Let’s Hope They Have A Higher Calling

| CA, USA | Working | December 9, 2012

Caller: “Hi, is this [my name]?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Caller: “I’m calling regarding your bill for [service performed 8 months ago].”

Me: “Fantastic. I need you to call my mother about that. We’ve contacted you a number of times to dispute the charges, and each time I talked to your representative about changing both the address and phone number on my file to hers. I’ve authorized her at least half a dozen times to answer all billing and service related questions.”

Caller: “Ma’am, we’re not authorized. You have to be the one—”

Me: “I just explained to you that you ARE authorized to call her.”

Caller: “Oh, right. I see her on your account. Is she [her name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Well, in that case, you’re going to have to have her call us. As she is not authorized on the account, I cannot copy her phone number into your file.”

Me: “Why can’t I give you her phone number right now so that you can call her? I assure you she’s authorized. I understand that your department loses every piece of paper we’ve sent you in regards to this account, but I’m telling you right now, over the phone, that you CAN call her and that she CAN answer your questions. She’s also made it clear that she will not call you again, as her calls never accomplish anything and messages are never unreturned.”

Caller: “Okay. Well, ma’am, that’s all fine, so please just have her call us.”

Me: “Why can’t you call her?”

Caller: “Oh, well, we’re a call center and we don’t make calls.”

Me: “…Did you not just call me?!”

Caller: “Well, yeah. But only to settle a billing dispute.”

Me: “AND THAT IS WHY I’M REFERRING YOU TO HER.”

Caller: “Well, we’re probably not going to call her. But we need our money. Goodbye.”

This Restaurant’s Not The Cream Of The Crop

| NY, USA | Working | December 9, 2012

(I am ordering a soup with cream, but ask for it to be only water instead.)

Me: “Can you skip the cream and use just plain water?”

Waitress: “Are you allergic to milk?”

Me: “No, I’m vegan.”

Waitress: “Okay.”

(I get my soup and see it’s slightly creamy.)

Me: “Um, I asked for no cream.”

Waitress: “Yeah, the chef forgot and started putting in cream. Since you’re not allergic, I don’t think that little bit would matter anyway.”

Me: “Err, could you please remake this?”

Waitress: *angrily* “Well, fine! What the h*** is your problem?! It’s only a little bit of cream and you’re not allergic. Why are you so d*** picky?”

What’s (Not) In A Name

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Working | December 8, 2012

(My family physician tells me that I need to get some blood work done. So, I go to the medical lab nearby to get this arranged.)

Me: “Hi, Dr. [name] told me I needed to get some blood work done here. Could I possibly make an appointment?”

Receptionist: “No, we don’t take appointments.”

Me: “I see. So does that mean it can be done right now?”

Receptionist: “No, unfortunately we can’t fit you in today. However, I do have a slot open for 11:15 AM on Saturday.”

Me: “Oh, so you *do* take appointments.”

Receptionist: “It’s not an appointment. This just happens to be the earliest possible date and time we can fill you in on.”

Me: “Okay, I can live with that. 11:15 on Saturday will work just fine.”

Receptionist: “All right, I just penciled you in. See you on Saturday!”

(I got my ‘not-appointment’ and left the lab satisfied. I then showed up to my not-appointment the following Saturday and got my blood work done without a hitch. Thanks to the not-appointment I arranged, of course!)

I’d Be Unhappy To Help You Here

| Grand Junction, CO, USA | Working | December 8, 2012

(I have received in-store coupons for their brand of bacon, but didn’t know if I could use it for the nicer cuts.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you help me?”

Employee: *annoyed* “I don’t normally work out here, but go ahead.”

Me: “Oh, well I have this coupon here that—”

Employee: “Well, I CAN READ!” *snatches coupon from my hand* “Uh, yeah, of course. You can use it on that.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Employee: *rolls eyes and walks away without another word*

Vigilance Is Our Salvation

| Tampa, FL, USA | Working | December 7, 2012

(I’m going early in the morning to my usual grocery store. Despite the fact that Halloween hasn’t passed yet, there are two Salvation Army people in the parking lot.)

Salvation Army Lady: “Spare some change?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any.”

Salvation Army Man: “Sweetie, you’re going into a STORE.”

Me: “…With a credit card. Bye, maybe I’ll have some next time!”

(I go about my shopping and get what I need. I’m talking to the cashier and a nice bagger who has Down Syndrome.)

Cashier: “Will that be all?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m good. Wow, the Christmas donation-takers get earlier every year.”

Bagger: “…What do you mean?”

Me: “The Salvation Army guys in the parking lot.”

(The bagger and cashier both frown.)

Bagger: “[Manager]! It’s… it’s urgent! She said!” *points at me*

Cashier: *to me* “Stay put. We don’t have the Salvation Army come around until after the first weekend of November!”

(The two in the parking lot ended up being scammers. A couple of employees and customers managed to get to them and stop them from leaving before the police showed up. I got a ten dollar off card for reporting it!)

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