You Won’t Be Putting Out Any Fires With Those!

(I am three years old. Because I am young, my breasts are yet to develop, and young me is really worried about this. This conversation occurs on the way to the post office.)

Me: “Mommy, why are your nipples big and my nipples small?”

Mom: “Because you aren’t old enough.”

Me: “Will my nipples be big?”

Mom: “When you get older, yes.”

(Just then a fire truck passes us, and apparently this causes something to click in my young brain. We now arrive at the post office.)

Worker: *to me* “What would you like to be when you grow up? *is probably expecting some cutesy answer like “fairy” or “princess”*

Me: *proudly* “I want to be a fireman, with big nipples!”

(My mom burst out laughing, while the worker just stared at my mom as if she had just sprouted another head.)