(I stop at a chain fast food place with a cafe section to buy a tea before I get on the bus.)

Cafe Counter: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Me: “Just a medium Earl Grey, thanks.”

(I pay and wait for my number to be called. When it is, I take my drink and notice a smell that is certainly not Earl Grey. I check the teabag.)

Me: “Excuse me. This is peppermint. I asked for Earl Grey.”

Barista: “We ran out of Earl Grey. They’re pretty much the same flavour, though.”

Me: “Um… No… They’re not?”

Barista: “I’m not sure what you want me to do, honey.”

Me: “Tell me that you ran out, and ask me what I want, instead?”

Barista: “It’s the same thing with different tags. Earl Grey is just a different name for peppermint.”

Me: “It’s not. It’s completely different. And if you don’t have any of what I asked for, I would prefer jasmine over peppermint.”

Barista: “I can make you a jasmine, but you need to pay; there’s nothing wrong with your drink.”

Me: “Is there a manager in?”

Barista: “I’m not bothering a manager for this. You got the drink you ordered, just with a different name.”

(I walk over to the main counter around the corner, ask for the manager there, and explain the situation, and the manager asks me to follow her back to the cafe.)

Manager: “Right.” *goes through cupboards* “New box of Earl Grey…” *puts it in front of the barista* “…which is black tea and bergamot, not peppermint; it’s not even close. New one for the customer, and she gets a free upsize. When you run out of something, get a new box of it out of the cupboard.”

I’m actually ashamed to say the boss in this story is my father. The story was told to me by an uncle of a friend who used to work for him.

My friend’s uncle had a great-paying job at his company, but got offered a better-paying manager job where my father is the general manager.

My father is the boss from Hell. Many things happened, but what made my friend’s uncle finally quit was when he requested one week of non-paid vacation and travelled outside the country with his family.

Two days from the end of his vacation, my dad sent all the managers urgent emails about an emergency meeting they needed to have that same day after work hours. He insisted it was an emergency, mandatory meeting; every manager had to be there.

My friend’s uncle took the first three-hour flight back home, two days before his vacation ended, and got there just in time for… a long talk about the importance of dressing well for work, with a long speech about using classy and elegant ties.

And, of course, the speech was given by my dad. I was so embarrassed.

Worker: “I need a couple of days off. My best friend’s step-cousin’s great aunt died yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Were you close?”

Worker: “No. I never met her.”

Me: “Why would you need time off, then?”

Worker: “Because I’m really upset.”

Me: “But you never met her.”

Worker: “So? There was a really nice Facebook post about her, and I think I would’ve liked her. I’ve been crying all morning.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there really isn’t much I can do. Bereavement is for close family only. If you need to take sick leave for mental health issues, that’s fine.”

Worker: “I don’t need sick leave. I need bereavement.”

(She then left work without telling anyone, and missed the rest of that week. She had some new tattoos and piercings when she came back, which was a breach of one of our policies, which states that you have to notify us if you are getting body modifications. It’s a stupid policy, but it is what it is. She was dragged into Human Resources and dismissed before the day was over. She tried to appeal the decision, citing discrimination. It didn’t work.)

(My coworker and I are dressing mannequins. They are fairly new, so this is the first time either of us has seen them undressed. The mannequins are female.)

Coworker: “Whoa, look at the package on this one!” *there’s a prominent bulge in the pubic region* “Isn’t it supposed to be female?”

Me: “It’s got boobs.”

Coworker: *taps a boob* “I know, but they don’t feel real to me.”

(I am essentially the backup receptionist at my office, meaning that I take my work down to the reception desk and answer the company phone when the regular receptionist takes her lunch. Today, I get a rather interesting phone call. According to caller ID, the caller is a regular customer.)

Me: *picking up the phone* “Good afternoon, this is [Company].”

Caller: “Hello, lovely! How are you today?”

Me: *incredibly weirded out* “Um… Good. How are you?”

Caller: “Oh! Wrong lovely! Can you transfer me to [Coworker], please?”

Me: “Sure.”

Caller: “Not that you’re not lovely! I just… I should stop talking now.”

Me: *laughs* “One moment.” *I transfer him*

(I asked the receptionist later, and she said that that customer usually addresses her as “lovely.”)