Workers Like These Don’t Grow On Trees

(I’m at the garden centre when I hear my name called.)

Cashier: “[My Name]! Can you help this lady? She wants to know about fruit trees.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(The lady comes over to me and we discuss fruit trees, pollination groups, and rootstocks for a while. It’s quite a technical area of gardening that people often need assistance with. We decide between us what would be the best fruit tree for her.)

Me: “…so, it seems that the best tree for your garden would be a self-fertile Cox on an M26 rootstock.”

Customer: “Okay, do you have any in stock?”

(I shake my head theatrically. I was looking forward to this bit.)

Me: “Haven’t a clue.”

Customer: “Uh… what?”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Then… um… why…”

Me: “I’m a professional horticulturist and [Cashier] is a good friend of mine. He had a long queue of customers and knew I’d be willing to chat to you about my favourite subject for a while. Also, I have a working relationship with this garden centre: I answer the more technical enquiries for them, and they advertise my business for me. It’s win-win.”

Customer: *still looking very baffled and embarrassed* “Oh… well, that’s… good. Thanks for your help.”

Me: “No problem! I’m not in a rush, so would you like me to help you choose a good apple tree?”

(She said yes, so we went and found her a nice quality tree, and happily, they had exactly the one I had recommended in stock. I have to admit, though, I love confusing the garden centre’s customers like that, and Cashier finds it funny as well!)