Within Spitting Distance Of An Outrage

(I work at a small but very popular pizza restaurant in Daytona Beach. We do not have managers, only owners who do not show up until five am, so we’re basically all our own managers. During spring break, around 2:30 am, we have a lot of phone calls, who have all selected loud and very bass-y songs to be playing in the background. I am working with two other people that night. I am currently running a credit card and taking an order on the phone at the same time, and I can barely hear the call. All of a sudden I hear:)

Customer #1: “HEY, B****! I’m talking to you!”

Me: *puts phone on hold and looks up at the angry lady* “Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you over the person on the phone — who I was dealing with before you — and they also had extremely loud music. How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “All I want is my f****** slice cut in half!”

Me: “All right, let me take that back and get it cut for you. I’ll be back in just a few seconds.”

Customer #1: “NO. I know what b****es like you do with customers’ food, especially with how snippy you’re being. You’ll spit in our food!”

Me: “Okay, first of all, I would not risk getting a felony over your rudeness. What would you like me to do for you?”

Customer #1: “Just give me a plastic knife; I’ll cut it myself!” *she struggles for a couple of minutes to cut pizza with a plastic knife while I finish my phone calls* “HERE, B****! HAVE YOUR F****** PLASTIC KNIFE!”

(I roll my eyes, take a deep breath, and go help my coworker take the next customer.)

Coworker: “What was that lady on?”

Me: “No idea.”

(The next customer comes up.)

Customer #2: “I’ll have two slices, and please spit on them!”

(We all laughed. Now, every time he comes in, he asks us to put some “special sauce” on his food.)