Hands On Relationship Advice

(My roommate’s girlfriend is a little awkward, but she’s also really blunt and sometimes it makes for amusing conversation. This particular evening we were all watching a movie at our place and she is sitting crocheting. Note: I have had difficulty finding dates lately.)

Me: *watching her* “I don’t know how you do that without looking at your hands.”

Roommate’s Girlfriend: “You watch your hands with everything YOU do?”

(My roommate is trying not to laugh.)

Me: “Well, no, but that’s a little different I think I mean… What’re you even doing?”

Roommate’s Girlfriend: “It’s a sextopus.” *my roommate pauses the movie and we both stare at her* “Six-legged octopus. Roots words, boys, root words.”

Roommate: “I know, babe, it just sounds funny… Why would you crochet that?”

Roommate’s Girlfriend: “Same reason I’d crochet a plushie penis. Because I can.” *shrugs*

Me: “You did what now?”

Roommate’s Girlfriend: “Crocheted a penis. Why you need one?” *winking at me* “Is THAT why you’ve had so much trouble with the ladies lately?”