Won’t Meat You In The Middle

| Malta | Working | April 25, 2017

(I’m on holiday on Malta with my boyfriend. Keep in mind that while we are German native speakers, my English is supposedly quite good and I have almost no accent. I still lack a lot of words I don’t normally need to use, though. We are at one of the cheap beach clubs along the coast which also has a small restaurant where we decided to order ‘customized’ burgers. Hamburgers are 3€; cheese or bacon cost 50 cents extra. We order and pay for a cheeseburger each. This happens after we are called and I go to pick them up. I immediately notice that there is something off and discover that I just got two warm buns with a slice of cheese each.)

Me: “Excuse me? I think there is something missing.”

Cook #1: “What is it? You ordered cheeseburgers, didn’t you?” *takes the plates back and sets them on a counter out of my reach*

Me: “Yes, but they are just buns with cheese, but without patties inside.”

Cook #1: *impatient* “Well, you ordered a cheeseburger. Of course there is cheese inside. Don’t you want it?”

Me: “Yes, I do! I ordered two cheeseburgers, but you only gave me the buns and cheese and not the patties.”

Cook #1: “Listen, that’s what a cheeseburger is. A burger with cheese.”

Me: “So I paid 50 cents more just for you to take the meat off?”

(Another man approaches, seemingly the first one’s coworker.)

Cook #2: “What’s wrong?”

Cook #1: “She ordered cheeseburgers and now she’s complaining.”

Me: “I just got the buns and cheese, but no patties.” *at this point I start to get nervous since I’m not sure whether I’m using the correct phrasing*

Cook #2: “You didn’t get what?”

Me: *giving up* “I got bread– “ *points to buns* “–and cheese. But no meat. There is no meat.”

Cook #2: “Did you mean bacon? You need to pay extra for bacon. Look, you only ordered cheeseburgers.” *lifts buns to show me what’s inside and finally sees that there’s only a slice of cheese inside* “Oh, s***. I’ll have your burgers ready in a minute. Do you want some bacon on the house?”

(When we finally ate, it was only lukewarm, but at least we got a free helping of bacon out of it…)

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