to do whatever she wants with the part of the meal she doesn’t want to eat. Now please go and place our order, and I would like to talk to your manager.”

Server: “Fine.”

(She walks away mumbling.)

Server: “Shameless. Making a girl give up the best part of her food. Just shameless.”

(The manager never shows up, and while we like the restaurant chain, we are not going to that particular location again.)

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Strictly Sickly

, | Working | September 26, 2013

(One of our managers is really strict when it comes to getting days off on short notice. I am speaking to a different manager about tomorrow morning’s schedule.)

Me: “I know it’s really short notice, but I can’t make my shift tomorrow. I know I won’t be able to get anyone to cover me since tomorrow is Sunday, do you think you can manage without me?”

Nice Manager: “Sure! Don’t worry about getting someone to cover it. I’ll just mark you off now.”

(A few hours later, the strict manager comes in a sees me marked off for tomorrow morning.)

Strict Manager: “Why are you marked off?”

Me: “Because I’m taking tomorrow off.”

Strict Manager: “You can’t do that! You have to get someone to cover for you first. And don’t bother with whatever excuse you have planned. If you can’t get someone to cover for you then you have to work your shift. That’s the rules!”

Me: “But [Nice Manager] runs that shift, and he already told me I could!”

Strict Manager: “Well I say you can’t, so you better be here first thing in the morning tomorrow or I’m writing you up!”

(I start to argue, but my nice manager stops me and gives me a piece of advice. The next morning I take his advice and call work. My strict manager answers the phone.)

Me: “Hey, it’s [My Name]. I just called because I’m too sick to come in today.”

Strict Manager: “Oh, okay! I’ll just mark you off the schedule and let [Nice Manager] know you won’t be in. Feel better soon!”

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