Wood You Be More Specific

I own a shop making custom wood furniture. I’ve dealt with plenty of crazy customers over the years, but this woman’s phone call was one of the most exhausting.

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Wood Shop]! This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to order a table.”

Me: “We can certainly do that! What kind of table are you thinking of?”

Caller: “A wood table.”

Me: “Yes, I got that. Are you looking for a kitchen table, or a coffee table, or maybe a side table, or something different?”

She starts getting irritated and angry.

Caller: “A table. Made from wood.”

Me: “What do you plan on using the table for?”

Caller: “Writing on it, obviously. And a few drawers to keep stuff in.”

Me: “Ma’am… do you mean a desk?”

Caller: “Yes, a desk table! Can you make one for me?”

Me: “We certainly can. I’ll just need some details from you, and we can work up a model. First, what kind of wood would you like your… desk… table to be made of?”

She starts practically shouting through the phone now.

Caller: “Real wood, obviously!”

Me: *Huge sigh.* “Our basic options are pine or oak, but we can also get cherry, mahogany, or a few other varieties upon request.”

Caller: “OMG!” *Yes, she spelled OMG out loud.* “Just wood! How hard can it be to make me a wood table?”

Me: “Ma’am, I need this information from you so my guys and I can build you the right… DESK… table. If you’re not going to answer these questions, I won’t be able to help you.”

Caller: “Ugh, all you ‘small independent shops’ are the same! I knew I should have gone to IKEA instead of wasting my time calling you.”

Me: “I’m sorry I can’t meet your standards, ma’am. Good luck at IKEA.”

I hung up before she could try to say anything else. I hope she finds her dream custom… desk… table on her next trip to IKEA.