(I’m a janitorial worker at a national park, meaning one of my jobs is to pick up litter around parking areas and walkways. I’m picking up trash near a parking area while a coworker is circling the wooden walkway, when under the lower branches of a pine tree I find one of those ziploc-type bags with a valve that allows them to be vacuum sealed. As I pick it up, I notice it’s full of a sizable amount — I’d guess at least a dozen, maybe more — of what are very obviously marijuana buds. At the time this story happened and as of the time of this writing, marijuana was not legal in Canada. As such, I bring it to my coworker because she is carrying the radio that I would need to report the discovery.)

Coworker: *on seeing the bag* “Wow. Are you going to smoke all of that?”

Me: *assuming she’s joking* “No, I was thinking I’d just throw it in the dumpster.”

Coworker: “Can I have it, then?”

Me: “I, um…”

Coworker: *takes bag* “Thanks! I was just thinking I was going to need to replenish my stock.”

(She puts the bag in her backpack and we drive back to the staff room for lunch break. Over the journey, I manage to convince her to report it to our supervisor. When we arrive at the staff room, most of the other staff are back, but the supervisor hasn’t returned yet. Coworker tells the other staff about the bag and shows it to them in the meantime.)

Coworker #2: “Can I have some?”

Coworker #1: “Nah, [My Name] convinced me to turn it in to [Supervisor].”

Coworker #3: *half-jokingly* “Not cool, dude.”

(Coworkers #2 and #3, as well as several others, try to convince Coworker #1 not to report the find, unsuccessfully. When our supervisor returns she turns the bag over to him.)

Supervisor: “So you just found this on the ground?”

Coworker #1: “Well, [My Name] did. He convinced me to report it.”

Supervisor: *to Coworker* “Do you want it? You could just keep it.”

Me: “What?”

Supervisor: “Just, you know, don’t tell anyone. We could all lose our jobs over this.” *to me* “That goes for you, too.”

Coworker: *happily* “Okay!” *skips off with illegal drugs*

(It was at this point I just gave up on trying to get people to report and turn in the drugs, although apparently Coworker #1 eventually did turn them in to some higher-up or other. I, however, didn’t learn about that fact until two or three months later, when we were all commended for it during the annual performance reviews.)

Me: “Hi, I would like one turkey and guacamole BLT without the turkey and guacamole, please.”

Employee #1 & Cashier: *gives me a confused look*

Me: *to Cashier* “Just a regular BLT. please.”

Employee #2: “Wait. You said you didn’t want the guacamole, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee #2: “Oh, man, that’s awesome!” *does a little victory dance*

Me: “Why?”

Employee #2: “The guacamole is the hardest part!”

(The rest of the transaction is normal.)

(I’m 15 and going on a cruise to the Bahamas with my 23- and 21-year-old sisters, as well as my parents. My sisters order wine one night at dinner, and our waitress comes back with three glasses instead of just two.)

Waitress: “Here you go.”

(She hands my sisters their drinks, and then proceeds to give me one.)

Me: “Sorry, I don’t think I ordered wine.”

Waitress: “Are you sure? I remembered all of the daughters ordered drinks.”

Me: “I’m 15.”

Waitress: “Oh, well, just keep it.” *winks* “No one has to know.”

Dad: “I know!”

(I am leaving work at the end of my shift and because of a family situation, won’t be seeing a coworker for a few days. We are both 20 years old and I am female. We are also both fans of Marvel films.)

Me: “Dude, let me hug you. I won’t see you for a while.”

Coworker: “Sure.”

(We go in for the hug.)

Me: *whispering in his ear* “Hail Hydra.”

(I then slowly walk backwards out the door doing the most exaggerated villain laugh I could, and we never spoke of it again.)

(I attend a very prestigious school — not Ivy League, though it outranked two of them — and walk over to the pharmacy kitty-corner from my dorm to buy some cigars. I am 19 then, and a Texas native. Under-21 licenses in Texas, which list “Under 21 until [DATE],” are rotated 90° compared with the 21+ licenses, to make age verification for alcohol purchases easier.)

Me: “Just a pack of [Cigars].”

Cashier: “Can I see your ID?”

Me: “Sure.” *hands it over*

Cashier: *raises an eyebrow* “This is out-of-state.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m from Texas.”

Cashier: *sighs, pulls out a book from beneath the counter with examples of IDs from each state*

Cashier: “Your ID is oriented the wrong way.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, they do that until age 21.”

Cashier: “I dunno; the book doesn’t mention that.”

Me: “The book probably only shows examples of 21+, for alcohol purchases. You can see mine says ‘Under 21 until [My 21st Birthday].’ But I’m just buying tobacco; I’m over 18.”

Cashier: “I’m gonna have to get my manager; I think this is a fake.”

Me: “Listen, ma’am. I attend [University], and I’ve been on the Dean’s List every semester. I’m a National Merit Scholar. I got a 2320 on my SATs, and graduated from my high school with a 91/100 GPA. It’s safe to say I’m a fairly smart guy. Do you honestly think I would be here, not only showing you a fake ID, but one that explicitly states that I’m not even 21?”

(I got the cigars.)