An Unexpected Discount

| Working | May 2, 2013

(“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” has just been released on DVD. I go to the register not only with The Hobbit DVD but two other DVDs, groceries and snacks.)

Clerk: *scans Hobbit DVD* “A good choice.”

Me:  “Of course. This one is a must.”

(The clerk finishes ringing up the items.)

Clerk: “Your total is [total], but everyone who buys The Hobbit gets a special discount from me.”

(The clerk pulls out the staff discount card and rings it up. I get discounted for all my purchases as if I worked there.)

Clerk: “No one will make any comments about me giving some discount anyway!”

(This discount turned out to be 10%-15% of the total purchase. Go Ringers!)

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When Things Go From Bad To Boss

| Working | May 2, 2013

(It’s early morning before the store opens. I am finishing up the daily portion of the inventory, when my boss comes, looking haggard and harried.)

Store Manager: “Our sales are down, labor hours are cut, and I’m having problems with a couple of the department managers. I don’t know how I can get through this.”

Me: “Cheer up. It could be worse.”

Store Manager: “How? How could it be worse?”

Me: *deadpan* “[President of the company] is standing right behind you.”

(The store manager whips around, but sees no one there.)

Store Manager: “Don’t do that! You almost gave me a heart attack!”

Me: “What?! You asked me a question, and I answered it!”

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A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 4

| Working | May 2, 2013

(My first name is Sherri. One of my supervisor got my name right the first few times, but she’s started calling me by different names.)

Supervisor: “Charlene!”

(I’m walking to another department to return some items, and figure she’s calling someone else.)

Supervisor: “Charlene!” *waves frantically*

(I turn a corner and keep walking.)

Supervisor: “Charlene!”

(I stop to put some items back on the shelf. Finally, the supervisor comes up and taps me on the shoulder.)

Supervisor: “Charlene! Charlene!”

Me: “Oh, you were calling out to me?”

Supervisor: “Your name is Charlene, isn’t it?”

Me: “No.”

Supervisor: “…Oh.”

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The Colour Derple

| Working | May 2, 2013

(Note: I have a rare colour-blindness where purple and blue look the same.)

Doctor: “So, it looks like your colour vision is atypical. Were you aware of this?”

Me: “Yes, I’ve got protanopia.”

Doctor: “Well, unfortunately, I’m going to have to send you across to a specialist to get a full report for the paperwork. The receptionist will give you the directions to her.”

(We finish the medical check and I leave the room to talk with the receptionist.)

Receptionist: “So, it looks like you need to get your colour vision tested in detail.”

Me: “Yes, the doctor said you’d tell me where to go?”

Receptionist: “It’s very easy; to get to the colour blind test, just go outside and follow the green signs until you see a red building. Go through the purple doors, just past the blue ones.”

Me: “Um, sorry, can you give me another way to get there?”

(The receptionist looks confused and repeats the directions.)

Me: “Okay, before I go, can you confirm for me why am I going to the specialist?”

Receptionist: “You are colour blind.”

Me: “Thank you. And are those the standard directions you have for colour blind people?”

Receptionist: “Of course. They’re very easy.”

Me: “Okay, last one: are your directions based entirely upon the assumption that colour-blind people can see colour?”

Receptionist: “Oh my god! So THAT’S why they kept coming back and asking me to repeat it! I though they were all just stupid!”

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Problem Exists Because Of Coffee And Keyboard

| Working | May 1, 2013

(My dad is an IT guy for a large office. One evening, my mother comes in to pick him up.)

Dad: “Sorry, I can’t leave right now.”

Mom: “Oh?”

Dad: “The entire network in the building is down. There is a server in the basement which requires a keyboard, and it has mysteriously vanished.”

Mom: “Alright, I’ll find somewhere to sit down.”

(My mother finds one of my father’s coworkers. He says that since the network is down, he can’t get much work done, so she might as well sit down and have a chat. So she does. Then she notices a keyboard hanging in the open window.)

Mom: “Why do you have a keyboard there?”

Dad’s Coworker: “Oh, I spilled coffee on it. I just put it there to dry.”

Mom: “Then, where did that keyboard come from?”

(My mom points to the keyboard dad’s coworker is currently using.)

Dad’s Coworker: “Oh, I found it in the basement, by the server. Nobody was using it, so I figured I might as well grab it.”

Mom: “…”

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