Too Bad You Can’t Ctrl-X Coworkers

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Working | May 3, 2012

Coworker: “How do I print from this program?”

Me: “Ctrl-P.”

Coworker: “What? I do what?”

Me: “Press Ctrl-P.”

Coworker: “Where is that?”

Me: “Look at the bottom left hand corner of your keyboard. Press Ctrl. Then press P.”

Coworker: “I’m looking. I can’t see a Ctrl-P button.”

Me: “No. It’s two buttons. Ctrl and P.”

Coworker: “Where’s P?!”

Ah, Government

| San Bernardino, CA, USA | Working | May 2, 2012

(Ten years after moving halfway across the United States, I still receive voter literature from California, but addressed to my Missouri home. I thought I would try, once again, to remove my name from California’s voter registry, so I call the San Bernardino county registrar office.)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling to remove my name from San Bernardino County’s voter registration list…again.”

Employee: “Why?”

Me: “Because I moved nearly 10 years ago.”

Employee: “May I have your contact information?”

(I give my former address and my Missouri address that is receiving the literature.)

Employee: “Hold, please.”

(After a few minutes, she gets back on the phone.)

Employee: “Your new address is not in county records.”

Me: “It must be. You send me voter literature.”

Employee: “Why?”

Me: “That is the question, isn’t it? Can you please remove me from your voter rolls?”

Employee: “Please hold.”

(Once again, she puts me on hold for a few minutes.)

Employee: “Ma’am, your current address is not in our records.”

Me: “Correct. It is in Missouri. That is why I do not want to receive voter literature from your county.”

Employee: “Why? You should vote.”

Me: “I do, in Missouri.”

Employee: “Can you come in and sign the papers?”

Me: “No. I do not live in California anymore.”

Employee: “Why?”

Me: “Because I moved my family to Missouri.”

Employee: “Why?

(As I mentally review approximately 119,312 answers I can give her, she speaks again.)

Employee: “Well, wait a minute.”

(After a brief wait, she returns.)

Employee: “I am unable to locate your new address in the San Bernardino County records. Are you sure it is in San Bernardino?”

Me: *frustrated* “No! It is in M-I-S-S-O-U-R-I. Osage County, Missouri.”

Employee: “Where do you live then?”

Me: *sighs* “Missouri.”

Employee: “Is that in San Bernardino County?”

Me: “No. It is in Missouri. Osage County, Missouri.”

Employee: “Is that in California?”

Me: “No. It is in Missouri. Although there is a California, Missouri…”

Employee: “Huh?”

Me: “Never mind. I do not live in San Bernardino anymore. I do not have a San Bernardino address.”

Employee: “Well, why did you call me then?”

Me: *face palm*

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Meat-Headed Questions

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | May 2, 2012

(I work in the campus pub of my university. Staff get meals for a huge discount during their shift. Part of our menu is a signature burger. We also have a vegetarian burger. This conversation occurs as a coworker is trying to figure out what to have for their staff meal.)

Coworker #1: “Have you tried the veggie burger here?”

Me and Coworker #2: *shake heads*

Coworker #1: “Do you know if it’s any good?”

Coworker #2: “Well, it is one of the healthier options we have.”

Coworker #1: “Is it anything like meat?”

Me and Coworker #2: “Not really…”

Coworker #1: “Oh. Because I kind of want the taste of meat.”

*awkward silence*

Coworker #1: “Maybe I should just get the regular burger, huh?”

Why Fast Food Has Lost Its A-pee-al

, | Canada | Working | May 2, 2012

(Two of my managers are showing a new employee around the restaurant.)

New Employee: “So, what’s that brush for?”

Manager #1: “It’s used to clean toilet bowls in the lobby.”

Manager #2: “Actually, it’s for scrubbing deep fryers.”

Manager #1: “Well, I’ve been cleaning toilets with it.”

Manager #2: “Er…I’m putting in for a new brush. Let’s keep quiet about this!”

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The Feeling Is Mutual

| Working | May 2, 2012

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