(My husband’s grandmother has sent me a birthday card with cash in it and I’d like to call and thank her. However, I’ve got a new phone with no contacts in it, my husband is busy at work, and we don’t really talk to any of his relatives, so I decide to call the retirement home to see if they’ll help connect me or pass along a message. They connected me the previous year with no hassle. I explain my problem and ask if they can connect me, or give me her number, or pass along a message).

Receptionist #1: “I don’t know. I’ll put you through to [Receptionist #2].”

Me: *explains again*

Receptionist #2: “She’s not in my department. I’ll connect you with [Manager #1].”

Me: *explains again*

Manager #1: “I don’t know. I’ll put you through to [Manager #2].”

Me: *explains again*

Manager #2: “It’s illegal to give out someone’s number.”

Me: “Oh. Last year they did. Can you connect me directly?”

Manager #2: “No, they didn’t. You’re lying. I can’t connect. That’s illegal.”

Me: “Oookay, well, they did give me her number last year and then proceeded to connect me.”

Manager #2: “Stop lying.”

Me: “Woah, there’s no need to be rude. It happened. Legal, or otherwise, it happened. Can you leave her a message?”

Manager #2: “I’m not being rude. You’re lying. We can’t transfer calls on our phones. No i won’t leave her a message. She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Me: “You can’t transfer any calls?”

Manager #2: “No. It’s a single line.”

Me: “At all.”

Manager #2: “No. And it’s illegal and you’re lying.”

Me: “Okay, now you’re being rude and ridiculous. I was transferred three times today before speaking to you. And I was helped immediately last year. And, even if they weren’t supposed to do it, it still happened. Shouting at me that I’m lying doesn’t make it so.”

(She started to speak, but I hung up. I later got the phone number from my husband and called to thank his grandmother for the card.)

Husband’s Grandmother: “Why didn’t you just call reception, they could have transferred you!”

(I’m relatively poor, living check-to-check on minimum wage, so I tend to frequent dollar and discount stores for many of my basic needs. I’m currently in a dollar store near my apartment. I pick up a few items I think I’ll need, but after wandering around for 15 minutes, decide to put some of them back. Suddenly, a worker approaches me as I’m putting back the some of the items.)

Worker: “I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Are you guys closing or something?”

Worker: “No. It’s not that. We just don’t want you here.”

Me: *taken aback* “What?”

Worker: “I saw you at [Other Dollar Store]. I know you work there!”

(I do not work there.)

Me: “I don’t work there. And even if I did, what’s the problem?”

Worker: “We don’t appreciate corporate espionage here, sir!”

(This is so ridiculous and unexpected a response, I actually burst out laughing.)

Me: *between laughs* “What?”

Worker: *firm* “I know you work at [Other Dollar Store]! I saw you there. I bet they sent you over to check out our prices or something. They always steal all of our business!”

Me: “Dude… it’s a dollar store. Do they really need to send someone over to spy on you in order to figure out how much most of your stuff costs?”

Worker: “I know you work for them!”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

(The conversation continues for about another minute, with him repeatedly accusing me of “corporate espionage” and me dismissing these ludicrous claims. Finally, he seems to relent…)

Worker: “Fine. Whatever. But I know you work at [Other Dollar Store].”

Me: *laughing* “Okay, buddy.”

(I go to the cashier to ring up the things I am buying.)

Me: “Uhh… You don’t really think I’m committing corporate espionage, do you?”

Cashier: *confused* “What?”

(I explained the situation to the cashier, who was completely dumbfounded by her coworker’s claims. I also noted that in order for him to have supposedly recognized me from the other dollar store, which admittedly I do shop at occasionally, he would have had to have been in there a lot himself… I returned to the store repeatedly several times in the following weeks and so far as I can tell, the worker who confronted me was no longer there.)

(I stop at a popular local convenience store to pick up some things, including a pack of cigarettes for my boyfriend. I have a $1.50 coupon for them. I also purchase two drinks that are on sale, 2 for $3. The cashier rings everything up, and I see the deduction come up for the drink sale. When she goes to scan the cigarette coupon, she accidentally scans the pack of cigarettes again. I realize she thinks she just rang up the coupon when she tosses it in the register and tells me my total.)

Me: “You rang the cigarettes up twice.”

(The cashier stares blankly at the screen, then begins to stress and grumble about how she needs to get a manager to void the extra pack. There is a line, so, trying to be nice, I tell her to just give me another pack of cigarettes that she charged me for and I will buy them both. She does so.)

Cashier: “Your total is…”

Me: “The coupon did not scan.”

Cashier: “Yes, it did.” *refers to the deduction for the drinks that were on sale*

Me: “No, that was for the drinks. The coupon was for $1.50, it’s not there. Can’t you scan it again?”

Cashier: *stares blankly at the screen*

Me: “Scan it, or it give it back it to me and I’ll use it another time.”

Cashier: *still acting confused*

(Finally she rang me out, threw the coupon back at me, and grumbled about agreeing to work that day. I didn’t understand the issue. It was clearly listed that it never rang up, all she had to do was scan it. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized she stamped the coupon with “PAID” so I couldn’t use it again.)

(Telemarketers seem to be running rampant and keep calling me at ridiculous hours. My parents tell me to hang up the phone immediately. I get a phone call at 7:30 am, and luckily I am up for school.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “I’m looking for [Name].”

Me: “Sorry, there is no [Name] here.”

Caller: “No [Name]?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry. Good luck!”

(I hung up and didn’t think much of it, until around lunch when I saw I had a voicemail. It was a job offer that I had been waiting to hear back from. They said in the message that they accidentally misread my name, but still wanted me. I am so glad I was polite!)

(I’ve dropped by work while on maternity to talk about coming back on a part-time basis. I catch up with my manager first, and we have been talking about my son for nearly half an hour.)

Me: “He’s been a bit grouchy lately. My doctor thinks the formula I’m using might be upsetting his stomach.”

Manager: “You should just castrate him. That usually does the trick.”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Oh, I’d love to, but I don’t think childhood castration is legal.”

Manager: “Oh, I thought you were talking about your dog.”

(I don’t have a dog, and the conversation up to that point had been exclusively about my son…)