(We are interviewing potential applicants for a series of new jobs. We have met several at the entrance to the building and are escorting them to our respective floors.)

Applicant: “Ugh! Why is this lift so slow! Doesn’t it know we’re all busy?!”

Boss: “Yes, you’ve looked very busy while staring at [social media] for the past 15 minutes.”

Applicant: “What else is there to do?!”

Boss: “Actually listen? We told you at reception that data analysis was on the third floor. Had you bothered to lift your head from your phone at all, you might have realised that we’re now coming up to the seventh. So, unless you want to be interviewed for a managerial role, I think you have missed your chance.”

(She blushed and sprinted down the four floors instead of using the lift again. At the end of the day, I heard she tried to blame us for her tardiness. Her potential boss, however, also noticed that she was on her phone the whole time, too, and promptly closed the door in her face.)

This story is part of the second Job Interview roundup!

Read the next Job Interview roundup story!

Read the second Job Interview roundup!

(My daughter is vegan and likes a particular brand of meatless roast. They tend to be a bit pricey, especially when a special occasion like Christmas is just around the corner, so I am very happy to see that the price at a certain store is $19.99 – approximately $5 less than their competitor is charging.)

Cashier: “That will be $24.99, plus tax.”

Me: “That’s not right; the price should be $19.99, plus tax.”

Cashier: “It’s ringing up as $24.99, ma’am.”

Me: “Yes, I know, but the price in the freezer said $19.99.”

Cashier: *stares at me without saying anything*

Me: “Can I see a manager, please?”

Manager: “The price should have been $24.99, but somebody—” *glares at one of the other employees* “—forgot to change the freezer price-tag. I guess we’ll have to honour the lower price.”

Me: “Does this store offer SCOP?”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Me: “SCOP: Scanning Code of Practice. If an item rings up for a higher price than the one on display, I should either get $10 off the price or the item for free.”

Manager: “You must be kidding. You’re already getting a deal on this roast, and now you want an even better deal?”

Me: “Just asking.”

Manager: “We’re giving you this roast for $19.99. That should be good enough.” *leaves*

Me: “Seems to me that if I’m paying for it, you’re not ‘giving’ it to me.”

Me: *looking in the fridge* “There’s… tampons in the fridge.”

Coworker: *who is female* “Tampons?”

Me: “It looks like them.” *pointing to the egg tray*

Coworker: *coming over* “Yup, that’s them. I wonder who put them in there?”

Me: “Is that something women do?”

Coworker: “I don’t personally, but to each their own, I suppose. But seriously, the egg tray? Really? That isn’t very considerate!”

Me: “Should we tell someone?”

(We wound up telling the manager, who was furious and decided to remove and bin them herself. About an hour later, another coworker came running down to the staff room. We then heard, “WHERE THE F*** ARE MY TAMPONS?!” She wasn’t happy when she found out, but it did teach her to ask before doing it. She now puts them in a container first.)

(The manager has just called down to the front asking for security to escort a known and already barred thief from the building. As I take the call, I decide to tell the guard. I am a feminist and everyone I work with knows this.)

Me: “[Guard], [Manager]’s seen this guy in the store.” *points to the wall of banned individuals* “He wants him searched and removed.”

Guard: *sizing me up* “You do it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guard: “You heard me. If you think a woman can do everything a man can—” *points at me* “—you do it.”

Me: “Well, first: that’s not what I think, and second: that isn’t my job; it’s yours. You’re employed as a security guard!”

Guard: *stands up and stretches* “Look who’s cowering now. Need a big strong man, do you? You feminists are all the same! You talk about equality, but when it comes down to it, you just want to blame us for your shortfalls.”

Me: “That’s it!” *walking away*

(There was another guard on the other side of the store who worked mostly on electronics. I got HER to help me, instead, and reported the first guard to management. Just because I’m a feminist, it doesn’t mean I think men and women are the same. It means I believe we should be TREATED the same. Same opportunities, same legal protections, same f****** taxation when it comes to personal hygiene!)

(My boss, a lawyer, has given me written-up notes on the different judges he goes in front of, so I can type them out. As I read through the notes, I find interesting nuggets of descriptions he uses for different ones. These, so far, are my favorites.)

Note #1: “Sits there like a hairy Yoda.”

Note #2: “C***sucker hairstyle.”

Note #3: “Prejudiced down to her heart. What an a**hole.”

Note #4: “Monkey face to match his monkey fumbling.”

Note #5: “Attractive brunette. She gets flustered around me; I think she has a crush! I know I do.”

Note #6: “Has hair like a troll. I think he is a troll; lives under his desk and smells like he sucks on his feet.”

Note #7: “Don’t say boo — already so pale, a ghost is darker.”