Do As I Say, Not As I Say

| Washington, DC, USA | Working | November 4, 2012

(Note: We’re at a team meeting.)

Boss: “We have to start work together! If you’re done with your work, ask your coworkers if you can lend them a hand! Teamwork, people!”

(A few hours later…)

Me: *to coworker* “Finally done with my work!” *sees coworker’s stack of paper* “You want some help?”

Coworker: “Thanks! Sure!”

Boss: *to me* “Why are you doing her work?”

Me: “I finished mine, so I thought I’d lend her a helping hand.”

Boss: “NO! Do your own work! What do I PAY YOU FOR!” *stomps away*

Coworker: “I thought she said to help each other?”

(I quit not long after that thanks to that crazy boss!)

Age Before Modesty

| Newcastle upon Tyne, UK | Working | November 4, 2012

(I am taking an otherwise typical IT call from one of our shop managers when she decides to go off on a tangent.)

Manager: “Do you guys control the CCTV cameras here?”

Me: “No, that’s handled by a separate company.”

Manager: “Oh, I see. I was just wondering if anyone is actually watching the screens all the time, because some of us get changed in here.”

(Note that she is referring to changing in the back office of the shop, rather than the designated changing area.)

Me: “Um, if it were me, I’d probably assume someone could be watching at any time and act accordingly.”

Manager: “Oh, at my age you stop worrying about those things. Let them look!”

October Top Story Roundup

Not Always Working | Working | November 4, 2012

October Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Working’s top-rated stories for the month of October!

  1. Abject-Oriented Programming (869 thumbs up)
    IF boss thinks software development is like word processing, THEN quit!
  2. Incorrect Al-leg-gations (825 thumbs up)
    An overzealous parking inspector forces a prosthesis-wearer to literally go out on a limb.
  3. Small Minds Can Lose Out On Big Sales (751 thumbs up)
    Disparaging a student on a school trip for her weight ends up being a costly proposition for one small-minded employee!
  4. Perfect In Pink (721 thumbs up)
    When a salesman gets bent out of shape over a little boy’s choice of colors, mom tells him to get bent.
  5. A Higher Calling Against Bad Hires (626 thumbs up)
    An assistant manager picks the wrong 7′ tall cowboy to ignore!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

October Top Story Roundup

| Not Always Working | Working | November 4, 2012

October Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Working’s top-rated stories for the month of October!

  1. Abject-Oriented Programming (869 thumbs up)
    IF boss thinks software development is like word processing, THEN quit!
  2. Incorrect Al-leg-gations (825 thumbs up)
    An overzealous parking inspector forces a prosthesis-wearer to literally go out on a limb.
  3. Small Minds Can Lose Out On Big Sales (751 thumbs up)
    Disparaging a student on a school trip for her weight ends up being a costly proposition for one small-minded employee!
  4. Perfect In Pink (721 thumbs up)
    When a salesman gets bent out of shape over a little boy’s choice of colors, mom tells him to get bent.
  5. A Higher Calling Against Bad Hires (626 thumbs up)
    An assistant manager picks the wrong 7′ tall cowboy to ignore!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

It’s Unique To Be Geek

| UK | Working | November 3, 2012

(My coworker has invited me to go out with her and her friends for her birthday. We’re at work discussing the birthday; she’s concerned as I don’t know anybody there.)

Me: “It’s okay, I’m pretty sociable. I get along with just about everyone.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I’m sure you’ll find something to talk about.”

Me: “If any of your friends are into anything geeky, we’ll be fine!”

Coworker: “…I don’t really have any geeky friends.”

Me: “There has to be someone who’s interested in comics or something. Surely someone likes Iron Man?”

Coworker: “I haven’t seen it.”

Me: “But your friends are mostly boys! Boys like stuff! And everyone has at least ONE geeky friend!”

(She and our other coworker just stare at me pointedly.)

Me: “Oh god, I’M the geeky friend, aren’t I?”

(Both nod.)

Me: *hopefully* “Disney?”

(The other rejected conversation subjects were Pokemon and Harry Potter… I’m doomed!)

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