(I work overnight at a call center that is locked a few hours before my shift starts. We aren’t given keys, so we have to knock and wait for a coworker to open the door. This particular night it gets cold rather suddenly, and I wrap my scarf around my head because I haven’t brought my hat with me, but my face is clearly visible. I knock on the door and one of my coworkers comes around the corner. Her eyes go wide and she runs away as if terrified. I’m perplexed by this, and I knock again and get no response. I get my phone out and call the office number.)

Coworker: “Hello, th-thank you for calling [Company]. How can I h-help you?”

Me: “[Coworker], I’m waiting at the door. Could you come unlock it? I’m extremely cold.”

Coworker: “Oh, my God. That was you?“

Me: “Of course it’s me. Who did you think?”

Coworker: “You look like a terrorist! Don’t scare me like that! Why do you have that terrible thing on your head?”

Me: “Are you serious? It’s cold. I’m wearing a scarf. You think a scarf makes someone a terrorist?”

Coworker: “Yes! You look like one of those Arabs!”

Me: *counting silently to ten* “[Coworker], even if I had darker skin and wore a proper hijab, I wouldn’t be a terrorist. But how you saw my pasty white face and plaid fleece scarf as Arabic is beyond me. Now open the d*** door.”

(I’ve been doing political consulting work for almost a decade and have encountered a lot of strange candidates over that time. This one is definitely the weirdest, though. I have been contacted by this guy about working on his soon-to-be-announced campaign. I go to meet with him at his home, and this is how he introduces himself.)

Candidate: *pointing* “By the way, that is weed on the mantle, in case you were interested.”

(The rest of the meeting was just as weird. Needless to say, this wasn’t someone I wanted to work for.)

(The manager is always making us watch training videos.)

Manager: “[My Name], did you watch this video?”

Me: “I don’t know what’s it about.”

Manager: “‘The Facts About Great Customers.'”

Me: “I don’t know. Maybe. I watched a lot of videos last month. I don’t know if I watched that one.”

Manager: “You don’t know what you watched last month?!”

Me: “I work in customer service, so I only have short-term memory.”

Manager: “Good point.”

(We’re on vacation, and we stop at a craft fair. A woman is demonstrating a device that can make, among other things, potato chips.)

Woman: “We’re gonna season the potatoes now, with a little garlic powder, a little onion powder, and a little salt.” *she starts with the garlic powder* “Now, y’all don’t wanna use too much garlic—”

(As she says this, the top of the garlic jar pops off, and a bunch of garlic powder gets dumped into the pot, and everyone laughs.)

Woman: *slightly embarrassed* “Ah, that’s okay. Y’all eat it, anyway.”

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(My company has arranged for mandatory “Security Awareness” training. We’re ten minutes in when a man rushes into the room, out of breath, and drops this little line:)

Attendee: “Sorry I’m late; I left my security pass at the hotel and couldn’t decide if I should go back for it!”

(Needless to say, the instructor was not amused.)