Eye Of Noob And Toe Of Error Logs

| Working | April 23, 2013

(I am about to walk out of my office door to take a break. As I open the door one of the manufacturing managers is just standing there staring at me.)

Manager: “Hey, you got a minute?”

Me: “I was about to take a break, but sure.”

Manager: “Well, my computer is broken so you have to come and fix it.”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Manager: “The computer won’t wake up!”

Me: “What all have you tried?”

Manager: “I have been slamming on the keyboard keys for 20 minutes and nothing.”

(I notice that the screen is black and decide to investigate. His desktop unit is located under his desk.)

Me: “There, all fixed.”

Manager: “What was it?!”

Me: “It wasn’t turned on.”

Manager: “Witchcraft!”

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Please Go(od) Away

| Working | April 23, 2013

(I am looking for a Traffic Officer at a subway station to ask a question about their service. I finally hunt one down and I approach her. It’s been a long day and while I am annoyed and tired, I have a smile on my face.)

Me: “Good evening, how are you?”

Officer: “Good, you?”

Me: “Good—”

(Before I can ask my question, she interrupts.)

Officer: “Good.”

Me: “Good—”

Officer: “Good.”

Me: “Good—”

Officer: “Good! Thanks for the chat. Have a great evening!”

(She then turns around and walks away.)

Me: “…Good?”

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This Rep’s Number Is Up

| Working | April 23, 2013

(I’ve recently gotten my first mobile. However, a bank company has been calling me on and off for five days.)

Representative: “Is Mr. [name] speaking?”

Me: “Does my voice really sound like a ‘mister’ to you?”

Representative: “I don’t have TIME for this! Where’s your dad hiding?!”

Me: “I don’t know who gave you my number, but this is my personal mobile. My father does not use your bank.”

Representative: “Oh, okay, we’ll call back when he’s available.” *click*

(A day later, the same representative calls.)

Representative: “Hello, is Mr. [name] there?”

Me: “No. I don’t know him, I am not at all related to him, and I’m sorry to say that this is the sixth time you’ve called this number and it will not change the fact  that it’s mine.”

Representative: “Listen up, kid. This is Mr. [name]’s number, and I don’t CARE if he’s in trouble; we NEED to reach him. I suggest you take your f***ing bad-a** attitude SOMEWHERE ELSE, because we KNOW he uses this number. He gave it to us!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but I’m most certainly not the man you’re looking for. I’m a 15-year-old studying at [college], not Mr. [name]. I don’t have a bank account with anyone yet.”

Representative: “Cut the crap and get him on the phone NOW!”

Me: “Sorry, what was your name again? Didn’t catch it. And could you transfer me to your supervisor? ”

(He gives me his name and transfers me. Thankfully, the supervisor not only gets the representative on the phone to apologise, but also later calls me back to let me know the representative was calling a random number—mine—to cover up for his own father!)

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Problem Exists Between Chair and Knuckleheads

| Working | April 22, 2013

(My company has recently brought on a large number of outside consultants. They need company laptops to get onto our internal network. I’m talking to one of these consultants.)

Me: “I know you have three more people arriving later today, and we want to have their computers ready for them. If you can plug all three of those new laptops in, connect them to the network, and power them on, our computer team can get them set up remotely.”

Consultant #1: “Sure, no problem!”

(Time passes…)

Me: “Hey, guys, the computer guy says he can only see one of those laptops. Can you please make sure they’re plugged into both power and Internet, and turned on?”

Consultant #2: “Sure, we’ll do that.”

(More time passes…)

Me: “Hi, guys, can you please make sure those laptops are plugged in and turned on? Because the computer guy still isn’t seeing one of them.”

Consultant #3: “Yes, we’ll get right on that.”

(Late that afternoon…)

Computer Guy: “Hi, are you [my name]? I’m [computer guy] from tech support. I was in the area and decided to drop by and see what’s up with that one computer. I still can’t see it on the network.”

Me: “Huh, that’s funny. I asked them three times to please have it plugged in and powered on…”

(We go down the hall to the consultants’ room.)

Computer Guy: “Hi, I’m here from tech support to see about your laptop which needs to be set up?”

Consultant #4: “Oh, right. It’s one of those six over there in the corner.”

(The consultant waves his hand at a jumbled pile of laptop bags.)

Computer Guy: “…and that would be why I couldn’t see it on the network.”

(I consider it a small personal victory that I stepped out of the room before beating my head against the wall.)

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Flailing Upwards

| Working | April 22, 2013

(I arrive for my shift, which starts very late at night. My coworker is a notorious party guy and seems high and jittery.)

Me: “Hi, [coworker]. Are you okay?”

Coworker: “Fine! I’m fine! How are you!” *moves rapidly*

Me: “Okay…”

(I go to the back office, where I find a full dozen of empty beer bottles lying around. They’ve obviously just have been drunk, the smell is strong. My coworker comes in the room, swaying.)

Coworker: “What’s upppppp!”

Me: “Did you… did you just drink all these beer?”

Coworker: *laughs hysterically* “Nooooo! Maybe. A little.” *laughs hysterically and dances*

(I report his drinking on the job to my manager, who suspended him. I had to quit later because I moved, but I later learned he had been promoted to manager!)

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