There’s No Smoke Without Hires

| Australia | Working | August 16, 2012

(Our store is doing re-branding because our new logo is being rolled out. So, a group of supervisors has been asked to come in to help clean everything and make it look perfect. Note that my manager is not the nicest of people, and has cigarette breaks every half hour.)

Manager: *to me* “Oi, you! I need you to show [coworker] how to deep clean under the registers.”

Me: “Sure, do you want us to start at the far end and work our way up to the smoke counter?”

Manager: “No. I told you to deep clean the registers with [coworker].”

Coworker: “We are going to do that, but what end do you want us to start at?”

Manager: “I told you I don’t want you starting at an end. I just want both of you to clean the d*** registers while I go out for a d*** cigarette!”

Me: “Okay, then. If you just tell me where the vacuum and cleaning supplies are, we will get started straight away.”

Manager: “There is no vacuum and no cleaning supplies. Just go do your d*** job!”

(My coworker and I look at each other in disbelief.)

Me: “You mean to tell us that you called us in here overnight, to do a job that isn’t our actual job, and you aren’t supplying us with what we need to do what you want us to do?”

Manager: “Yes! Just do what I told you to do before I suspend you both!”

Latte Profiling

| Working | August 16, 2012

I Kissed A Girl And I (Don’t Care If You) Liked It

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Working | August 16, 2012

(I’ve been working at this store for three years. All the staff knows I’m gay and has met my girlfriend several times when she’s come to pick me up after work. The new coworker has been around for a week but is completely clueless in many many ways. He walks up to me while I’m restocking candy.)

New Coworker: *in his best suave jock voice* “So, I saw on the schedule that you and I both get off work at the same time today. How about we grab a movie and hang out at my place tonight?”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Oh, yeah, I’m sure my girlfriend would just love that.”

New Coworker: “Ha! Good one! But no really, we should totally go to my place and make out. It’ll be hot.”

Me: “Ha! Good one!”

(I still think he’s joking, but hold up my wrist wearing my rainbow-colored “I don’t even think straight” wristband just in case.)

Me: “But no, really, my girlfriend would turn you inside out. She teaches at the [martial arts gym] down the street.”

New Coworker: “Holy s***! You’re gay?! Since when?”

(This whole time, my manager has been at the register two feet away. He’s trying not to laugh.)

Manager: “She’s been gay since forever, dude. Didn’t you see when her girlfriend came to pick her up yesterday and kissed her hello?”

New Coworker: “Yeah, but I thought they were just making out to look hot for all the guys! Girls do that all the time!”

Me: “Please tell me you’re not serious.”

New Coworker: “Duh! Everyone knows that. It’s only gay if it’s two guys. Girls are supposed to kiss when there are guys around, because it’s hot and girls HAVE to act hot for guys!”

Me: *utterly shocked*

Manager: “Wow… that’s just a little misogynistic. I think you need to get back to work and not bring the topic up ever again, or you’re fired.”

(Not surprisingly, my new coworker gets fired AND arrested a few days later for propositioning on one of our regulars. Our regular is not only very pretty, but is also only 15 and her father is a cop!)

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Ooooh Girl!

| Working | August 15, 2012

Sweep Away Your Own Stereotypes

| Springfield, MO, USA | Working | August 15, 2012

(This occurs while I am looking for a miniature toy broom for my daughter. She loves to help out around the house and thinks it is fun. She is two, and I think it is a great idea to encourage this behavior.)

Me: “Do you sell toy brooms here?”

Employee: “No, we do not. This store enforces playing against gender stereotypes.”

Me: “…What?”

Employee: “Those toy brooms and mops are sickening! It just enforces that little girls are only fit for cleaning and girly things.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight: you don’t sell the brooms due to gender stereotypes?”

Employee: “That is correct.”

Me: “I see a problem with that logic.”

Employee: *smugly* “I don’t see how, ma’am.”

Me: *gestures around us* “How about the nice selection of pink & pretty princess accessories, make-up, and glamour dress-up clothes you got here? Shall we talk more about stereotypes?”

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