The Feeling Is Mutual

| Working | May 2, 2012

Equipment 1, Employee 0

, | Palmerston North, NZ | Working | May 1, 2012

(We have just finished eating at a fast food restaurant. Suddenly, we hear an employee yell from the back.)

Employee: “I hate you, you stupid shake machine!”

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The Product Of A Low Intelligence Quotient

| Springfield, GA, USA | Working | May 1, 2012

(I’m working on the register while my coworker works in our hot deli.)

Coworker: “Can you ring me up for two biscuits with the half-off discount and tell me how much it is? I rang it up on the calculator, but I don’t think it’s right.”

Me: “Well, what did you get?”

Coworker: “Well, I typed in $0.89 times two and then divided it in half, and I ended up with $0.89 again!”

Me: “[Coworker], really?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “What’s $0.89 times TWO divided by TWO?”

Coworker: *embarrassed* “Oh God. Just ring me up, please.”

It’s Nobody’s Business

| Windom, MN, USA | Working | April 26, 2012

(I am a manager at my local fast food restaurant. I’m talking to an elderly, slightly mean coworker before I leave for college.)

Coworker: “You’re going to Penn State, right?”

Me: “No, actually I’m going to the University of Pennsylvania.”

Coworker: “That’s what I said.”

Me: “The University of Pennsylvania is an entirely different school.”

Coworker: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Yes, the University of Pennsylvania is in the Ivy League, and Penn State is in the Big 10.”

Coworker: “What’s the Ivy League?”

Me: “The Ivy League is all of the schools like Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.”

Coworker: “Oh… I always thought you were a nobody!”

Me: *speechless*

(My store manager, who has overheard the entire conversation, speaks up.)

Store Manager: *to coworker* “Have you ever considered that if he were a nobody, you would be his boss, and not the other way around?”

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Case Insensitive

| Dallas, TX, USA | Working | April 26, 2012

(Our company policy is to have user accounts get locked if they type their password wrong three times in a row.)

Employee: “I’m locked out! This must be a system failure, because I can’t be that stupid to type in my password wrong.”

Me: “Well, you were indeed locked out. I just unlocked you, so go ahead and try it again.”

(I hear the employee type loudly over the phone.)

Employee: “It’s still not working! See, I told you it’s a problem with the system!”

Me: “Did you check if you probably have Caps Lock on or Num Lock off?”

Employee: “You must really think I’m stupid! I already checked that!”

(I hear him typing again, but softer.)

Employee: “Oh… it’s working now.” *hangs up*

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