(I go with my friends to a fast food place that specializes in burgers, before going to the movies. There is no one in the lobby, when this interaction takes place.)

Me: “I would like to order a Bacon Double Cheeseburger meal, please.”

Cashier: “Certainly! That will be [amount].”

(My friends and I pay for our meals, and within a couple of minutes, my friends get their order, but I never get mine. I stand there for quite a while, until the same cashier who took my order makes eye contact with me and approaches me.)

Cashier: “Is there something wrong, ma’am?”

Me: “Yes, I never got my Bacon Double Cheeseburger meal.”

Cashier: “That is because we have been out of burgers all day. Would you like to order something else?”

(I wonder why he didn’t mention that, if he knew they had no burgers in stock, but not wanting to cause trouble, I order something else from the menu.)

Cashier: “Okay, with your new meal, that will be [amount].”

Me: “Aren’t you going to refund me for the other meal?”

Cashier: “Why would I do that?”

Me: “Because I paid for the Double Bacon Cheeseburger meal and you waited to tell me after I paid for it. I should be getting a refund.”

Cashier: *looks at me confused* “Well, I’m not sure if I can give you one because I don’t have proof you ordered a Bacon Double Cheeseburger to begin with. Do you have your receipt?”

Me: “You’re the one who rang me up five minutes ago and told me, after the fact, that you had no burgers.”

Cashier: “But I still have no proof you order it. Do you have your receipt?”

Me: *facepalms*

(I handed him the receipt and he went to get a manager for the refund. After telling the manager he never told me until after the fact they had no burgers, she offered to give me a new meal for free. It still blows my mind that a restaurant commonly known for selling hamburgers and cheeseburgers was out of them!)

(I am a territory salesman for a chemical company. I am sound asleep with my wife at just after 5:00 am and the phone rings beside the bed.)

Me: *groggily answering the phone* “Hello.”

Caller: “Hello, it’s [Caller], from [My Employer] in Toronto calling.”

Me: “Do you know what time it is?”

Caller: “Yes. It’s 8:05.”

Me: “Not in Prince George, it isn’t.”

Caller: *hesitating* “Oh… What do you mean?”

Me: *realizing the caller has no clue how the world works* “Well, you know how the sun comes up in the east and goes down at sunset in the west?”

Caller: *obviously unsure where this is leading* “Oh… Yes?”

Me: *trying to impart just a wee bit of wisdom* “Well, it hasn’t gotten here yet.”

Caller: *sounding really confused* “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, the sun may be up in Toronto, but it will be three more hours before we see it, so it’s only ten after five in Prince George.”

(The caller is either completely unaware, or disregards the fact that she has woken me from a sound sleep and by this time, my wife is sitting up in bed beside me with a very puzzled look on her sleepy face.)

Caller: “Well, while I have you on the line, can you pop by this morning to [Customer] in Prince Rupert and drop a copy of an invoice that they didn’t receive?”

Me: “Well, I can get a copy to [Customer], but it won’t be this morning. Do you realize that Prince Rupert is 500 miles from here, which is a whole day’s drive, one way? Why don’t you just fax a copy, and then I won’t have to do anything until my next trip out west?”

Caller: *sounding shocked and perhaps just starting to realize the enormity of Canada* “Oh, okay. I guess I can do that.”

(Many years later, I sometimes think of that young clerk, and imagine her hanging up the phone and sitting there stunned by the incredible knowledge that the whole world doesn’t operate on Toronto time.)

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 11
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 10
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 9
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 8
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7

This story is part of the fourth Geography roundup!

Read the next Geography roundup story!

Read the fourth Geography roundup!

(I’m a carer for a young man who has autism. Like a lot of autistic children, he can be picky about what he will and will not eat. As a reward for recent good behaviour, I take him to the local fish and chips shop for some hot chips.)

Server: “What can I get you?”

Me: “Can I please have a large chips, no salt?”

(The server sighs and stalks away. I think it is weird, but I let it go. The server cooks up a fresh order of fries… only to add salt to them.)

Me: “Sorry, but it was a large chips with no salt.”

Server: “Oh. I forgot. No big deal, though, right?” *tries to give me the chips*

Me: “No. Big deal. I need you to make a fresh order with no salt, please.”

Server: “C’mon, I know that this is just a ploy that people do to get a fresh batch of chips, and you’re just going to add salt to them. You saw me cook them fresh, so it’s fine.”

Me: “No. If I give [Boy] chips with salt, he will lick off the salt and not eat the chips. Please give me what I ordered, or I’ll be forced to ask for a manager.”

(The server sighed, rolled her eyes and muttered up a storm, but eventually she gave me an order of saltless fries. I think I’ll try somewhere else to get hot chips, next time.)

(We have been receiving calls from a scammer once a week discussing nonexistent student loans and asking for banking information. Finally, I have had enough. The phone rings from the same call center.)

Me: “Hello.”

(Pause.)

Scammer: “Hello?”

Me: “That’s what I just said.”

Scammer: “Hello?”

Me: “I think we have already covered this part of the conversation. May we move on, or shall we greet one another once more?”

Scammer: “I would like to talk to you about refinancing your student loans.”

Me: “Okay. Have fun with that, but I’m just going to set the receiver down and go start dinner, because I am 38 and paid off all my student loans years ago.”

(I set down the phone and I could hear talking for a full two minutes before the scammer realized I wasn’t there and hung up. So, I redialled the number and said we got disconnected. I did the same thing again. And again. Until supper was ready. One scammer kept off the phone for over an hour. You’re welcome, society!)

(My husband is rear-ended by a young man who isn’t paying attention. No one is hurt but there is some damage to the new truck my husband drives, around $9,000. I start calling the very well-known national car insurance company of the person who hit us. They tell us they will get right on it. A week goes by and I hear nothing so I call them. I am told they are working on it but haven’t talked to their client that hit us, and they need to in order to get the claim going. Another week goes by and nothing. I call back and am told once again they can’t get a hold of their client. The police report actually has the man’s insurance agent on it. I call and they can’t believe that our damages haven’t been taken care of, but they can’t get a hold of the person who hit us. We go through this game for a full month. At this point I lose my temper and have quite an attitude; honestly, I am a bit rude. I call the customer service line. I get a very nice and understanding customer service representative who repeats the same thing to me.)

Me: “Okay, first, is this being recorded?”

Agent: “Ummm, yes.”

Me: “Good. I want to make sure. Now, first, I want to thank you for being so friendly and professional. I want to make sure you and your company know that I have not been mistreated in any way, and I apologize to you because I know you just work there. Now, I have had it. Your company does not need to talk to your client. You have a copy of the police report. He rear-ended us. The policy was in effect, according to your own records at the time of the accident. Period. I feel I have been more than fair in my treatment of you. You have had ample opportunity to take care of this. So, today is Friday. You have until Monday at 4:45 pm to make arrangements to repair our truck. Do not bother calling at 4:46, because at that time I will be calling an attorney. One of those on TV. I don’t have the money for an attorney, but I bet they can get that, too. Also, my husband is having some back pain, so I think we will also be seeing a doctor. Do I make myself clear? By 4:45 on Monday. Not a minute later.”

(At that point I demanded a supervisor, and after telling him that I appreciated the professionalism and friendliness of the representatives, I repeated the whole thing I said earlier and hung up. Three hours later, a rental car company called me saying they had my rental car ready. I asked, “What car?” They told me the insurance company had set it up for us to drive while the truck was being repaired. Amazing how quickly they got everything done.)