Ooh, Shiny

, | Centerville, UT, USA | Working | May 4, 2012

(I am standing in the menswear section and can’t find what I’m looking for. An employee walks through.)

Me: “Can I ask you a question?”

Employee: “Sure.”

Me: “Do you sell French cuff shirts?”

Employee: “The kind that buttons up the front?”

Me: “Yes, but the ones you use cufflinks with.”

Employee: “You mean the shiny things?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Employee: “Nope, haven’t seen any!”

Conspiracy Potpourri

| Montreal, QC, USA | Working | May 4, 2012

(I work at a spa with a lot of elderly regulars. There is a rumor that some are Freemasons. A conversation with a coworker about Freemasons turns into this.)

Coworker: “Remember that video we saw last time, the one with the news anchors blinking out lizard eyes and stuff?”

Me: “Yeah, I remember that. It’s pretty dumb. I mean, lizard people from space trying to infiltrate and take over our planet? Come on!”

Coworker: “I know, right? It’s totally demons.”

Me: “…What?”

Coworker: “Yeah, demons! You know, like when you get high enough in the Freemason ranks you get possessed by demons. I think some of the guys here may be one of them!”

While You Were Out

| Working | May 4, 2012

Your Logic Is Up In The Air

| Seattle, WA, USA | Working | May 3, 2012

(My crew and I are installing glued-down carpet tiles in an office space. The glue must be exposed until it has set up completely. We’re a couple hours into the process, having just cleaned the bare floor of debris, and have started to spread glue. The job site supervisor walks in the room with a crew who is supposed to be installing ceiling tiles.)

Supervisor: “These guys are going to be putting in the ceiling tiles here, okay?”

Me: “No. I just prepped everything, and I’m glueing the floor now. No one can work in here until the carpet is done.”

Supervisor: “Well, I scheduled for you both to be here today. They should be fine. They’re working on the ceiling, and you’re working on the floor, so you won’t be in each other’s way.”

(The ceiling guys realize right away what is going on, and out of professional courtesy start packing up their tools to leave.)

Me: “I’ll say okay if you can answer this one question.”

Supervisor: “Yes?”

Me: “Where are they going to stand while working on the ceiling while I’m working on the floor?”

Supervisor: *speechless*

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A Trainee, Thru-And-Thru

, | Sterling, VA, USA | Working | May 3, 2012

(I am in my car, ordering at the drive-thru speaker. The employee waiting on me seems to be in training.)

Me: “Number 11 with a Coke, please.”

Employee: “Okay… uh… 11. Coke… Is that for here or to go?”

Me: “I’m… in my car?”

Employee: “Oh. Drive up to the next window, please.”

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