(For an number of years, we have been using the same service from a well-known cable company for TV and Internet. A new provider comes into town and offers a package of the same content at a significant discount. I call the cable company we are using to see what they will do. I ask to talk to the customer retention department.)

Me: “So [Competing Company] has just come into my neighborhood and is offering me a $99 package on a two-year price guarantee. It has pretty much the same features as what I’m paying $140 or so from you. I’m wondering if you’ll price match.”

Rep on Phone: “Well, we can offer you a discount. Let me look.” *a few seconds go by* “It looks like we can get your price down to $119.”

Me: “Well, $119 is still $20 more than the other company. You can’t price match?”

Rep on Phone: “No, that’s as far down as I am allowed to go. In order to get that price though, you’d need to sign a new two-year contract.”

Me: “I’m not doing that, thank you.”

(I get the new service in at $99 and am very happy with it and bring my old equipment into the store of the old company to return it.)

Rep At Store: “It looks like you signed on to a new two-year agreement to get your price lowered, so if you return your equipment and cancel your service you’ll need to pay a termination fee.”

Me: “No, I didn’t. I told them specifically I wouldn’t agree to their plan. It was still higher than the other company.”

Rep At Store: “Hmm, how much are you paying now?”

Me: “$99.”

Rep At Store: “Hmm, we could have price matched that. Did you call the customer retention department?”

Me: “Yep, that’s who told me they couldn’t get the price down that far.”

Rep At Store: “That’s odd. Well, if you want, I can lower your price to $99 now and you can keep your equipment.”

Me: “No, thanks. I already signed a two-year agreement with the other company and did the install. I just need to return all of this.”

Rep At Store: “But I can price match.”

Me: “But it’s too late!”

(I left there having canceled my service without paying a termination fee. Two days later I get a call. I think I recognize the voice but I’m not sure.)

Rep on Phone: “Hi there. I’m calling from [Old Company] and I see you recently canceled your service. I’m from the customer retention department and I want to see if we can keep you as a valued customer.”

Me: “I already have new service. I called before switching and the person said they couldn’t lower the price enough to match. So I switched.”

Rep on Phone: “That is odd, because we do price matching. Let me see the account. Hmmm, it looks like you talked to…” *pause* “…me.”

Me: “Then you were the one who told me they couldn’t do it.”

Rep on Phone: “Well, I didn’t think you’d actually leave. So can I interest you in coming back?”

Me: “No, thank you, and please don’t call again.”

(I still have the new company’s service and have been very happy with it. The old company has never called me again, but they send me junk mail all the time trying to get my business back.)

(On behalf of the company I work for, I call an office furniture company.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company]. Can you quote me some prices on drafting tables?”

Receptionist: “One moment while I transfer you to that department…”

On Hold Message: “You have been put on hold. Being on hold is a lot like trout fishing, in that it allows you to do absolutely nothing with a clear conscience. Enjoy!”

(Followed by soft jazz…)

(The department I work for has a set Monday through Friday routine but the hours are decided at the last minute. I absolutely love the company and am a temp when the following occurs. Mind you, it is exceptionally difficult to get hired into this company and they go through at least a dozen temps a week.)

Me: *walking up to the boss* “Um, so I finished [Job One] and it’s all ready to be sent out. What did you want me to do next? I know [Job Two] really needs to be done so you want me to get on that or…?”

Boss: *picking up his personal belongings* “You do whatever the f*** you feel like. I’m done with this s*** today.”

Me: *shocked* “Um… what? Really?”

Boss: “Yep! I’m f***in’ done! Bye!”

(And with that he walks off leaving me standing there with my mouth agape. Unsure of what to do or if he’s kidding or not, I grab Job Two, pull it to a secluded station, put my headphones in, and set to work. No one bothers me the entire day and at the end I feel as if I accomplished a lot. I go home and return the following morning to find the boss in a foul mood and muttering fiercely to himself. At one point I hear him mutter something about “and gotta get all the s*** for Job Two done,” at which point I interrupt him.)

Me: *cheerfully* “Oh, hey, there isn’t much left to do with [Job Two]. I got most of it done yesterday! Didn’t put any in cartons because I wasn’t sure where they were kept but—”

Boss: *interrupting me* “Bull-s***! Do you know how much needs to be done on that job?!” *viciously* “There is no way you got that much done in one f***in’ day!”

(He starts yanking apart the carts where the work was being kept only to become incensed when he discovers ALL of it has been moved.)

Boss: *rounding on me with a look of pure fury* “WHERE IS IT?! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?!”

(I am rather terrified at this point but start backing up towards the secluded station.)

Me: *nervously* “I, uh… wasn’t sure what to do yesterday and, uh, I know this job was a pretty big priority so I–” *reaching the carts I’d used the day before I start pulling them apart so he has a direct view of their contents* “–just wrapped almost all of them yesterday. It wasn’t that hard and I only have about fifty or so left.”

Boss: *still furious* “You did this? You?!”

Me: *even more nervously* “Um, yeah. I… didn’t, um, know what else to do so… yeah.”

Boss: *suddenly looking directly at me* “You came in at seven yesterday. I know you did! What time did you leave?”

Me: *feeling like I’m about to be fired* “Um, well, the schedule has been a little crazy lately… I came in at seven and we’ve been leaving at five all week, so I thought that would be a safe time to get off. And, uh, lunch has been a bit erratic too but… the day before yesterday I got to have an hour which was kinda nice so… I took an hour yesterday. And breaks have been pretty much the same, so I took both of them. And, um, yeah. Wasn’t too sure what else I was supposed to do.”

