Back Off If You Want Your Backups

| Dallas, Texas, USA | Working | July 5, 2012

(It’s the late 1990s, and I’m the lone IT guy for a small company. I support two branch offices with about six employees each. In addition to the standard IT duties, I also do nightly, weekly, and quarterly backups on tape. Because we are so small and can’t afford to pay for off-site data storage/disaster recovery, I also keep duplicates of the backup tapes off-site in a fire safe at my home. This happens one day after I’d been working there about two years.)

Boss: “We’re letting you go. We’ve decided that you know too much about how our computer systems work. If you ever got mad at us, you could crash our whole network. Also, I need you to go home and bring back the tape backups that you keep off-site.”

Me: *stunned* “Um. Okay.”

(I drive home, get the backup tapes, bring them back, and hand them to my boss.)

Me: “You know, anyone who knows enough to keep the computers running is also going to know enough to bring them down. And, if I were really the vindictive type who would crash the network if I got mad at you, I never would have returned these backup tapes.”

Boss: “Hmmm…you’re right. Go sit in your office. Let me think for a bit.”

(I go sit in my office. About 30 minutes later, he comes back.)

Boss: “Okay, never mind. You’re not fired. But you are on probation for six months!”

(I got a new job as quickly as possible!)

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How To NOT Describe A Customer

| Working | July 5, 2012

And On The Seventh Day, He Rescheduled

| Tullahoma, TN, USA | Working | July 4, 2012

(I work at a popular chain restaurant as a chef. I overhear this conversation between waiters whilst cooking.)

Waiter #1: “Man, I really don’t want to work next weekend. Sunday’s my birthday, but it’s too late to ask for time off.”

Waiter #2: “Just tell him that working on Sunday is against your religion.”

Waiter #1: “Yeah, but I’m atheist. He’d never buy it.”

(My boss just happens to be standing behind them, having just come out of the office.)

Boss: “What’s this about religion?”

Waiter #2: “He can’t work this Sunday. He has to go to church.”

Boss: *rubs his face* “I know it’s your birthday. I saw your employee sheet. Take off…I’ll have someone cover for you.”

Waiter #1: “Praise Jesus!”

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The American Devolution

| USA | Working | July 4, 2012

(I am calling my bank to let them know that I’ll be traveling abroad so they don’t shut down my card for suspected fraud.)

Employee: “…and where will you be going abroad?”

Me: “I’m going to London.”

Employee: “Oh, London. That’s cool. London is in Paris, right?”

Me: “Uh…no. London is in the UK.”

Employee: “What’s the UK?”

Not Seeing Eye To Eye

| USA | Working | July 4, 2012

(I am a customer at a bank. I am accompanying a friend who happens to be blind. He does not wear dark glasses, so his blindness is apparent to anyone who can see his face. After making a deposit, my friend asks for his balance, and the teller requests his driver’s license as proof of identity. My friend hands her his state-issued ID card.)

Teller: “I am sorry, sir. This ID is not acceptable. I need to see your driver’s license.”

My Friend: “I do not have a driver’s license. This is my state ID.”

Teller: “I have to see your driver’s license to verify your identity before I can tell you the balance on this account.”

My Friend: “Miss, I do not have a driver’s license. I cannot drive. This card is equivalent to a driver’s license for identification purposes.”

Teller: “Everybody over 16 can drive, sir. If you do not have your driver’s license, I cannot give you the balance.”

My Friend: “Look at me, miss. I am blind. Do you REALLY think I should be able to drive?”

Teller: “Why not?!”

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