She Looked So Cute In Her Motherboard & Castle

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Working | June 15, 2012

(I’m making small talk with the hygienist before he starts cleaning my teeth.)

Me: “So what did you do for Memorial Day?”

Hygienist: “Oh, my daughter graduated preschool posthumously. It was really fun.”

Me: *horrified* “What?! I think you mean a different word. ‘Posthumously’ means ‘after death’.”

Hygienist: “Oh! Yeah, nobody died.”

Me: “Thank God! I was about to start consoling you!”

Them Otha Brothas Can’t Deny

| Working | June 15, 2012

An Accident Fating To Happen

| UK | Working | June 15, 2012

(I work in a research facility in the middle of nowhere, so I need my car to get to work. One night on the way home in bad weather, my car skids and hits a tree. After calling the police and my fiancé, I call my boss.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [name] from unit 8. I just wanted to call and say I won’t be in tomorrow. I’ve just had a car accident.”

Boss: “Oh my gosh, are you okay?”

Me: “I’m okay, but I think my car’s a write-off. I won’t be in until my insurance sorts a replacement.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll let everyone know.”

Me: “I can’t really afford to take any unpaid leave right now. Would it be okay if tomorrow was classed as annual holiday? I’ve got some time saved up.”

Boss: “No problem.”

(I get a courtesy sorted the next day and only took one day off. A week later, though…)

Me: “Hi. I just got my payslip for last week and it’s a day short. Could you check that for me?”

Boss: *checks payslip* “Okay, I see it was for the day you had off after your car accident.”

Me: “But I thought we’d agreed that would be annual leave? Shouldn’t I have holiday pay for it?”

Boss: “We did. But you didn’t fill out a holiday form before you took the day off. I should have had the form a week before you had the accident!”

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Your Intelligence Is Up In The Air

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Working | June 15, 2012

(Our designated smoking area is at the back of our building. Except for the wintertime, we get a lot of birds that hang around the parking lot picking up crumbs, and even more that just sit on top of the lampposts and sing every so often.)

New Hire #1: *freaks out at the sound of a rather loud birdsong*

New Hire #2: “Dude, it’s just a bird.”

New Hire #1: “Yeah, I know that, but birds aren’t natural!”

(I turn to look at him as soon as I hear that.)

Me: “Wait, ‘birds aren’t natural’?”

New Hire #1: “Yeah, they’re not natural! If God had wanted birds to fly, he would’ve given them wings or something!”

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Are You Being Served?

| Working | June 15, 2012

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