(I go to get my hair cut at a local, low-cost hair salon. Nearly every time I go in there it’s a new cast of stylists. This is the first and only time I see a male stylist. It is very slow there today, with no other customers. He’s a nice and normal-seeming guy, and we’re having friendly conversation as he cuts my hair.)

Stylist: “Hey, you want me to take care of that part of your beard on your jaw that’s starting to curl under your ear?”

Me: “That’d be fine. I usually take care of that myself when I trim it, but you can save me time.”

Stylist: “Man, I just hate it when guys let that get out of control.”

Me: *thinking it’s not been anything I’ve ever noticed,but just going with the conversation* “Yeah, it can get out of control.”

Stylist: “I just want to pull on it when I see guys not taking care of that and yell, ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU LETTING THIS THING GROW? IT’S SO F****** DISGUSTING AND NASTY! QUIT BEING GROSS! CUT IT OFF!’ You know?”

Me: *stunned* “Yeah, sure. I know what you mean.”

(I get hired for [Popular Pharmacy Chain] and go through their training. It’s all through their computer system, with videos and quizzes. There’s a thirty-minute session on “branded greetings,” which explains how I have to say the same things during every transaction so customers always have a uniform experience at every store in the chain. I feel like a robot doing this, but I’m good at the spiel after about a week. Then, my manager pulls me aside.)

Manager: “Why are you using branded greetings?”

Me: *thinking this is a test* “Um… so that  every customer gets the same treatment at every store and we deliver a uniform experience.”

Manager: “We haven’t used those in years. People said we sounded like robots, and corporate made us stop.”

Me: “Well, it’s still in the training.”

Manager: “Oh, well, you don’t have to do that anymore. I apparently have to update the training software.” *runs off*

Me: *facepalm*

(I’m a chef at a fairly nice restaurant that is known for offering many gluten-free options of bread, pasta, and flour. However, our lentil soup is made with flour that is not gluten-free, which we make clear to our servers. One server, who has been reminded of this multiple times, still doesn’t get it. All our entrees come with a side of soup or salad. So, an order comes back to the kitchen: gluten-free lobster pasta dish with a side cup of lentil soup.)

Me: “Hey, you know this soup isn’t gluten-free, right?”

Server: “Oh, yeah! Because of the lentils, right? I keep forgetting that lentils aren’t gluten-free.”

Me: “Uh, no. We use flour to thicken the soup. We’ve told you this multiple times.”

Server: “Wait. What’s gluten, again?”

Me: “Just go ask your table if they’re okay with soup that’s not gluten-free, or if they just want something else. We can do a lesson on gluten later.”

Server: “Okay, but I totally got this! Don’t worry; I’ll remember that lentils aren’t gluten-free in the future.”

(The customer ended up getting a different soup, which was actually gluten-free.)

Inventory is done late at night after we close. It takes eight hours and is always a headache. We have an inventory company that scans and counts all our items. Employees are on hand to double-check their counts and help with any issues.

This inventory was a perfect storm. Everything that could go wrong did. The inventory company was late. They couldn’t connect their controls to our Internet for at least an hour.

Two of the inventory company employees came to blows over a miscount and had to work at opposite ends of the store.

Two more were caught smoking illegal drugs and were immediately kicked off the premises.

One lady would periodically pick an employee to tearfully hug and absolutely no one found this weird or told her to stop.

Another was making a mess of the clothing tables and cussed out the store manager when asked to clean up after himself. (The store manager cussed him out right back and kicked him out after the druggies.)  

I recently learned I have unused vacation time. I’m using it during next inventory season.

This story is part of our India roundup!

Read the next India Roundup story!

Read the India roundup!

(I am interviewing for a field computer technician job. The job entails servicing customers at their locations. This area of the country gets heavy snowfalls throughout the winter. This is in the mid-1970s, before SUVs become popular, and before all-wheel and four-wheel drive are common on vehicles that aren’t trucks.)

Interviewer: “…and the job comes with a company car!”

Me: “I hope it’s a Jeep!”

Interviewer: “No, that would not fit with the company image. But you could buy your own Jeep, and we’d reimburse you for mileage.”

(I quietly imagine two scenarios. Scenario #1:)

Me: *on the phone to a customer* “Sorry your computer is down, but my Chevy Impala can’t get through the snow. You lose.”

(Scenario #2: People look out the window to see a Jeep, with a company logo on the side, churning up the snow-covered road coming to save the day.)

Me: *thinking, but keeping quiet* “Now, tell me again, which one is in keeping with the company image?”