(The boss looks at me for a long moment then suddenly whirls around and practically sprints up to his desk where my coworker has collected all of our times for the previous day. The boss demands to see mine then quickly demands to know who else worked on the job with me to which my coworkers responds that no one else has recorded time for that job. My boss stares intently at my times then takes off for another part of the building. It is unclear whether or not I am supposed to follow him so I simply stand there and wait. A few moments later he returns pulling a pallet full of Job Three. He gives me a look that clearly means I am to follow him so I do. He wordlessly drags the product to the secluded station, throws the instructions onto the pallet, then storms off. At this point I don’t think I’m being fired so I’ve calmed down quite a bit. I pick up the instructions and quickly realize that Job Two and Job Three are nearly identical in their instructions. I take my time to ensure I have all my materials before starting. I can also tell the boss is intently watching me at first but I pointedly ignore him, return to my station, and quickly find my rhythm for the job. Half an hour into our shift, Coworker #1 shows up late, as usual. Two hours into my shift my boss comes storming back into my area, furious again.)

Boss: *yelling* “Just f***ing forget it! I need you to do–”

(He stops short and looks in open astonishment between the pallet of unfinished work and the pallet of finished work.)

Boss: *pointing at the unfinished pallet in shock* “Is that all you have left?!”

Me: *calmy* “Unless there’s more I don’t know about, yes. I have three more cartons to go out of the twenty needed and it is due today. Should take me about half an hour or so to finish it all up. Why? Did you need something?”

Boss: *looking flabbergasted* “You’re almost done! How?!”

(I really don’t know how to respond to this because I am not working at break-neck speed. I am working at a comfortable pace for me while still occasionally taking time to go to the bathroom and, on one occasion, walking to the break-room to grab a treat which is, from what I’ve observed, actions that others do without being punished or reprimanded. So I just look at him with my best clueless expression and shrug. In response he quickly grabs several of the completed cartons and starts cutting them open. Inside are the carefully wrapped packages and he rifles through several boxes looking more and more amazed. I am not too perturbed at his actions because he is not damaging or mixing up the product and it will only take a second to tape the carton up again. After several cartons of this he turns and looks at me with a shocked expression.)

Boss: “You did it! But how?! It takes [Coworker #1] three days to do this exact same work!” *looks again at the open boxes then back at me* “I can’t believe you did it! Uh, just finish up here and… come see me when you’re done so I can show you how to do [Job Four].”

(From then on my boss pretty much left me alone. He’d give me work then just let me complete it at my own speed and I was the only temp allowed to work overtime all by myself which was a little exciting. Of course, it didn’t take long for me to get hired!)

(I work in the Grocery department and my coworker works in the Produce department.)

Me: “Hey, if anything for Grocery comes in and you sign for it will you let someone in Grocery know about it?”

Coworker: “Yeah, sure. Why?”

Me: “Because… sometimes… when we get a delivery… we need it…”

(There is a bug going around town that most of us in the office have either caught or are coming down with. Several employees are out, and the rest of us either have just gotten over it, are feeling like we’re coming down with it, or have had family members who have had it. My department has three of us: myself, Coworker #1, and Coworker #2. I work early morning until three, Coworker #1 from late morning to six, and Coworker #3 (our part-time person) from midday to six. Coworker #1 and I are both feeling unwell, but since it’s the slowest day of the week, we’re both thinking we might leave early — provided Coworker #2 is feeling well and can cover the phones when we leave. Coworker #2 arrives, extremely chipper and bubbly. Everyone who has the bug is very sluggish, and you can tell, but she has no signs of feeling sick at all.)

Coworker #2: “Hi, everyone! How’s it going?”

(Cue series of not-so-energetic responses from us.)

Coworker #2: “Oh, dear, you don’t seem like you’re having a good day!”

(She proceeds to continue on about how great her morning has been. About an hour later, Coworker #1 returns from lunch.)

Coworker #1: “You know, I’m still feeling bad… I may have to go home. [Coworker #2], you might have to cover this evening by yourself. I’m sorry!”

Coworker #2: “Oh? Wait, you’re leaving?”

Coworker #1: “Maybe. Going to see how I feel but I might.”

Coworker #2: *visibly deflates* “You’ll leave me by myself?”

Coworker #1: “I don’t want to, but if I need to, yeah. I’m just feeling really bad.”

Coworker #2: “Oh… [My Name], you’ll be here though, right?”

Me: “No, I get off at three like usual. Plus, I’m also feeling kind of sick so I’ll probably head out a little early if we’re not busy.”

Coworker #2: “Oh… you know, I don’t feel very good either… I’m going on break, though. See you in an hour! Bye!” *dashes off*

(An hour later, I get a text from Coworker #2.)

Coworker #2: “Hey, I’m sick. Can’t come back in today.”

(As our manager is out sick himself, I show it to Coworker #1, who frowns.)

Coworker #1: “She was fine until she heard I might leave early!”

Me: “Do I need to call her on it? I mean, I’m not the manager, but he’s out sick, too…”

Coworker #1: “Nah, I think I’m good. I’ll just hope we’re slow! And if I really have to go, I’ll call [Manager]. Maybe we can close up early.”

(I end up staying a little later than three to make sure Coworker #1 was okay, and she stayed until her normal shift ended. Thankfully, we were both feeling better the next day — and hopefully that situation won’t occur again, because even though I feel bad to say it, I’m not sure I trust Coworker #2 to come through for us if it does!)