Land Of The Free, Home Of The Misbehaved

| Portland, OR, USA | Working | May 9, 2012

(We receive a free newspaper from a local company every few days. My significant other and I are often out of the house from dawn to close to midnight during the week, though, and we get complaints from our landlady about leaving the papers on the stoop all day. We’ve been trying to have them stop sending them to us. This is our first phone conversation.)

Me: “Hi. I’d like to cancel the paper service to our address, please.”

Employee: “What’s your address?”

Me: *gives out address*

Employee: “It looks like you’re receiving the free service.”

Me: “Yes, but we don’t read the paper. It also clutters our stoop so our landlord gets mad.”

Employee: “But it’s free…”

Me: “Right, and that’s great for a lot of people, but we’d like to stop receiving them, please.”

Employee: “Fine!” *hangs up*

(We then started receiving three papers a day.)

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Dawn Ultra-Dumb

| New Port Richey, FL, USA | Working | May 9, 2012

(One of our employees is complaining that her laptop is going really slow, so I’ve been told to take a look at it.)

Me: “Well, here’s the problem. Your computer has a 200GB hard drive and you’re using 193GB of space. Copy your old personal files to DVD and clean out your personal files. It should run better then.”

Employee: “Oh, okay! I’ll go home and do that tonight!”

(The next day, the employee complains that their computer won’t turn on. I go down to take a look at it.)

Me: “Hmm, it’s trying to boot but won’t. Did you delete anything from your Windows folder or mess with any of the settings before Windows starts?”

(Note: technically, she shouldn’t have been able to change Windows settings I removed her permissions access, and she shouldn’t have known how to mess with BIOS.)

Employee: “I don’t know! I did what you told me. I cleaned out my files!”

Me: “Okay, but did you remove anything that I should know about?”

Employee: “I don’t think so. The machine did most of the work!”

Me: “You mean you ran the Windows Disk Cleanup?”

Employee: “No, the machine! The dishwasher!”

Me: *confused* “Dishwasher? You mean you had a friend do it?”

(Silly me…I assumed she meant a restaurant dishwasher—somebody
who works at a restaurant somewhere cleaning dishes but is also a tech-savvy friend.)

Employee: “No! The dishwasher! You told me to clean out my files, so I did! I think the keyboard shrank a little in the hot water cycle, though. Should I have used cold water only?”

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Group Projects Are…

| Working | May 9, 2012

Some Things Can Weight To Be Said

| Toledo, OH, USA | Working | May 8, 2012

(I work at a large factory and am spread across all three shifts. Sometimes, I don’t make it to certain areas for weeks. I’m also a newlywed of one year, and am the same size as when I got married. One day. I run into an older female employee.)

Employee: “Wow! Haven’t seen you in a while!”

Me: “Yes, sorry. It’s been crazy around here.”

Employee: “So, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Employee: “Are you expecting?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m not.”

Employee: “Oh! Well, marriage looks good on you then.”

Me: “Um, thanks?”

Employee: “Don’t worry, dear. I gained 40 pounds after I got married!”

Me: *speechless*

Employee: “There’s no shame in letting yourself go a little.” *winks*

Me: *speechless*

Corporate Cat

| Working | May 8, 2012

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