(For the past seven years I have worked in the same local ice cream shop, where I am now the assistant manager and am good friends with the manager. Today, it being the end of Fourth of July weekend, we have run out of many popular ice cream flavors and because of this have to bring some odd flavors up from our sub zero freezers downstairs. When we do this the ice creams need quite a while to thaw, as they are pretty much rock solid. Because some of these ice creams have to go right in to be scooped, the following exchange happens.)

Manager: “Jesus Christ, why is this ice cream so hard?!”

Me: “Well, you know, [Manager], life is hard.”

Manager: “Yeah, you know what, [My Name]? Lots of things are hard! Ice cream is hard. Cookies are hard. D***s are hard!”

(For a second we both just froze and then completely lost it. Two other employees had to finish the order we were working on because we were laughing too hard.)

(My husband and I want matching coffee table and end tables, but are having a difficult time deciding on which set to purchase. One of our “must haves” is that the tables would be easy to clean. Here’s why: We have two cats. I thought it was fairly common knowledge that shed cat hair tends to float around and land on every available surface. While looking at a complicated wooden table design with glass inlays and a high rim around the edge of the table, this takes place…)

Me: *to Husband* “I don’t know. Look at all the crevices and stuff that we’d have to get into to clean. And that rim on the edge. I feel like it’d be really difficult for me to dust and wipe down.”

Saleslady: *older, white-haired* “Oh, no, hon. You just get a cotton swab or a toothpick and just get right into those cracks. It’s easy!

Me: “Sure, but I don’t want to have to do that every other day when I’m dusting for cat hair.”

Saleslady: *looking appalled* “Cat hair?!”

Me: “Yes. We have two cats. They shed.”

Saleslady: “But… the cat hair gets on the coffee table!?”

Me: “Clearly, you have never owned a cat before.”

(The woman stared at us for several seconds before she made a disgusted noise, looked down her nose at me, and left. We went back to shopping for tables with a different salesperson.)

(It’s summer. My husband and I are planning a trip to the lake, so we run to this big box store to find some sun-block/sunscreen lotion. Strangely, after wandering around almost the entire store (excluding areas like the electronics department) and examining numerous endcaps and summer displays, we can’t find any. I finally flagged down an associate for help.)

Me: “Hi, excuse me. Can you tell us where the sun-block is?”

Employee: “Uh… would Nyquil be okay?”

This story is part of the Sunscreen roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

18 Sweat-Inducing Stories About Heatwaves And Those Who Can’t Handle Them (And A Few Who Can)

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(I’m in my early 20s and the youngest person in my office. One of my coworkers has a huge problem with that and looks for any reason to complain about me, even though he’s barely ten years older.)

Coworker: “You’re leaving early again?”

Me: “Sorry, doctor’s appointment. My part of the spreadsheet’s done though.”

Coworker: “Ugh, I keep having to do the closing duties myself because you keep leaving early. I told [Boss] we shouldn’t have hired someone so young. I wanted to leave early today.”

Me: “Uh… I don’t have the combination for the safe, so you’d be doing that yourself anyway. I keep leaving for a reason; I promise. I’ll be here tomorrow; you can leave early then if the boss says it’s okay.”

Coworker: “You know, if you don’t want to work, why did you even take this job? There are plenty of people who’d want it and would actually WORK the posted hours.”

(Irritated, I just leave and tell our boss about it the next day. He assures me he’ll speak to my coworker about it. Lo and behold, the next time I miss a day, he’s waiting for me when I sit down.)

Coworker: “Where were you yesterday?”

Me: “At the doctor.”

Coworker: “Again? You couldn’t schedule the appointment on your day off? I wanted yesterday off too, but I had to come in because you already requested it off. I keep having to work all these hours for you. I put in to leave early all next week so you can see how it feels.”

Me: “I really don’t care, but if it bothers you so much that I miss a few days, how are you going to react next month?”

Coworker: “What’s next month?”

Me: “I have surgery scheduled. I’ll be out for a month.”

Coworker: “WHAT?! That’s why you’ve been leaving early and going to the doctor so much? Why didn’t you say anything?!”

Me: “Because it’s not really anyone’s business? Only [Boss] needed to know.”

Coworker: “I thought you were just young and lazy! Going shopping on your day off or something, or meeting with your boyfriend!”

Me: “I am lazy, just not at work. And you know I’m married, so what boyfriend? If I get all my work done and the boss says it’s okay, what does it matter if I leave early every now and then? You leave early a lot too and I never ask where you’re going.”

Coworker: “Because I’m older and it’s none of your business! I’ve been here longer; I should be the one leaving early, not you! You probably don’t even need the surgery!”

(He threw a fit to the boss the month I was out, saying I was faking, and ripped up the card my office got me. He nearly got fired for that, so now he just glares at me. At least he doesn’t talk to me anymore!)

(Years ago, I was working for a big firm with the typical big office and manufacturing space. One day I lost my keys and checked with security to see if someone turned them in. No luck. I had to pay a locksmith to get in my car and make new keys. A year later, I stupidly did the same thing, but fortunately this time I had spare keys. However, I figured I should check with security.)

Me: “Hey, I lost my car keys. Have any keys been turned in?”

Guard: “Oh, yes, you’re in luck. Someone turned in some keys they found today. They might be yours.”

(The guard shows me the keys.)

Me: “Oh, my God! These are they keys I lost last year. Just turned in today?”

Guard: “Yup!”

(The newly lost keys never turned up. Ah, well, nothing like strange coincidence. Maybe someday I tell of lost keys when out in no-where with a hot chick who became my wife. :-))