Witness Versus Witless

(I have a disabled friend who, due to a problem with her legs, can only walk very slowly. One day after gym, another girl is walking behind her and kicking her in the legs.)

Girl: “Hey, move, you stupid f***! Why are you so f****** slow? Move before I break your f******* legs!”

(I decide I’ve had enough.)

Me: “Hey you! Leave her alone! What’d she ever do to you?”

Girl: “Shut the f*** up before I beat your a** too!”

Me: “I don’t want a fight and neither do you. So I’m asking you nicely: leave her alone.”

Girl: “So, you want your a** kicked too? All right.”

(She kicks me and I elbow her. Within a minute, we’re in a full-blown fight, punching and kicking. I end it by punching her in the face hard enough to give her a bloody nose and busted lip.)

Girl: “Ooooooh! She busted my lip! OWOWOW! Help! Somebody help me! She’s a monster! She bullied me and she beat me up! HELP!”

(A teacher shows up due to all the commotion.)

Teacher: “What the h*** happened?”

Girl: “She was bullying me and she beat me up! I couldn’t defend myself!”

Teacher: “[My Name], I’ve never known you to do anything like that. Is this true?”

Me: “No, what happened is that she was kicking [friend] and threatening to break her legs. I asked her pretty nicely to stop, and she started swinging. I was just defending [Friend] and myself.”

Girl: “No she wasn’t! I was just minding my own business and she started hitting me!”

Classmate #1: “No, that’s not what happened! [My Name] is right. [Girl] was messing with [Friend] first. And she started hitting [My Name.]”

Girl: “That’s not true! Not true! She just beat me up! I wasn’t doing anything to the cripple!”

Classmate #2: “It IS true. And this b**** better stop lying before she gets a second bloody lip.”

(Of course, the teacher has to call for security and everyone involved is taken to the vice principal. After hearing the story and having witnesses say I’m right, the vice principal believes me.)

Vice Principal: *to me* “We don’t tolerate physical violence here, so I have to give you some sort of punishment. Yours will be… hmm… writing an essay on how to win a fight. It had better be well-researched.” *to Girl* “And you’re suspended for harassing a disabled student. Now go to the nurse and get out.”