Don’t Get This Owner Fired Up

| Denver, CO, USA | Working | September 5, 2012

(My friend works at a Russian-owned coffee shop. One day, he returns from a smoke break and the phone rings; the owner answers.)

Owner: “Allo? Da… Da… Nyet… Nyet… Da… NYET! Goodbye!”

(The owner then walks over to my friend and tells him the following…)

Owner: “Customer call. He says you smoke outside of shop. He doesn’t like it. If he says anything to you, you look at him and you say, ‘F*** YOU!'”

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Eye Hope You See The Flaw In Your Logic

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Working | September 5, 2012

(I’m trying to get into a bar, and the bouncer cards me. I hand him my ID.)

Bouncer: “This doesn’t look like you. Are you sure this is yours?”

Me: “Yes!”

Bouncer: “What’s your name?”

Me: *I answer*

Bouncer: “Address?”

Me: *I answer*

Bouncer: “Height?”

Me: *I answer*

Bouncer: “Eye colour?”

(I start to answer, but he interrupts.)

Bouncer: “Wait, no cheating!” *covers my eyes with his hand*

Me: “Wait, did you just cover MY eyes so I couldn’t see what colour they were?”

Bouncer: *completely serious* “Yes.”

Me: *speechless*

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Please Stop As-Sale-ing Our Troops

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Working | September 4, 2012

(My husband is graduating from military training. I’ve known some time in advance about the date of the graduation, but because of a sale that day where I work, I am not allowed to take the day off. I do leave several notes with management not to schedule me, but, sure enough, I am scheduled to work that day. I make one last-ditch effort to reschedule by talking to my manager.)

Manager: ‘Why didn’t you ask for this day off in advance?”

Me: “I tried, but I wasn’t allowed to because of the sale.”

Manager: “What do you need it off for again?”

Me: “My husband is graduating from his military training, and this is the only opportunity I’ve had or will have to see him in months. I’ve already made my travel arrangements, so you can either let me find someone to cover it now, or I have to call out that day and leave the shift uncovered.”

Manager: *sighs* “Can you get them to move it?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Manager: “Can you get them to move the graduation?”

Me: “You want me to call the Department of (military branch) and get them to move his graduation so it won’t conflict with a sale? I can’t do that. There’s about a thousand other people graduating that day. They won’t move the graduation for the sale.”

Manager: “You won’t know until you try!”

Me: *speechless*

Let’s Hope He’s Just Horsing Around

| USA | Working | September 4, 2012

(I’m looking for equipment for my horse, and although it’s unlikely I decide to try a local sporting goods store. Note: I’m female and the employee is male.)

Me: “Hey, is there any chance you have whips or riding crops?”

Employee: “Try an adult store.”

Me: “No, it’s for my horse.”

Employee: *smirks* “Yeah, try an adult store.”

Me: “I meant an actual horse, not a human. Anyway, guess you don’t have any. Thanks, though!”

Employee: “I know what you mean.” *winks* “Hey, if you ever need a new horse, try me.”

Me: “Um, no thanks.”

(I got out, quickly!)

This Happened To My Friend

| Working | September 4, 2012


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