(I work in a little deli/cafe as a part time job in a very small village. It’s an extremely informal atmosphere and everyone is always joking with each other and our regular customers. The owner is also the chef (and an extremely good cook); unfortunately, he is also the only chef we have at the moment so he’s been working every day including weekends since January. We also have some problems with telemarketers. Despite being told explicitly, and sometimes angrily, that we’re really not interested and not to call again, they continue to do so up to about six times a day. The biggest problem with the calls is that we only have one phone line and they often call when we are very busy, like around lunch time. This means that it blocks incoming take away orders and distracts one of people working. On this particular day we’re just calming down from a rush but the front counter is still very busy but the kitchen is okay so when the phone rings the owner picks it up in the kitchen. Normally he just tells them to “F*** Off” and puts the phone down, but he seems to be in a bit of a silly mood.)

Owner: *talking on the phone* “Hello, this is [Deli]… Look you’ve been told before we’re really not interested! STOP. CALLING. US! The owner doesn’t work here so there is no one you can talk to… Me? I’m just the chef, mate; I have no control over who our energy supplier is… All right, then. Bye.”

(The front of house is now clear so I feel like a bit of banter.)

Me: “So, [Owner], you’ve demoted yourself? What did you do?”

Owner: “Oh, it’s been a steady series of f*** ups. My constant insubordination, slacking, and undermining my ability to manage my staff didn’t help either.”

Me: “Sounds awful. I’m surprised you put up with yourself for so long.”

Owner: “Yes and the final straw came when he did a poo on table two.”

(We exchange blank looks at each other through the hatch as I don’t quite know how to respond and I don’t think he knew he was going to say that.)

Owner: “I took it too far, didn’t I?”

(I’m currently four months pregnant and have found the best OB-GYN ever. However, before finding him, I went to this other doctor once whose office help is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. I’m told that I owe a balance that I never received a bill for, so I call them to clear this up.)

Rep: “[Doctor]’s office.”

Me: “Hi, apparently I owe a balance but never received a bill. Can I have one sent to me so I can make sure everything’s correct before making a payment?”

Rep: “Oh, I don’t have that information. You’ll have to talk to billing.”

Me: “Okay, what’s their phone number?”

Rep: “It’s [email address].”

Me: “Sorry, I need the phone number.”

Rep: “Yeah, it’s [email address].”

Me: “No, that’s an email address. I need a phone number to call them.”

Rep: “That’s how you call them.”

Me: “So I’m supposed to dial an email address on my phone?”

Rep: “Yup!

Me: “Alrighty, then…”

My company’s CEO told this story at an employee’s meeting:

Before taking the job at my employer, he was working for a train company in Northeastern England. At one point while he is working there, the local football (soccer) team makes a major final for the first time in many years. Naturally, on the day of the match, the trains are packed with fans making their way down to London.

Shortly before one of the trains is scheduled to depart, the train driver calls in sick, leaving the company desperately calling around trying to find a replacement who is available. Come departure time, they are still trying to find a driver, and the full train of football fans is becoming increasingly frustrated that there seems to be no sign of action.

Eventually, the company finds an available driver — in fact, he is a passenger on that very train, waiting to go to London! So he gets out of his seat, fully kitted out in team colors, including face paint, walks up through the carriage, gets in the driver’s cabin, and the train takes off.

Shortly after this, the company got a call from the police ordering that the train be stopped — apparently a passenger had called them. The CEO had to explain to the police that the fan who had “hijacked” the train was in fact a driver registered with the company.

(I’m working in the produce department of a grocery store. The boss has the department organized into three stations. On this day, I’m working station one and the boss is working station two. The boss ducks out for a few minutes, and I see the work starting to pile up on station two. As it’s only my third day and I’m still eager to please, I start working on station two to reduce the backlog. When the boss comes back, I go to return to station one, and he stops me.)

Boss: “No. By all means. Keep going.”

(I keep working on station two, and I start to notice the work piling up on station one.)

Boss: “You’d better get back to station one.”

(I go back to station one, but rather than resume station two, the boss just keeps glaring at me. Once the work on station two gets backed up again, the boss orders me back to station two. I finally get the hint, and I spend the rest of my shift working both stations while the boss just stands around and glares at me. At closing time, as I’m punching out, the boss corners me and stabs his fingers into my chest.)

Boss: “I hope you learned your lesson today. If you think you’re so d*** good that you can run this entire department by yourself, I’ll make you do it. NEVER work another man’s station!”

(I did learn my lesson that day. No matter how backed up any of the other stations got, I never again lifted a finger to help!)

(I’m 21 years old, pregnant, and one of my wisdom teeth has become dangerously infected. I visit my dentist, but he tells me to come back after I’ve delivered. Normally when I go to the dentist I take my mother with me, as I’m autistic with sensory issues and I get overwhelmed easily by the tools. I receive a call two months after getting the tooth pulled.)

Caller: “Hello! I’m looking for [My Name].”

Me: “That’s me.”

Caller: “Hi, [my Name], I’m calling from [Dentist]. Are you aware that you have a bill for $300?”

(At this point my daughter is crying and my mother is asking who it is, so I hand her the phone to tend to the baby. I calm her down enough to hear what’s being said.)

Mom: “I’ve talked to [My Previous Insurance] and they’ll cover the cost if you’ll file the claim correctly. It was a medically necessary procedure, which is covered. This is the third time I’ve told you to re-file the claim. If you’d done it right the first time, you’d have your money.”

Caller: “Well, it will soon be sent to collections. Even if it is covered, that’s only $100 from her bill; still needs to pay for the cleaning.”

(At this point I’m confused, because all we’d ever been told was that the $300 was for extracting my tooth. Furthermore, I had neither asked for nor discussed a cleaning with the dentist, as I was only going in to have that tooth pulled. It takes me a minute before I realize that he did clean my teeth, without warning or my consent, to see what all damage there was so I would come back, which I had no plans of doing.)

Mom: “[My Name], did he clean your teeth?”

Me: “Yes, but I didn’t ask for it or agree to it, and didn’t even know he was going to do it until he started. We never discussed a cleaning, just the extraction.”

Caller: *practically screaming* “Well, she can say that all she wants, but she sat in that chair and had her teeth cleaned, so it’s her responsibility, and if she doesn’t pay it will be GOING TO COLLECTIONS.”

(The caller then hung up as I started fighting tears. I had seen this dentist as a teenager, and he knew of my issues. Every time my mother had gone in with me for wisdom tooth removals he had done the procedure without a cleaning — but the one time I went in alone they wanted to spring a surprise cleaning on me, then charge me $200 for it. I won’t be returning there, or taking my daughter to see them.)