Working On Different Prints-iples

(I’m the receptionist for a corporate office. Our company is primarily retail, and we have a customer service line and online chat room, yet people always try to bypass those and call me for help.)

Caller: “I’m looking for a [Popular Artist] print. I tried customer service before, and they told me they had the painting at my local store, but when I got there they were asking $500 for it! I said, ‘I don’t want to buy the whole store!’ you know? Ha ha ha! I want to find a cheaper print.”

Me: “Okay, so, you already checked with customer service?”

Caller: “Yeah, I did, but they sent me to my local store.” *he repeats the above, verbatim*

Me: “Well, I just checked our website, and it looks like there are several different-size prints in stock, so I apologize for the confusion. I’m sure customer service just misunderstood what you wanted. I’ll transfer you back to them—”

Caller: “The confusion is probably because [recently deceased Religious Leader in the area] was a hell-raiser. He probably went in and changed the website to mess with everyone.”

(He laughs as if I’m without a doubt thinking the same thing. Since I’m not sure why he thinks a religious leader would mess with a retail company’s website, and I happened to really respect said recently-deceased religious leader, I don’t laugh.)

Me: “All right, well, let me connect you back to customer service, and they can find that print for you. Or, if they say that we really don’t have it, then you can find all of [Popular Artist]’s works on his website. The web address is—”

Caller: “No, no, no. I don’t do computers.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “And I’ll tell you why! Because I didn’t have them growing up. I didn’t have them in college. I didn’t have them in 45 years of business. So, I don’t do computers. The only time I use a computer is to play solitaire, because that’s all they’re good for. I don’t do computers.”

Me: *pause* “All right, then—”

Caller: “Is there someone intelligent there that I can talk to?”

Me: *through gritted teeth* “Just let me transfer you to customer service.”

Caller: *as if he didn’t just insult me* “Thank you very much for your help, ma’am!”

(Apparently liking computers and not laughing at the expense of the dead makes me unintelligent?)