Office Exercises

| Working | November 14, 2012

Fighting Hire With Fire, Part 2

| Florida, USA | Working | November 13, 2012

(One day, I hear shouting outside my office. I am subsequently paged by one of my cashiers, who has some slight mental retardation, but is nonetheless an excellent worker. Upon walking to the front of the store, I see he’s with a customer dressed in an odd ensemble of a sports jacket, pink dress shirt, slacks and shoes without socks.)

Me: “Hi, is there a problem?”

Cashier: *is about to speak, but is cut off by the customer*

Customer: “I’ll say there is! I gave this guy a twenty to pay for my $11.00 bottle of wine, and he gave me back a five! I can’t believe you have such dishonest scum working here!!”

(I check the customer’s receipt and see it adds up properly. I look over at the cashier, who is a tad pale and looks like he’s about to start crying from the verbal abuse earlier.)

Me: “Why don’t you come with me into my office? I’ll count his drawer up in there and see if he made a mistake.”

(The customer looks pleasantly surprised and follows me to the back. No sooner have I set cashier’s drawer down then he slaps a sheet of paper on top of it.)

Customer: “Good! Well, if you have a moment, I’d like to put in for a job here. The staff is definitely incompetent, so you really must need someone to fix this place up.”

(I glance down at the paper, which turns out to be a CV. At the top the customer has listed his preferred positon as ‘Store Manager or General Manager’.)

Me: “Okay, first off, sir, we’re actually fully staffed at the moment so I don’t really have any open spots I can hire you for. Second off, company policy is to promote managers from inside the store, not just take some random person off the street. Third off, I AM the store manager and have no intention of leaving my position any time soon so I’m not looking for replacements. If you’re serious about working here, I’d advise you to fill out an application for a cashier or sales associate and focus on working your way up.”

Customer: “But… but I have a college degree!”

Me: “So do several million other people in this state. In fact, the cashier that you claimed short changed you just now is due to graduate with a Bachelors in Computer Science this year.”

Customer: “Wha… him?! But he’s an idiot!”

Me: “No, he has a minor form of cerebral palsy, and has been working hard to overcome it for years. I must say I’m actually quite impressed that he’s managed to maintain such a solid work ethic and get himself through school in spite of his disability. Now, let’s see if he did in fact make a mistake on your purchase…”

(I count up the drawer, and it balances perfectly. The customer looks increasingly despondent as I do this.)

Me: “Well, it seems to be correct right down to the penny. Are you sure he only gave you back $5 in change?”

Customer: “Well… um… I may have been mistaken.” *leaves*


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(Au) Jus Not Listening

, | Princeton, WV, USA | Working | November 13, 2012

Me: “I’ll just have a french dip, no cheese.” *holds out my credit card*

Manager: “Would you like the combo with that?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “What to drink?”

Me: “No drink.”

Manager: “So, just a french dip sandwich?”

Me: “Yes, but no chee—”

Manager: “Anything else?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “So, a french dip?”

Me: “But no cheese.”

Manager: “Would you like the combo?”

Me: “…”

(It had cheese.)

Don’t Make Him Drill That Into Your Brain

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Working | November 13, 2012

(I’m sitting in the waiting room of a dental office. A dentist walks out of a room with a child and is giving him a briefing.)

Dentist: “Alright, so try not to eat any foods for the next hour.”

Young Patient: “Okay!”

Dentist: “And no drinking pop or juice or anything like that for the next hour as well.”

Young Patient: “Okay!”

Dentist: “But water is okay.”

Young Patient: “Okay!”

Dentist: “And no smoking for 40 years!”

Young Patient: “…Okay?”

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It’s Bye-Bye For Furby

| Ohio, USA | Working | November 13, 2012

(It’s right after Christmas during the huge Furby craze, and one of my coworkers has received one as a gift. He has the toy on his desk and various people have stopped by to play with it. As a joke, he places his headset on the Furby, but at that moment, a call comes through.)

Caller: *goes into a rant*

Furby: “Ahhh. Boring.”

(Unfortunately for my coworker, they were monitoring his call. Both he and the Furby were fired immediately!)

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